It was one of "those" days...

So...
.......yeah....
One of those days...

I waKe up feeling, fit, fresh, fantastic, and pumped about the infinite possibilities stretching out before me...

...I was suppose to have some company along the way on what would end up being one of the best solo trips I've ever had. Mr. Migz ends up having to go handle some adult details at his new job and I wish him well. I invite some people to meet me up @ the art institute to enjoy the closing week of what was the !!!FREE MONTH!!! all that amazing art...NO DOLLARS! I thought about running around there will my good friend emily, invited my most favorite ninja TMY, but once I got there I realized what is I'm going to be doing these next couple months and needed to go this one alone. @ any rate I'm getting a little a head of myself.......as I tend to do.

I purchase a 3day CTA pass and figure that I'm going to make this ole girl work for her worth :D I really had no idea how much I'd make her work, or how hilarious it would be but I definitely go my 14 dollars worth; and as it would happen to happen Randimous is running around doing something similar on it right now (fuck the man(or the system(or something))). HOP ONTO THE BLUE LINE from Belmont, make sure to lay down false sents on other trains in case rival ninjas might be out tracking me today, and head to the loop to meet my homey VLaD for some tasty eats.

------------How I know Vlad is a lot like how I know a lot of you. However, Vlad and I bonded in a real way the first evening we met. I ask questions...More importantly I listen to the answers (90% of the time) and I watch the firework display on your face as you answer. I asked Vlad at this party, yeah I know the name, but ya know, at this party, it was all about love if I remember correctly...I asked him what was troubling him. He looked a little out of sorts and he went in about "Caring" way to much what people think. I was taken a back because I was struggling with the same dilemma (EVERYDAY!!!!) and so we chatted bout this and that and came to some great conclusions. More importantly we started laying ground for an amazing friendship-----We meet for lunch, he tells me stories about his new relationship, work, and we laugh about this festival we raged at this past summer. He's a great guy......and trys to buy me lunch...for the second time. I still owe him so I say, you get yours, i'll get mine......but soon here, I'm taking that bastard out for a fucking FLAME ass lunch!

My ASS!!! The entire DAY previous, DROPPING BOMBS, crop dusting the shit out of so many people. I think i ate some bad meat at my house the day before. I knew I shouldn't of but it was going and I didn't want to waste it. So I ate it all and the poor unsuspecting people at the "ButterFly Social Club" fell victim. So yeah I get out of eating lunch with Vlad and my stomach is right back on that mission from the day before. I hop across the street to city hall and hot air scoots me about the chambers of mediocrity. I take my little ticket and I wait in a room of not so enthusiastic looking people. Were all waiting on permits, or somesort of something saying we can do the things we want to do, but need to wait for acceptance from an invisible higher power that I assure you isn't god! (I think I meant to put another "O" in that last word but what's the difference) Yeah, I wait, and wait; It's bad when your stanking your self out with Ass gasses but fuck it. I let em rip and hope this tactic will expedite my wait...it doesn't...but finally after sometime I end up getting to chat with a very tightly well kept public servant. We do a little dance, I play a song or two from my rectum, and before I know it I'M A LICENSED street performer!!! HAHAHAHA watch the fuck out CHICAGO, I'm going to be out there hustlin...straight HUSTLIN all year...MICHIGAN AVE IS GOING TO BE MY BITCH, oh and I'll bring some friends a long too. I head downstairs and get my picture taken...shit eating cheeeezy grin, and I kept my hat on. 100dollars to get legit and just watch me flip that shit in a few weeks like uhhh lickety split.

A hop skip and jump over a few blocks and I surprise my friend susu. She is an amazing fashion designer and is going to be helping me with this costume idea I have for a video I'm shooting this summer. Her hair has magically gone missing since last I'd seen her but this new dew shapes her face loverly. Our visit is brief and sweet and before I know it I'm back out in those city streets.

My plan had been after all my running around to head to the art institute and take advantage of the free month they were having. Before I head in though I stop into a jamba juice to grab a drink and use there restroom. I'm told to take the yellow banana and I don't know why this maybe me laugh like it did but I ended up locking the banana in the bathroom. I'm told I'm not the first...I ask the young man behind the counter "Are they going to let me take this delicious smoothie into the museum with me?" and he says "Not sure but you can just tell them Spencer says it's o.k.". So I head across the street to the museum and Spencer was SooOOoooO wrong. I don't stress, i walk about the lobby, sip my smoothie and take out two pieces of paper to ingest. Before my journey even begins things get weird...but like good weird.

About two days ago I was sitting on my couch thinking about things. All of a sudden I thought about this great friend I had in high school and how I hadn't seen her in years. Acidenough right as I'm throwing my smoothie away and talking to Dre (he clicks the clicker when you walk by) she comes walking right up to me. !!!YIKES!!! We talk about this and that, I learn that she's happily married to one of our old class mates and she's slowly mastering her universe. I'm over joyed to see her and I feel this will be a great omen for the next twelve hours. Not more then two minutes after she leaves, I plow into this very enthusiastic young man who is Dottcom's "biggest fan and we start instantly talking about the party where he threw me into a group of people because I said I wanted to mash. He's a massive young man and I'm glad to have him on my side. I tell him about Leprechaun Disco and how we are going to absolutely demolish that place. He says he'll be there no doubt and then we peace out. I maybe get 25ft into the museum and I walk into two more ravers I know. This interaction is brief and sweet...I need to take my seat in front of my favorite picture in the whole museum(click here to see this picture). I can feel her taking over me and as I stare into the textures of the painting they all begin to swirl. Life, death, consequence, and overcoming uncertainty with only what your given in this life. That is what I'm staring out at, slowly becoming more lucid, and peeling back the un-needed layers of myself.

I keep to myself on the come up and love the way the sculptures whisper through my headphones. At one point I join a large group of peoples peeping out this . I come to a shocking realization that down in the far right corner there is a monkey...just chillen. I walk up to this younger dude staring at the picture and I say.

"Uhhh, FYI, there's totally a monkey chilling @ that park..."

To which he replys

"WHOA! I've never noticed that before......Oh my god it doesn't even have a leash on."

I fade off in the background after a parting greeting and I laugh at life must have been like when monkeys could just walk freely about parks. The rest of my visit is mild in my mind and I really just spend a large bulk of time in front of a few favorite pieces. I decide to beat the closing rush and head out into the windy winter streets with a gigantic smile on my teeth.

