Friday, September 28, 2012


went from a mama's boy
pride & joy
to that one mama warned you about
silver split mouth
to that one everyone says doesn't exist
mama even insists
but still my stinging kiss licks long hard & fast
like a personal laugh track
inside jokes & a heavenly host
of ghosts
that sip tea with me
& come to agree
that the centuries
are comedies
4 the stars to let unfold
Mama told
Mama hold
me from being anything other then you raised me to be
I forget the mistakes
I forget the regrets
as soon as I make one of them blush
single solo
even if self made so
you've made a myth of a mighty metaphor
whose adored by many marvelous minds from shore to shore
so sure...
You protected me the best you could
so others should come bow to you first
ladies love me, leave me
But I forever hold hearts like bounced checks @ a walmart
Mama I love you
Thanks for the fresh start

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Team TomAhawk

Tmy and I messing with a green screen


part 2

There are many things I will miss as I depart from Chicago.  Very few stack up to slinging shapes and sharing space with this one of a kind friend.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Had myself an absolute Riot day2

I didn't get much sleep, the warehouse never sleeps, and there were to many Annie's for anyone to really know what was going on.  Top it off with an extremely drunk, confused, and stranded soul...yeah...not much sleep for me.  Glad to have kept my head on a swivel, helped everyone through, and got enough shut eye to explode into DAY TWO!

BooooSh!  The tomAhawk edition...

...Due to random women sleeping in my bed (without me) and no phone, TMY found himself at the fair grounds with out me, had to double back, scoop me up, and then get costumed.  I catch him up with the insanity and thank him profusely for being the truth.  We gather ingredients at a CVS, 3 cans of ready whip, a stack of paper plates, and one caffeinated beverage.  On ward to the fair grounds and into what would be a hilarious day.

Back at the front gate as people are let in and this time much more ready to reek havoc.  We are wrapped up in our talents and flash them to those that need it most.  Definitely get a lot of great looks, take some pictures, and set the tone for every ones experience.  The best part about day2, is all the performers were more in tune with one another, and came up with really interesting ways to interact as a group.  Once the surge is over, we all head back to the tent, and i change into something simpler.

First I give out two freeB's to two amazing friends, because, I feel that living with me can be an intense experience and ya know...I'm a sport because ya'll are champs...Plus...WHO DOESN'T WANT TO PIE SOMEONE IN THE FACE?!?!??!!

My mime and I take to the fair grounds.  Soon enough I look like this...

...People really like it and soon I realize I'm gona need a lot more whip cream.  Before that though, I need to apply a lot of face paint, eye make up, and make myself look as ridiculous at possible.  Just a clown and a mime strolling through Aldi.  Purchasing way to many cans of whip cream, creep out little kids, and getting ALL the ladies.  The woman at the cash registers face was PRICELESS!!!

We make it back to the festival in time to clown around a bit before gathering with the entire gang to tromp around in a parade let by Chicago's one and only Environmental Encroachment.  Stilters, bunnies, clowns, barkers, object manipulators, and a slue of other freaks.  We pass through the crowds and are consumed by an onslaught of peoples technological devices in our faces.  It's nice to be loved but whoa WHOA! back it up a step chotch.

After the parade, Dinner, and the revealing of a #4!  Have you ever taken a number 4?  Know someone that has?  It's perfect dinner conversation but it becomes interrupted by the Trio.  Senses on fire, all I can do is sing, wait for TMY, and of course more singing.  He has to use the port-O-potty and I tell him I'll wait right here.  Which really means, I'm going to watch you walk into it and then when you are inside hurl my body at the stall like a cannonball.  Then runaway and watch you come out in a drunken confused state.  Soon enough though...
I'm crying to this!!! (never heard this live before!)
I've been listening to Alkaline Trio for yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsss and have seen my fair share of shows.  I'm not cool enough to know what their shows were like at the fireside bowl but to me it was the greatest set I'd ever heard by them.  My throat couldn't take anymore and still I screamed as if I was on stage with them.  Hugged innocent bystanders and made them sing with me.

