A step back...

So it seems, it's been a long while since I've written in here, and yes I have my excuses.

1)censorship

2)WORK

3)Liquid Dance Conference

4)Scared to re-read the major meltdown I've been having

5)Hemroids?

All of those are just that, excuses, but to be fair....I've been a busy, busy, little B. The task I decided to take on all these months ago has gained a lot of momentum and is reaching the final stages. I've gathered a lot of support, made new friends, and lost some support (along with some old friends). The task remains the same and grateful to have so many people helping me out.

.......stalling........

This past weekend was UGS...the two summers previous it was the greatest weekend of my summer. This year it proved to some how out do it's self again in my mind. Soooo much adventure, good music, bonding, and nature!

These past three years I've completely lost myself and found this whole other person. I think what intrinsically makes me who I've always been is there. However, somethings have greatly changed, and not always for the better. At sunrise on sunday, I took a leap of faith, one I had been dancing around all weekend, and as I exhaled that truth from my lips I began a trip that might take me sometime to come back from.

I'm taking a step back, from a lot of things, and I'm going to see where it get's me. These next two months will require a focus I've only known once previously in my life. I remember my 2nd night of boot camp, thinking, what have I done, how will I make it out of this, and would I ever be the same. I look out into my life right now and have a lot of those same feelings. YES! I can be a bit dramatic but in all seriousness, I've never wanted anything more then what I'm currently working towards in my life, and from what I've learned through my journey thus far is that will come with a hefty price. Sacrifice and an ass load of dedication. I'm up to the task and have a marvelous supporting cast, that seems to grow by the day.

I told a buddy of mine, who I won't use his name, but I will say hipped me to an extremely ridiculous drink...anyway...I told...

"Thanks man!...for believing in me."

and it took him less then a second to say

"Dude you believe in yourself, that's why we all believe in you."

Reflections...I see them all through out my days and I guess it's that cyclic thinking that has me thinking that nothing I'm doing will be good enough. It has me stressing, fiending, searching for a way to make this conference something truly memorable for all those involved. When in actuality...it already is.

This year has been an insane ride........

................................................................................thanks for those of you not wearing your seatbelts :D