I head over to millennium park to begin what will be a productive day of filming some dance footage. I get a lovely shot of my favorite skyscraper...I call her the smurfette. I watch a fantastic melting pot of face skate around the ice rink and I think how this is the third winter in a row I didn't have anyone to go with. It's not all boo-who but it seems hard to find a lady to go ice skating with. Most are like...HELL NO!!! to cold and then the other camp is like...I Don't know how. Still got a few weeks left...maybe...will see...i got one hopeful :D

I start down Michigan Ave as the sun starts to slink back behind the steel and glass. Everywhere my eyes wander, OH! that would be a nice spot, I see some competition, and I start to dream about making these city streets scream and spill cream for me and my team. Will start slow but by the summer will have a ridiculous show. I hope some of you stop by and throw some shiny in my bucket :)

As I'm passing all the stores and watching the shifting facial expression of fellow peoples I get this crazy idea and take off running. My good friend Tommy is suppose to visit his dads jazz bar tonight and I happen to be a few block (I think) away from it. I decide...it's time to Ninja the ninja master. I set out to find this dank like jazz bar called "The Underground Wonderbar" that I had been to previously once before. Walking around aimlessly for what had to be an hour bent on dica and bumping beastly tunes out of my headphones I end up somehow getting lost...very lost. At one point I wander into a church, celestial directions, but instantly get lost in the wood work. Every single piece has such lavish details carved and burned into it. I can feel my intrigue being manipulated and pulled into this presbyterian vortex. When suddenly I'm saved by a ringing in my pocket...It's D-skreet (please check this amazing dancer out immediately). He calls to ask me questions about the workshop were having tomorrow and see what I'm doing this evening. He keeps me on the phone long enough to break the trance of the church and I start heading to the jazz bar once more.

There are a few things that just don't seem to work on this substance. The theme that continually finds it's ways into my acid trips is getting lost. Not in the metaphorical way, I mean that happens to, but, I'm talking about taking a right when you don't need to or know why you did and then riding that right for way to long. I give up and give in...I walk up to some knowledgeable looking bell hops. Instantly I'm given the directions I need and head to the bar.

As I enter I realize how stupid I'm about to sound but I just go into it anyways.

"Yo! uh...So I have a friend whose going to be coming to this spot later in the day. He's a ninja, well I'm a ninja too, were both ninjas, and I just want to get some video footage of me dancing around this place to be all like...Bam! ninja'd. I mean, it's just going to be a funny joke really, and it would make my day that much mo...."

He tells me it's all good and chuckles the full kind, the real kind, and i set my camera up. What's really trippy...like trippy trippy...is this TRACK comes on. I remember right as I'm pressing record he's spitting something about friendship and loyalty and as I begin to dance I think a lot about syncronicity. Funny enough, as I get done smashing that track and pack up my stuff...Daft Punk comes roaring through the speakers and I'm reminded of one of my other favorite peoples in the world. Probably my most favorite :D

(27 going on 28...still playing favorites...It's what I do and makes me me but trust me I have crazy love for everyone in my circle...That circle seems to grow more every week.)

Yeah so I sit at the bar...order a jameson so as to blend in and the dialog pours about as the spirits do. There are only three of us in there but the philosophy is rich and the jokes are many. I learned that barry bonds hat size went up two sizes while he was using...wonder if peoples contacts prescriptions change after years of acid use? who knows...I buy RICO's next drink and dip out to the Red Line thinking..."WHY E YIE E SUPERMANS DEAD!!!" hahhaha just ripping it through my head phones singing loudly. So much as I completely forget where I'm going and get "lost". However I start asking passer byers if they know where Chicago (the street) is and no one seems to know. I bump into the most RANDOM dentist ever...he was charming, quick witted, and from Seattle. We walk to stretch of two blocks before he verges off on a new path. Hope he emails me...our exchange was classic...made me re think all my previous conceptions of that profession.

So, I end up in the basement of the red line, I push pass the panhandlers and this amazing vocalist...no time, sorry, my blatter is full and I've also got the urge to groove down here. I set up my camera and get to snapping right fast quick and in a hurry. I love the rush...THE EXTREME rush of spontaneous creation in obscure venues. The looks I get are fitting and I finish the track in time to catch the next silver bullet. This is where the night gets tricky...

...

My tummy starts to rumble and it becomes a struggle to choose a place to dine. I'm coming up to north avenue and I remember a delicious Bacci's Pizza being on the corner. So I hop off bumping some tortured soul through my buds. I'm singing a long, probably at an obnoxious volume, and it gets the attention of Rinatta the CTA worker. I make some direct eye contact as I sing the lines "Did you miss me everyday that I was gone, ARE YOUR FEELINGS DEEP ENOUGH..." it goes on, she smiles and I exit the station. Come to find that Bacci's is under construction along with the whole station. So I head over to Borders to take a quick shake and then decide to climb up this parking garage. Once to the top I take in this ridiculous view. I remember I have an orange, get to peeling it, while dancing about listening to more TS, and trying to pack a bowl. It's weird, I have a knack for doing 3 things at once, and eventually I get them all done. The night is crisp and I watch my breath twist and shape into a trillion designs barreling towards the city skyline. I admire my new found vantage point but then realize the orange is only a temporary fix to a real problem.

I go back down to the RED line and Rinatta is there with a huge smile waiting. I come through and tell her the name of the group I was singing and her smile widens. Then she turns up her radio, some Marvin Gaye track that escapes me as I type but we both laugh a bit. Then this really weird tension comes through our interaction as she opens the door to her booth. She begins flirting with me and I'm instantly flattered but at the same time WAAAAAAAY over my head. I do my best to dodge any sort of seriousness and slip away with the next big crowd that comes storming through.

Once back on the train I ride a few more stops and hop off because I think to myself how I'd like to revisit an old memory at a Potbelly's. So I jump off and make for a delicious sammich on Belmont, where I once made a very sad Polish girl laugh a thousand times harder then we both expected. However, I get a few feet from the station and I think that my stomach isn't really as sentimental as my brain and I turn back to hop on the train again.

Back on...

...Then off...only to remember there is this dank grill right on the corner of Broadway and Lawrence that I haven't eaten at in a long while.

So I ride my shiny bullet down to where I need to be and B line it for satisfaction. This is going to work out good because I'm suppose to be meeting TMY @ kinetic and it's literally in spitting distance. Plus the grill is right next to where I once had the largest implosion on stage EVER!!! oh yeah...on acid...hahaha! I guess my gut was feeling sentimental. I walk by the green mill, look inside and laughter takes over my senses. I remember it so vividly, her standing in the crowd, the mic chord dropping out, being laughed at, boo'd, and just pushing through it all to present a really meaningful piece. SNOBS!!! I'll be back one day, see, now I know what I'm dealing with, before I was just an ignorant poet from off the streets, but next time...

I'm thinking about heading in and getting something to eat when this man approaches me. I actually saw him sizing me up before he even began with the left right left. So I listen to his pitch, it's one of sincerity, something about a child, his wife, labor issues, and now him being stranded. He won't leave me be, I make note that he's not looking me in the eyes as he's begging me for the money so I don't trust him and so then he comes at me with full tears.

"You don't understand, I've been stuck out here, I have no way to get on the bus I need too. I'm about to be a father..."

It just goes on and on...

So I call him out on it and he then goes into even more details. Starts showing me identification and adding more complexities to the story. It's been cold all day but it's definitely dropped down into something super chilly at the moment. My stomach is telling this guy to fuck off but the humanitarian in me wants to really go round and round with his wits. I make sure to let him know that I know he's nothing more then a junkie. I let him know that I'm the type of person who'd help anyone, also I'm the type of person whose seen so many different forms of substance abuse wash over so many various faces that I can always tell when I'm dealing with an addict. HE STILL PERSISTS!!! and now I'm getting a little pist...so I say, follow me, I'm going to take out some money for you but your going to listen to what I have to say before I give it to you.

