Monday, July 11, 2011

one big misadventure

and a rush of feelings!
Then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!

I go off like a million roman candles, the irony of it all, was less then an hour ago she's talking about everyone having a breaking point and then we find mine...once again.

To say it mildly, the last three months of my life have been an exhausting whirl wind of trust and understanding. At the very least, I've developed a new form of patience that would draw the envy of Kindergarten teachers, and at the very most I have the components for a truly amazing story.

Stumbling through the Miami streets last night, singing songs from a simpler time, and sipping on hobo wine. I came to understand very little but I saved myself from saying the things that would never be undone. This delicate flower, it grows, and some days its thorns plunge deep into the flesh of the unsuspecting lover. She bleeds and then again so do I. The point is, through our friendship we pick one another up and attack the problem head on once we regroup. Hahaha! Somewhere round my third brown bag I'm not thinking about that at all, I'm just thinking about all the selfish actions, and then the gull that is dumped over me at every single serious conversation.

This is my life, some of my closet tell me to take charge of her but I'm more content watching someone dig a crater. Because at some point, you can only tell someone the same thing 294238705029834 times before you start to share the psychosis and last night I caught wind of something foul.

So I did what I do best and just walked. I gave a hobo warm beer and I broke into a couple abandoned venues. Scribbled madness all over my notebooks and howled at the moon with something fierce in the back of my throat. Tried to play with two fire extinguishers but they were broken. Pissed off the top of a parking garage and sang allowed "the day I tried to live". I texted with an angel for a bit and flirted with what life could be like if I wasn't a simpleton.

It all ended with me breaking into the house the workers were "guarding". I use that word loosely, since I was smashed, made a ton of noise, and some how still got inside. Once inside I surveyed all the work done since my explosion and thought about mixing up all the boxes out of spite. Don't know if I was just to drunk to muster up the strength or if I truly understand the crazyness that rattles around in her head. I uncorked some wine that was left in the fridge, scribbled some more in a book, and passed out on a black couch. I have passive aggression down to an art form, judges gave me a 9.8, and no one got hurt. A lot better then I use to be but then again I'm told it's all relative.

There are more nice things to say and I'll write them soon enough. For now...I need a lot of water!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Oh life!

You think you know, I can see it, the wrinkles of your forehead give it all away, and that smug ass smile is all to familiar. I once became fascinated with the every day dealings of an obnoxious fool who claimed all he knew was that he knew nothing at all. I swore with a large dose of teenage angst to be like that man. Somehow, time marches on, and begins to teach us it's linear lessons. Run over, round, through, and out...

...I walked into that dance competition with a plate full of know how and a tongue full of whatever could be. The two exploded and I now plug away at these keys in the most unlikely of scenarios. Her n's been a theme in my life...well, really all of our lives. At some point when we finally start to realize, all of this, is because of a women, and that's maybe why it's not suppose to make sense ;)

So yeah, don't know if you've done much reading on mystical experiences but allow me to inform you that they are extremely RARE! That night, in that space, with those people, I saw things only I was meant to see, and have been trying to figure them out for months now. However, somewhere after the car crash, being stranded in Atlanta, the great flood of expectations but before a return to normalcy (normal for me mind you.) I stopped trying to figure it all out and made an astounding realization. The thing that got me this far, the thing that went wayward right before my plunge into darkness has at long last returned to me, and its safe to say I'm overjoyed.

Intuition! Wiki it if you don't for ways to sharpen it and when you think it's as razor sharp as mine meet me on the Belmont rocks ;)

Who knows man, not me, passing that burden on a million passer buyers with far shrewder intellects. I've truly learned a great deal these past 9 months. To be completely cheesy, I feel re-born, except for the knee, the bad back, and the mouth hard wired to blow. Fresh in mind and perspective. Once again enjoying this ride, because my equals, truly, deeply, it's that, and that is what there is to love.

Speaking of that flighty four letter feeling...she's doing well these days. We run into burning buildings for sport and find a million different ways to make the world ours. From chirps to beeps to way to much cream cheese we gain momentum. Where it leads us is no doubt the hilarious punch line to my entire existence. If you ever, EVER, find anyone on this earth who can put up with your shit...RUN!!! Once you see that it's inevitable, leave the light on for them to find their way back to you, and proceed to lob concussion grenades at one another for sport. After a while I believe you develop a tolerance, a longing, and a modest understanding for an overwhelming feeling.

As this song runs hard and loud through these ear buds I choke back happy tears of redemption. I feel a flickering of a momentous roar, a sustainable urge that I dare not defy, and please forgive me in advance if I trample you with my best intentions. In the coming days we make our accent into greener pastures and we ride by the skin of our teeth. She doesn't know, I don't know, and to tell ya something close to the truth...I don't think we care to.