There is always a choice!!! ALWAYS!!!

Addiction, so many of us suffer from it, and you sir are no different. You give in and grab a quick fix instead of figuring out a better way. There are clinics, medicines, outreach programs, and many other services to help you clean up your life. Instead, you'd rather try to beg money from people, LIE, steal, and take from those who are actually struggling to get by and carve out a decent life. This to me makes you one of the most worthless forms of human life on this earth. However, I'm the type, that is on some just in case, and since you've decided to bring a child into your story I feel EXTREMELY obligated to help. PLUS, I'm a writer and this experience will benefit me in some way, shape, or form.

There is more to my rant but it's been many weeks since that night and I can't remember. I hand him 20bucks, my business card, and the firmest look I can muster up. "PROVE ME WRONG MOTHERFUCKER. Send me a picture of your new born with you holding it and hell I'll take your whole family out to dinner to get the real story." He takes the money, the business card, and is shook the fuck up. Still though, you can tell he's chasing a fix that he hasn't had in quite sometime, and his parting words are left deaf on the door step of my canal. I breath deep as he leaves my site and I'm thinking Oh What a Night. Twenty bucks I didn't really have to spend but at the same time I'm left wondering what if. I could have read him wrong, my gut could have been more focused on food then the needs of that man but as time will soon prove he was just another junkie. These sorts of situations sadden me greatly but what are we suppose to do. The world grows colder, people become more desperate, and we fill that gaping sucking hole with poisons instead of Love. Whoever he was, I hope he got to where he was going, and in the midst of becoming a new father and blah blah blah, lost my card. I kick myself in the ass on the way into the diner and think how my step father would have been proud.

Bout a year, A year previously from this one, I walked into this very same dinner and met Claudio. We chatted it up something fierce and he told me the secret to learning Spanish. A year later and two failed attempts at picking up the basics of the language I shake hands with him. I tell him I was here the year previous and he instantly does a brilliant reconstruction of that night!!! TERRRRRRRIPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!! Glad I didn't go to pot bellys, glad Bacci's was under construction, and I'm very glad to have brought my pen and pad. 1/2 a tasty gyro later, Claudio and I make plans to exchange greetings next year. He tells me to trust him, the easiest way to learn Spanish is to date a women who speaks it. Ohhhhh Claudio...hahahahhhahaha!
The world moves about with strange amazing winds, paths cross, criss, and back across sometimes. We know not why but I'm learning to trust in the insides, engage and unwind.

Sooo, I head across the street to kinetic...On my way in a person panhandling by the red line get's the last of my generosity. I figure I'm going for broke this evening and he had an honest face. Or something similar and rationale...

...I get to kinetic...
It costs some serious money and the music is...meh...I mean VibeSquad did a great job but I'm trapped in between a lot Bro's and listening to Electronic Jam bands is low on my list of priorities. These be the last few hours of my lucid experience so I'm feeling extremely introverted......

The day was one of productivity, dancing, writing, observations into the minds of many minds, and whimsical adventures through THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!!!

LET ME GET SOME ACTION FROM THE BACK SECTION

I'm all about danced out and pretty much socializing with peoples here and there. I tell TMY that I'd like to get going, he says something about sticking around for a few more tracks. I say coo coo and wander about the drunken attendees. Then from the land of no where she comes into view, up on stage, dancing with little to no cares, clutching a beer, and serendipitously fulfilling my deepest of tripper wishes.

We'd been chatting it up a lot these past passing days. Wouldn't ya know it...!BAM!...Head on collision right after I was suppose to have already left. We wave and all of a sudden my urge to stay has been renewed. As soon as I decide this though, she disappears, and so I go back to dancing. The day is long!!! The night is at a nice length but I can't help want to crack open a couple conversations with her. The problem becomes...WHERE THE HELL DID SHE GO?!?!?!?

After a little bit she comes out from hiding. Dancing around up on stage again behind the final musical act @ the playground. I watch he beat up some poor unsuspecting stage light and my stomach feels like a 60 piece trapeze act. We exchange numbers before I leave and I don't stay round much longer...
...What a DAY!!! So many more amazing ones to come... Spring to me is all about anticipation. There are more then just a few things to be excited for, I pass out on the floor of HQ with my sleeping bag and pillows. Kitties cuddle up and I slip quickly into a lovely coma...rest easy legs.

The heartbreak that is February prt3

So I was chilling over at my buddy Kai's house and I was telling him how last months title for my weekly writings was "January Out of a Gunshot" and true to the title January was a crazy month. Non-stop the entire time full throttle and it spilled over into February and distressed wreck. So I told him I had named this months on going posts "The Heartbreak That is February" and true to form it's been an emotional roller coaster. We both laughed and then he suggested that next months title should be "In March I Find a Million Dollars".

There is so much I'm not allowed to write about this week....

....So i'll stick to what I am allowed to write about.

She has this new thing she does, it's usually around 7 in the morning, and I'm usually deep into my sleep. She just starts coming up and rubbing her face on me, meowing, and acting all super cute. My cat is extremely stand offish normally but these past few weeks our bond has been becoming stronger. My theory is she does this because she wants to wake me up, allowing me to catch my REM cycle once more and have those crazy strong intense dreams. Because all week I was walking around pretty lucid, through scenes I'll forever try to imagine in my awake state. I love my cat and our story is what I'm clinging to as I lose more and more of my heart to this wretched month.

She came walking in, looking like fall might have something left to say to me, and everyone wanted her attention. We were at this party, the horsemen, nereida, and lucy. We'd just had a great day at the botanical garden and were now winding down at a party where I was going to win a 100bucks just for doing what I normally do at every party. So long story short...

I picked her up and put her down a bunch and she just kept coming back up to me. The last time I put her down she ran back off into the city early morning streets. About an hour later I take out my blues harp and begin to jam outside this black gate. Within minutes she comes running back up to me circling my feet, just wanting to kick it, and I knew then I was in trouble.

I took her to the vet clinic my brother works at and within a week my pretty snow covered princess was street legal. I had no where to put her at that time, so fortunately for me, my friend Nereida loved her as much as I did and took care of her for a few months. Now, we kick it, watch movies, eat cinnamon life together, and she listens to all my late night rants. Animals are the best, it's a deep connection, and keeps those of us that don't like being alone feeling a little more secure with out constant companionship. Lately, she's been becoming more playful, and I'm excited to bring her around parties during the spring and summer months...LOOK OUT!!!

So went to Green Dolphin on Monday, got down with Mr. D-Skreet and Distortion. Some how Distortion took a nap at the club and D-skreet as always just smashed shit the entire time we were there. That guy knows dancing :D You should come check out our workshop this weekend (Click here for info)

Tuesday night is my weekly open mic I've been trying to get off the ground at Jimmy's Grill in down town Naperville. Once again the weather that day doesn't cooperate that well but i take it in stride. Get a little drunk, talk a lot of shit, swap some words with Robyn at the bar, and promise her that one week will have people here for her to present to. I do some writing and reflect on just what it is I keep getting chin checked for.

Wednesday was just a murderous cluster fuck, driving about, picking people up, dropping people off. Cooking large amounts of food at AwesomeHq and seeing the nastiest bruise I done did ever see in my life. You think holla hooping is all fun and games, a great way to work out your body...THINK AGAIN!!! ask Emily, she'll tell you the dangers involved.

Thursday is some karaoke, QUEEN, Don't stop me now and a few whiskeys. I love people watching at bars but what I really love is when the people watchers catch me people watching and there like...."What the fuck is he doing with his fingers" I usually build them a picture, then spin it round in 3D, light the bitch on fire, and do it all over again until they can properly get it.

We finally...FINALLY...Slide into the weekend!!! Just found out Tommy is going to get rich and get some lobbyist to extend the weekend indefinitely. I'm going to throw some loot into this pipe dream as well because they just keep getting better and better.

Friday night I have my Dubstep intern Kevin, his sweetly cynical friend Turtle, and the 1/2 man 1/2 machine Distortion all sitting around a table sweat shop style. Were making labels for bit[c]rush mixes, burning CD's, and answering the question..."what is reality" I love that one...few have an answer that satisfies my brain box but Kevin's buddy keeps up pace and we agree to disagree in the end. We crank out a shit ton of CD's and listen to some great tunes. Soonish Randy comes home and I'm given the dopest tie I do belive I've ever been given...This is mostly because I don't think ne one has given me a tie but also because it's this sick ass orange tie with an amazing pattern. I'm a happy boy and even happier when he informs me the Lucy can kick it with me now whenever I'd like. I begin to ponder all the good her and I will do together and who knows the wonders will soon see.

The sweat shop and I roll out to Cafe Lura @ 9 to catch the open bar and some dank dubstep. I slam 3 drinks like whoa! I get to jam on the microphone for a quick second and shout out Dottcoms night tomorrow, as well as kick a quick verse with Mr. Nameloc. We then dip out this free source party at the blackhole and the night comes to a screeching hault. Her name is Brittney but most people know her as Sunshine. She's an amazing women, breath of fresh air, and probably could kick the shit out of your biggest friends. Our flirting is on par to smash all previous records this evening and she smells like a comfort long forgotten. This girl and I always have a great time, she helps me pass out flyers for the biggie of a party I'm helping with the day after. Kevin, Turtle, myself and Ms. Sunshine leave the party cracking the fuck up at the Hardstyle that was being bumped at what was suppose to be the peak of the night there.

I take Turtle and the most baddest assed chess wizard intern you've never done seen to the "hostile" and then Sunshine and I head back to AwesomeHQ. As were leaving the hostile this car drives by us and there are like 8 "Juggernaut" flyers stuck to it and I crack the fuck up. Frisby is a monster when it comes to bombing parking lots.

Back @ HQ we smoke some pots, do some dances but all to soon it's pass out time. She smells great and we take turns being the big spoon...I think she's way better at it then me.

...Then the morning comes...

I have to drive her to a friends way the way south, then fight my way back to HQ, grab my buddy joe, wrangle up Distortion, and make it to the congress by 3:00. I get there on the button sporting 4 pizzas and a couple of 2liters. I figure these guys have already been working and have not bothered to stop for some lunch. Sure enough they are about half way done with setting up the lighting rig and are pretty happy to get some food in there bellies. HOLY HELL...the amount of planning and time that went into this set up. We just kept rolling in speakers and then I'd glance up at the stage and there would be some new dopeness attached to what was shaping up to be the best light display I'd ever seen at a rave (if you called it a concert your a fucking tool). We get our booth set up, all the sound in the doors, and the panic begins. We have only a few more hours till the destruction finally arrives.

I get dismissed from the venue by Bob and told that I need to be back with everyone thats anyone by 8 p.m.

I start to head out to pick up Stephanie and her boyfriend DJ. As I'm leaving though I get told Mr. DJ is stranded in the loop and I think this a perfect opportunity to really get to know the dude my friend is attaching herself to slowly but surely. I pick him up, he hops in my ride and I frantically start driving about the loop looking for a way to cut through all the BS happening on 90/94. I end up taking a few wrong turns but then steer us clear and it's a straight shot to the SledgeWhich.

He's a nice guy, seems to speak from the heart, and it's funny how our stories over lap. He actually starts asking me questions which is good because I need a distraction from the turmoil tumbling around in my head. I give him much to much ammunition but he seems like the cavalier type...so hopefully I'm in the clear. I get some background on him and his current couch surfing adventures...soonish we pull up to Vanessa's house. Steph comes down and Nessa follows and gives me the saddest eyes ever through the door. I run up and say...

"Ya know I love you right." She replies "No you don't" and I say "Oh like any of this would be happening right now if it wasn't for you." and there is a slight look of relief that creeps over her brow. I can still sense tension so I ask steph whats wrong, it's pretty simple, she feels left out tonight...So I...Already on a time crunch, tell her to hurry up pack everything up and if I have to pay for her (i'm only suppose to bring two people with) then I will but I can't stand seeing that pouting face from the door.

We pile in my silver streaking and head back to where destruction will begin in about an hours time. I speed, swerve from lane to lane with ease, and I'm so tense I actually have a Cig. This amuses her, her smile is long and stretching like the skyline coming into view. I watch those two in the back and feel something I never knew.

@ the congress, construction is complete and they are running through sound checks. The stage is just sick, the lighting rig is intimidating, and the gang is all starting to take their positions. Rick and Bob are running round just frothing from there talk boxes. It's always funny to watch promoters run about the venue before doors open. There is so much "oh shit" going on, I just stay clear and help where I can.

We get Joe set up and I introduce him to Lucy properly, then I give my co-workers something to enhance there night as well, and then I slip into my suit. I practice my verse a few times in the bathroom back stage and by the 2nd go round I know I've got it. I'm so thankful to have a friend like Mr. Crush and I've been practicing real hard to make sure and not spoil this opportunity he's giving me.

Please go to http://www.midwest-edm.com/ for a full review of Juggernaut. I'll give you my brief blurbed bellow but I'd say get the full review from all peoples that were there. Plus there is a ton of video flying around and way to many pictures.

Funsize got it started right and rocked it like a champ for his set. I did my best to get people up and off the wall for him and towards the end we had a nice group of people up and dancing. He's a great guy and constantly picking up the slack in our underground scene. Bit[c]rush came out slanging new tracks, remixing old ones with new ones, and left me just enough time to bust off a fat ass verse I had been working on. He got a great crowd response and the massif grows stronger. Synthetic Pulse came up and did his thing and he had brought an amazing cheering section with him. DJ f8less...uhhh...had technical difficulties or something, don't really know. THEOmuthafuckingG greased up the dance floor and had people slamming about for a solid hour. He was perched up having a great time and it was pretty easy to see that he was more then pleased with the response he was getting...WTF dropping some drum&bass right in the middle of his set :D

I had to dip out towards the end of Theo's set to walk a 1/2 block to meet up with Mr.Crush, Mr. Com, and the dynamic duo of Kevin & Turtle. I got to flirt with this amazing bartender, kick some rhymes, spread the good word, high five with some good folks, and watch my friend drop some sick sick tracks (thanks for that Beats track). I grab some of Dotty's new mixes and I head back over to catch the middle of PLASTICFANGS set. This is a collaboration between tolgar & pm and like they said bad intentions all over it. Easily the most enjoyable show to watch through out the evening. These two poured out a lot of energy and played a huge variety of music. The light rig came to life and started moving vaporizing kids all through out the crowd. Keith Mack the breaks mack dropped this SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCK remix of an old drum&bass track "Drowning". Heavygrinder just got filthy and put the remaining moments of the party into a frenzy with some dirty ass electro.

If you want there music go here...

http://soundcloud.com/bitcrush

http://soundcloud.com/p-m

http://soundcloud.com/whitelabelz

...those are the only ones I could find at the moment.

These guys came through and really put together a nice show...good variety of music and YEAH tons of energy to match the epic light show going on behind them the entire time.

We ended up raising a nice little chunk of money for our conference. Our friend Joe ended up getting some really good exposure for himself and Gabby gets a beautiful painting to stare at FOREVER. AHAHhaHA lot's of win going on at the party and even more win in the hours that followed. My favorite part was trying to get Theo and Yolanda to jack with me in this open area of the congress. It really just turned into me slamming around and almost breaking my next to some good tunes :D I love my friends and love the fact that they put up with me being a spazz all the time.

We head back to AwesomeHQ all our effects in hand. I end up making out with lucy at a really strange time...like way to way to late but I did it the weekend before so...hmmm, I just wanted to try it out and gather my brain as everyone else would surely be puttering out sooner then me.

Pizzadillas, The Green Room packed with bodies, Floasis family in full effect minus one, to many new people twiddling there fingers, kitties everywhere, lots of orange juice, Matt and Sheesh, poetry, mindless rantings, ton's of laughter, great chunes, and the merging of many good people on the end of a great night. This is my rave family and I love them more then anything. We cook for one another, listen and help, and yeah, I don't know, we just genuinely care about the goings onz in everyones life that puts in quality time around the house.

Nessa, Steph, and DJ had an amazing trip and started to wind down. I got to watch DJ get defeated by a rubix cube and it was almost as funny as watching tommy pretend to not pass out. Everyone eventually sleeps and I'm left to the madness of my mind.

They are curled up under my sleeping bag looking like everything I'd ever hoped to of known. Comfort, friendly, warmth, a new cycle starting fresh, spinning in whatever direction it might, contentment, and dare i say the early stages of love.

See, for some of you reading this, that word is a scary thing and maybe you don't believe that there is more then one way to express it. I on the other hand enjoy watching it in all it's various stages. That girl deserves the world and while I'm in it, I'll do all I can to make sure she has it. While they sleep I stuff simba in my back seat for a final surprise to her. He was suppose to be my cat, HE'S ORANGE, and GORGEOUS...just amazing!!! He makes her soooo happy too...seemed like the right thing to do and it got done. Now she texts me from time to time to tell me what he's doing, those texts always make me a happy man.

I had to leave a lot of the heartbreak out of this post because I told her I would. I wrote it down in other places, for private eyes and what have you. The month soldiers on and I live to like to write about it as it comes. I couldn't be happier with how the weekend turned out. That party was AMAZING it brought me back to when I was young, way wilder, and constantly dazzled by those pretty lights.

RICK AND BOB I LOVE YOU...Can't wait to help with LightItUp3. Thanks for bringing back the other side of raves in Chicago that have been gone for much to much to long. My sword is yours for as long as you need it...I don't rep one crew. I'm one man on a single mission, to bring more unity to our very scattered underground scene and then use that unity to put on an amazing international dance conference. Sure could use some help...what do you say?

2nd best

Unrequited

Uninvited

To this crazy little thing called love

I'm delighted

Just excited

to have amazing friends & hugs

Still though loneliness be blowing up my phone much to much

Still this car runs minus the busted clutch

Another stray bullet & I'm rushed

To where tuff men's eyes get stuck with dust

Where monster trucks sit useless admiring their rust

I sit high up watching an impending dusk

Wishing, praying, for an "us"

mending my mangled trust

but still though these stitches gush

I sit stitched the fuck up

Craving the next crush

& sipping life slow from a bottomless cup

NO! It's not enough

2nd best is for suckers, saps, & schmucks

This heart is hardened & tuff

Holding out for perfection not lust

HAhHAhaHAHAHhAHA!

I take tea weekly with disgust!

he says give up

He also says ya'll are sitting ducks

quacking out the same obnoxious bluff

NO IT'S NOT ENOUGH!!!

Check the confidence in my strut

Watch the sharp angles when I tut

Wrestling with these emotions that bubble & boil abrupt

Since before I was the boy who became the man pretending to still be a boy bent on battling luck

I was the "WHAT"!

every perfect pothole & rutt

Giving up,

is long gone from my vocabulary

Cuz 2nd best just isn't enough.

The heartbreak that is February prt2

So much to much to write about this previous week, Monday through Friday will be brief because the most of the much comes during the weekend.

Had some friends come by the lab early in the week to keep me a float. The money situation was just awful. I get paid by the government on the first of every month for attending school. I am a military veteran currently using (abusing?) his educational benefits. However, they love to screw with those benefits every start of every new semester. They usually try to pin it on me and a failure to do something by a certain date. This semester that would not be the case...Handed everything with dotted I's and criss crossed T's way way waaaaaaaaaay in advance. Still though sitting in my basement apartment broke as shit on the 11th of February. AHhaHAHa! wtf! Work at my job is close to a stand still and I'm pretty sure you are all familiar with the job market these days. I'm a pretty carefree person, tire marks on my back, but a big ass smile usually plastered on my face. Money though does seem to stress me the fuck out......just like everybody else right.

So I finally get paid...on Wednesday and things start looking up. I pay my rent, take my kitty into the Vet, get some food for the fridge, pay back friends, and breath a sigh of relief. I also start thinking about the impending holiday..............actually, it's now passed and I'm still "Pondering" bout that very crazy day.

I call her up, she's drunk, and cracking me up. Whether she's drunk or not she always cracks me up, like side splitting shit, and my abs just might love her more then I do. I start to ask her what she's doing for valentines day and she says she really doesn't have any plans at the moment. So I ask..."wanna be my valentine?" I haven't asked anyone that in a lonnnnnnnnnnnng time, I mean we all know it's a hallmark holiday and blah blah blah. Then again, it's a symbolic day, one centered around love and romance. I couldn't really think of anyone better to spend it with then her, come to think of it, since I realized what she meant to me, it's hard to think about spending time with anyone else......then again, that's sort of the definition of love. Well, real love, the deep cutting kind, that changes you, gets you feeling the world a new....

Time ouT!!! Let me say this...

I'm a deeply passionate person, I love ALL THE TIME, and will continue to. I've been dropped, broken, damaged, crushed, shattered, and much much more all in the name of love. To me though there are many types of love. We the american peoples only have one word for such a profound expression. It's intense really, the things we do in the name of it, the things we let others do to us because of it, and just all the awesome that is littered around the world in the name of it. SO! say what you will about me, or people like me, but we live to love and love again. I've had it before, it left me (i pushed it away?), it's come back for brief visits, and I know I'll have it one day again. When she's around me, it feels like I'm getting closer, but then again great friends have the power to truly make you feel the most loved.

Time IN!!!

So we make plans to spend a fantastic Saturday with our fantastic friend. It's like a threesome but there is no sex involved, everyone keeps their clothes on, there are only two real people, and the only thing that gets fucked is your pupils.

The rest of the week flies by and I find myself @ awesomeHQ gearing up for a friday night. The plans are go to the compound and then head to Cafe Lura. I pack up my car with a great group p of friends that I've collected over this last year. We head out north to meet up with Bit[c]rush to watch him do what he does 2nd best. (www.soundcloud.com/bitcrush) When I get to the door I have to pay 15bucks to get into the party, I'm mad because one I'm promoting for two parties, and two I'm Mcing with my guy. I don't want to make waves so I pay and trudge upstairs to that old familiar scenario. It's not to long till Mr. Crush gets onto do his thing and all are very happy. His set is slamming and I'd like to think were getting the peoples moving. However, right before the end of his set, I guess the place gets raided and one of the local security guards comes walking through as I'm giving this kid some weed to smoke. He see's the exchange, I say "Just smoking some weed dude.", and he says "Oh really!". Grabs me and the young man and drags us like 15ft to a Chicago police officer. We get cuffed, hassled, jerked off through our clothes, and i'm up against the wall going FML!

The irony of this situation is two fold, first, a little more then 24 hours ago I was in court for weed. I got off really light, put on supervision, and as long as I keep out of trouble these next few months I'll go back to having a clean record. The second being, right above us, people are probably huffing nitrous and I'm being detained for 1/2 a gram of weed...WTF! It's my fault though, i thought i was in a safe place for said activities and clearly I was not.

So, I'm hand cuffed next to this total stranger, and not more then a 1/2 an hour before all this I took a pill. AHAHAHAH so now I feel it coming on and all the euphoria that it brings. There is this problem of me being in cuffs though. So I look over to my new neighbor and say..."is it illegal to beat box in cuffs?" He give me a really weird look and I just go into it. AHHAHAHHAHA! The main Sergent comes by us and I ask if I can call down to give my friends my keys. I drove a group of people there and didn't want them to be stranded. He informs me they are not charging me for the pipe and I'll be let go shortly. Ten minutes later, the very sexually confused officer that rubbed me down earlier, comes in and takes the cuffs off. He then says... "My Sergent wants me to book you guys, but I'm going to let you go. You have five minutes to disappear." AHHAHAHA! fucking cops! I say yes sir and dip the fuck out into a crowded street of confused party kids. Wondering, what the hell they paid 15 dollars for, and where the hell is the next party. I gather the troops and we head to Cafe Lura.

I like this club a lot, the ambiance is amazing, and usually the nights I find myself tucked in between those brick and bass the music is fantastic. We all head up there to meet Dottcom (http://soundcloud.com/dottcom) and his lovely lady. There is free eats, cheap cover, and TON'S of WOMP! We get there as Nameloc is going on and we blend in with the peoples to do our liquids. Scott, Tommy, Kai, and I go at it but it isn't long till I hear MC Anti on the mic. I talk with him and the promoter about possibly going back and forth with him. They both say it's o.k. and we proceed to let words ride out intrinsic and free. I have a funny moment on stage, thinking bout how a few minutes earlier I though I was going to jail, and now I'm doing this. I love it, the up's the down's, the screeching grinding of brakes before the crash, and all the sparkling wreckage litter about city streets.

We pack it up and it's back to AwesomeHQ...I walk into the house and my neighbor who I had just shared hand cuffs with is sitting in the front room. We both just start laughing our asses off and I say to him..."How about that bowl". Much smoking is done and many much more mucho dancing is done as well. I drift to sleep as most of you are probably just hitting the snooze button for the first time and wake with just enough time to shower and scoop up my valentine.

She...

.........I've already told you...She is everything and totally snuck the fuck up on me. I really couldn't think of anyone else I wanted to spend this cheesy holiday with. I had plans, then again I had no plans, but I did have options for us. So we head back to AwesomeHQ and bring all our comrades pizza and pop. We then proceed to clean the house and get ready for a very very long night. She, plays with simba, and my heart skips round those walls like never before. Her and I pile into my silver beauty and race towards our first stop of the night. The party was called "Fuck Love2" and YO! the turn out was terrible. Plus for the second time that weekend I had to pay to get into the party. I was suppose to be doing some fundraising for the conference but once I got there I was informed that the person who said it was o.k. really didn't have a say. So it's one of those situations where I don't know who to be mad at but I decide instead to not be mad and just dance.

She...

....Get's a long with everyone and does her thing. Occasionally I catch her staring at me while I dance and I can't tell you how good it feels. Well I mean I just did but it really doesn't begin to scratch the surface. It's like she lends me this confidence I feel I'm missing in my motions. I ask her at one point to dance with me and she sheepishly tries to say no...as if that would stop me. We spin round n round the dance floor till were both dizzy and laugher become our only motion. I pass out flyers for juggernaut, there aren't many people there to pass them out to, but ya know we do what we can. My date and I attached the magnificent tommy to our car ride and head to this dank DIGGITY dank warehouse party going down on the westside.

The music when we first get there is Meh, but the vibe is tight as hell and as I already pointed out the venue is sick! We take to passing out flyers and attempting to raffle off some prizes to raise money for The impending liquid conference. After an hours worth of work, Tommy and I take to dancing, and she takes to making the entire party smile bigger then they thought they could. Soon, my boss shows up, and more flyers are give out through out the party. I have a great time tripping out this group of kids on acid. I don't think they even knew what they were getting into when we first started interacting but by the end of it I know I made some new friends.

I really love my scene (oh wait sorry "our" scene) and I try to do the most good I can within it. However this weekend was a huge let down. I lost a lot of money and whats worse is I lost some respect for people I'm trying to work closely with. Will see what is done to repair those relationships over the next few weeks. I just know I came to the conclusion that the money I need to raise more then likely won't be coming from the Rave scene. It's going to come from me probably getting another job and finding ways to fund raise outside of parties. Sad but true, I've got a few more projects lined up these next two months but after that......I might be taking a step back to see who really wants to help me.

....She....

Yeah yeah, is everything to me, for sure...

I titled these posts the heartbreak that is february way way waaaaaaaay before the heartbreak came. I didn't even know it was going to come but oh WOW did it ever. I'll have to write about that later. for now...the weekend ended like.

We tried to climb up to this dank ass roof I know about to watch the sunrise. It's fucking FREEEZING but she's got her coffee and I got my hot chocolate (but ya know how scott says it). We fail, well I fail, but I have a back up plan and we head off to that. It's amazing!!! Just fucking fantastic, the colors, the sand mixed with snow, and the way our bodies beg for warmth but our eyes just won't allow them to return to the car. A moment I wouldn't trade for any other in the world. Standing there frozen in time with my valentine...the one that will never be mine.

See ya'll next week...Make sure to tell everyone that's anyone about JUGGERNAUT this weekend. It's going to be huge! were going to be deaf! and I just don't want to have to explain to you in person how great it was...bring a friend :D

Two breeds

Been watching him bounce round his box now for a quick minute

365 double that, but really the stories have no time stamp they are infinite

Since as far back as I can see theres that breed that follows the simplistic

Doing what his fathers, father, father, who heard it from the father & knew no different did

Trained to go the safe route & block out the intrinsic

Successful happy lives workers of the hive lobotomized unable to become livid

@ a life lived light held down by limits

Waaaaaay to many limits

Distracted by gimics

Fancy objects wrapped up in silky ribbons

Working for possessions passing time in a comfy prison

My pupils push past the prism

Since a young age I was able to envision

livin
A legacy opposite of what I had been given

Just a jagged juvenile smashing my family traditions

Sleeper holds on those who make the molds no escaping my submissions

Bourgeois bitching out to the man get stitches

The wild type, into the wild night, getting all my wishes

If this

Be the only one I get it's

better then good, great, grand, it's

MAGNIFICENT fucking PROLIFIC

A pasty proletarian proud to make his life epic, eclectic

Your diabolical dialectic

living to continually do the unexpected

Quick Rant...

...Wake up and call about the location of my money that is just floating about somewhere in the world due to the ridiculousness of our government programs. The conversation with the operator goes something like this...

"Yo! I must warn you, I called last week around this time and the person I spoke to assured me that I'd have my money no later then today. So, I might start cussing, and yelling but it's not meant for you but your bosses who hide and won't dare deal with a thousand people like me on the phone a day."

A slight chuckle and a ruff voice responds..."Certainly sir, allow me to apologize in advance for if you do that and I hang up on you."

Were both in agreement in what will be happening if I don't hear what I want to hear and we begin the information dance. Why we do this dance I have no idea. I already gave some automated device my fucking information but here I am BURNING up anytime minutes.

I start explaining how my money was suppose to be in my account by the 1st of Feb. How i'm an adult and have bills to pay and were like 2 weeks into February and it's still not there. I explain how when I called last week I was calm and polite even though this is the 3rd fucking semester they have fucked things up. I explain how I checked my bank account at like 1a.m. before going to sleep hoping it would come in then........He asks...

"Did you check your account before calling and bothering me?"

"Well, No, I checked it last night, things always post after midnight, and the person I spoke to last week said a week at the most." On the defensive and feeling a tad bit insulted swallowing my own medications.

"Yeah, check again, two payments posted today, with a third pending." a half chuckle through the phone. "Luckily, we didn't have to do either of the things we said we were going to do."

"I guess so, not sure what luck has to do with your people doing your job but I'm just glad I can pay my bill..." CLICK!

Out into the cold to pay all my bills, take my cat to the vet, possibly even replace all the cheap nasty things in my room she pointed out...POP BOTTLES...with juice and fruit. Why does it cost so much more in this country to lead a healthy lifestyle? 2 liter of pop costs round 1 to 2 at the most depending on the sale you catch. My 2 liter of apple juice 5 bucks!!! It's like they want us to rot our fucking teeth out our mouths. Picked up all my supliments as well, paid the bills bout to pay the rent, and tuck some of that shit away into a savings account for a new car.

The day feels right and I'm only half way through. A much needed wind back into my shredded sails. Hope your doing well as well!!!

The heartbreak that is February prt1

So recently I was told by one of my readers to just blog and not update individual posts. So you'll be seeing part 1's and 2's and 3's for my monthly posts. I was trying to keep it neat and organized by my friend brought up a really good point. Sometimes people won't know the monthly stuff has been up dated, so now, I'll change to this format. That friend is really really smart, about a lot of things, and well this is her month.

Fitting that she should walk into my house like a stalking panther with sharp claws disguised as laughter. We met about a year ago this time at a party and it's been a hilarious ride ever since. The lines between platonic and psychotic are constantly being blurred but what she does to me is oh so explainable. Just not suitable for you the viewing audience or me the reviewing tortured wreck of a mess that pours his feeling out from his chest. What she means to me, is everything I've hoped to see in a women, but what she will come to be is yet to be seen. She came through, a delicious smelling whirl wind, blazing brown and black, and taming my cat. We hung things, listened to music, and I showed her some of my current projects. She donated what time she could, heaps of sincerity, a few judging looks (it's not all my soda), and some fantastic items to delight some ravers with. She left and I was riddled with bullet holes but felt good for keeping most of my words to myself. Jot some of them down in my book and then finished preparing for the arrival of my family.

They come by in waves and at the height of a very low key Friday night I'm pleased to entertain. It's really nice having my own place again and I'm glad to have some quality friends to share it with. Some pictures were taken, a lot of dancing was done, stories were told, and plans for the weekend were laid out. When everyone leaves I'm left alone, well, I have my meow but no human contact. I reflect and feel blessed to have as many great people in my life as I do. Not to long ago I didn't feel this way, when I first moved back I felt deeply betrayed, but over these past few years I've learned things just change. If you really let them change, naturally, and don't fight the feeling; they usually change for the better.

So Saturday comes, I do my best to continue promotions for "Deeper" and My buddy Joe meets me at my house around 3:30ish. We head to Awesome Hq, also known as Randys house, and we buy way way waaaaaaaaaay to much fruit salad. Then the gang and I (rachel, randy, joe, and scott) get to chopping all that delicious fruit for the evenings party goers. 3big ass bowels being sold @ a dollar a cup, plus were doing this massive raffle, and selling glow sticks. The evening was shaping up to be a huge success towards raising our funds for the conference in October. Joe and I head out to the venue before everyone, we need to clear out some space for him, chat with the promoter (also named Joe), and help with anything that might need helping before the doors open.

We get there and my nerves are on full blast! You can tell Joe is getting real excited as well. Cloud9 Joe is all business ordering the troops to do what needs to be done. I'd like to take a little time to talk about Mr. Cloud9. Joe and I go way back, so far back that some of the memories I have of him are abstract as I'm sure some of his about me are blurry as well. He knows about everything between my X and I and he's been a pretty consistent force in our underground scene now for well over a decade. He finds ways to give back to the world through the rave scene and is all about giving the little guy a chance. I dig Joe a lot and next to Rick and Bob he's my favorite promoter in the scene. We've crossed paths a few times in life in some really weird ways and I'm enjoying all the work were doing at the moment together. With his help this year I'm pretty sure that my conference will be a great success and when I return to chicago I hope I can help his label and company be an even greater success.

....Side note...

My cat is freaking the fuck out right now...just doing laps swiping at everything in her path, meowing like a fiend...thought I'd share.

...end side note...

So we get all set up and take what needs to be taken. This is Joe's (painter) first ever rave :D, I love bringing new people into the scene. Especially people like Joe, he has so much talent, and creativity that kids are just going to freak out over. He takes to his thing, the floasis fam shows up and we take to ours. Before I know it the party is in full swing. I'm doing some announcements here and there and then heading downstairs to back up the man that needs no backing...Bit[c]rush (http://soundcloud.com/bitcrush). His set was only a 1/2 an hour but he dropped one of my favorite dubStep tracks so i was beaming for the next hour. One of our homeys from Detroit was in and he started dancing and slamming round, the night was bubbling nicely and we were only at like 10:30.

Back up stairs (there was an upstairs and a downstairs(a very chilly downstairs)) Joe is getting all sorts of attention and really enjoying his first every live painting session. The grin on his face was just priceless and yeah it's cheesy but that's what I do this shit for. He tells me at one point that he has no idea why he's been painting in his room all this time :D One painting goes to a friend of mine, the other to Mr. Cloud9 himself...well will be bringing it by sooner then later. The reason they didn't get raffled off was...

...Ya see...These parties...they are illegal :D i know right! shocking!!! Sometimes, they are legal, but the best ones, are always illegal. Just the fucking rush of knowing the cops could kick in the door at any moment is what makes them so memorable and what also makes them so hard to throw. Right at the height of the night, the fuzz comes, and tells everyone to get out. I saw that party dump out faster then a bukkake in fast forward.

We gather our things and everyone heads back to home base. No afters, no next party, just home, and we sit around eating fruit salad for many hours. Contention, funny stories, and good chunes selected by Tommy's MP3 player. I believe Patrick told us we'd all be shitting our brains out from all the fruit salad but whatevers. It got made, we lost the money, I'll be damned if we didn't try to at least eat our moneys worth.

This whole raising 10k thing isn't going to be as easy as I once thought. However, these new problems that keep arising only force me and my companions to come up with kraftier ways to generate the revenue. Early in the morning I climb into Joe's car and head back towards the burbs. We chat about this and that and he decides I get to be his agent...I love X. Here's to hoping I never let my good friend down and if you see him doing his thing, make sure to boost his confidence, and introduce him properly to our scene.

I make a few embarrassing early morning texts and pass the fuck out only to wake up some hours later dreading the super bowl. I was fortunate to pick up a shift at Jimmy's Grill and stumble in cracked out but in good spirits. There I flirt with some gorgeous, disingenuous Brazilian women, eat some delicious cupcakes, and make 11dollars :)

The month is off to a great start and I can only hope my money comes sooner then later. I'm still gearing up for Juggernaut on the 20th!!! Help us Help you...get on the text list and get others on. These dudes are slaving over this party and keep telling me all these crazy ass secrets they have lined up for you.

They say this month is for lovers and so far I love this month. It'll be hard to top January but man I'm up and open for the challenge. If your reading these, this, or anything on here do me a favor and subscribe. That way I know who I'm writing too and can include you along on my journey. PEACE and LOVE ya'll till next time!

Suicides For the Birds

What I'm about to write is really a lot of what I'm going to be talking about through out the party this weekend. Figure those of you that read will get a sneak preview and can comment if you like. Also a select few of you who read may not be able to come out because...well...whose fault is it really at this point friend? I'll take the blame and trug on with my click clacking so as to not get side tracked...like I so easily do when I talk about you ;)

Yes, SUICIDE, wiki says...

Suicide (Latin suicidium, from sui caedere, to kill oneself) is the intentional killing of one's self. The most common cause is an underlyingmental disorder which include depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism and drug abuse.^[1] Financial difficulties or other undesirable situations play a significant role.^[2]

I says...

Life is a precious precious gift...Most of us just lack the strength to properly up lift ourselves from the mess we get shoved into at an extremely early age.

It's fucking tuff!!! No joke, I empathize because I know first hand that LIFE FUCKS YOU THE FUCK UP!!!

What I've learned though, is those little "lessons" those darker moments that eat away at our mind, those help to bind with the truly glorious ones giving us STRENGTH, PURPOSE, CUNNING, AND A UNIQUE VOICE!

Its a beautiful, beautiful world, even when it's intense and painful. If you think your suffering, hop on the ole interwebz and gain some mother fucking perspective. Or, even more realistic, goto a major city and drive down Martin Luther King St/blvd/Drive. Yeah!!! it's like that...all up in your face.

Wiki also says...

Substance abuse is the second most common cause of suicide after mood disorders.^[12] Both chronic substance misuse as well as acute substance abuse is associated with an increased risk of suicide. This is attributed to the intoxicating and disinhibiting effects of many psychoactive substances; when combined with personal grief such as bereavement the risk of suicide is greatly increased.^[13] More than 50% of suicides are related to alcohol or drug use. Up to 25% of drug addicts and alcoholics commit suicide. In adolescents the figure is higher with alcohol or drug misuse playing a role in up to 70% of suicides. It has been recommended that all drug addicts or alcoholics are investigated for suicidal thoughts due to the high risk of suicide.^[14]

THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!

Drugs are great!!! Love em!!! Will keep saying that, have been saying that before I even knew how much I loved them but MODERATION!!! MODERATION!!!

If the party is still going on and it's Tuesday.........YOUR FAILING @ Life and might just become a suicide statistic sooner then you think. Notice how I gave you a couple days leeway :) Seriously, go out, party, RAGE, just understand that those substances your "ABUSING" take a tole on your cognitive processes. They erode the ability to discern from what's right and wrong and can even get you to put things in a very dark perspective.

Yes yes, the soap box I stand on is great but I got up on this bitch for a reason...

Last year, I lost just about everything (or so I thought(you can never have everything)). I was the most depressed I'd ever been and was a complete wreck. Eating was a chore for me, I turned away my best friend, and kept communication with my family to a minimum. The bottom just wouldn't stop fucking dropping out on me, relentless sorrow sank my heart into an abyss I care to never revisit. At the climax of all these karmic shenanigans I almost ended my wonderful life. SERIOUSLY!!! not some cry for help shit, no one would have known and maybe a few would have suspected it.

Thanks to an amazing women (Ms. Wilson) and one of the most amazing human beings to ever breath our air (Mr. Graham) I came through the heart break, the tragedy, and everything else an unstoppable force here to spread these good words.

LIFE!!!

LIVE IT LOVE IT and teach every person you see how to do the same.

I suggest a bevy of hobbies, new music, and positive people to keep you in good mental health. Also, my services are almost always available, and I mean that. Kick it with me, tell me how bad you have it, and I'll just sit and listen. It's what I do...FO FREE...I mean, FO FREE...Till i get my PHD!!!

We get one, as far as I know, sure we can speculate on a great rebirth or what have you. As far as I know, this consciousness I'm a part of right now will be the only one I get.

MAKE THE MOST OUT OF IT AND DON'T LET IT MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF YOU!

@ Deeper this weekend will be raising money to support...

http://www.twloha.com/

Come out, dance, be merry, and help raise awareness about the dark side of life.

YOUR FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!! NEVER EVER FORGET THAT!!!