Soon after the trio is done, we are re-grouping and I can tell my mime in crime is in need of a nap.  So he passes out, along with many other people through out our tented area, and I take to my pie in the face mission all on my own some.  I've never had a more delicious job in my entire and I don't know if I've ever seen such a direct pay off ever.  People would just light up, laugh, and really let loose as soon as they knew there was no catch.  Just whip cream, a stupid clown, and what ever force they could muster into my face.  One highlight in particular was a group that put me up against a tree and smashed three pies on me at the same time in different directions.

As the last can of whip cream came to a fizzle I felt something so profound and complete.  Iggy pop was wiggling around on stage and all I could smell was dairy.  Tmy was no where to be found, so I decided to say good-bye to what was one of the greatest weekends of my life, and get home before anyone else.  I wanted dibs on the shower and I wanted to finally get some sleep.  All n all...WoW...a look into the future and just an amazing experience.  I feel so blessed to have opportunities like this and can't wait to see how else I can help my circus mom & dad out further 0:D

Let It Burn

Not in that Usher way

I'm gona click this till I can't click no more, tatt tatt tatt, and then I hope to sleep the deepest best sleep of my life.  The soot still covers my face, my scream probably echoing somewhere across the dreary city scape, and all I can smell is ash.  For so long, I've carried around all these memories, I get new ones, link them with the old, and continue to carry around this boulder.  Before shoving off I really want to be light, so light, like feathers after a pillow fight.

All of it
I do mean all of it
Year books, notes from friends, X-flames, Lovers, enemies, all those letters from basic training, pictures, yearbooks, that fucking shirt everyone loves and I've had to learn to loath, the worst hat I was ever given, a back pack, poetry, essays, pornographic animes, rave fliers, knick nacks, possibly a paddy wack, and this dog will no longer need a bone.  It danced, flames licking the mist on the branches just feet out of reach, and we laughed.  The night and I.  Never have we been like this and the whole time she's like "What have you been waiting for?"  My only response is I don't know but I'm getting more excited by the second and can't wait to be on my way.

I stirred the ashes a bunch, flipped over pages that clumped together, and at one point took a piss on parts that were getting out of control.  How many people can say they pissed on their past?  All the while, glorious box cars trotted past, applauding my wild antics, and screeched "see you soon".  I took in my surroundings, thanked the night sky, humbled myself to the forces around me and even questioned those nefarious night crawlers that stayed out of sight. 

At the top of the flames I placed a hand written note that read:
"I release you!  I thank you for whom you've made me into and appreciate you letting me go to become all I've ever hoped"
The flames absorbed my intentions within a couple of seconds and I was left with nothing more then a slight grin.  This grin would continue on for the next while as the bitter memories of what was rolled around and fell into the other.  I stirred the ashes, taunted scraps that tried to roam free and did my freedom jig on all that use to bother me.

Not sure if it will work...
...but hey...for starters, I got my bed back :P

If the past won't let you be and you've tried everything...PLEASE BURN SHIT!  LET IT GO! And see what grows

Night friends

Had myself an absolute RIOT! day1

So, though, WHhhhooooa, slow....motion

I try to type all this in as fast as I can mention, the facts...

a)Holy yikes, top 25 days of my life, and that's saying something
b)what's up with the name annie
c)still another day to go

So I got to walk about the fest before it opened and got to bounce around in a real life wrestling ring.  Hung on the ropes and even photo opped on the top rope.  After that, snuck some breakfast, and helped all those arriving with whatever they needed.  It wasn't to long before the roving gang of circus freaks marched towards the front gates.  They waited to come in, we taunted them, dominance was established, and once we had the upper hand security let them come into the grounds.  I was dressed, a hectic mess, with a large mega phone, and get this...Paid to just shout at people!  Dreams my friends do come true and this is only the first hour of the day.

From there, I'm courting around a lovely blonde burlesque performer, and two amazing object manipulators.  We spread some cheer through the sunshine and the masses pour in.  The festival grounds have a variety of classic rides, eateries, already made mention of the sweet ass wrestling rink, and four giant sounds of stage.  The grass is green on all sides and it's refreshing to be at this type of festival.  A change of pace from the electronic music festivals I so often find myself frequenting and all within walking distance of my residence.

 Woot! Frank Turner absolutely tore that place up, played so many of my favorite joints, and was a real great show men.  I scooted around back stage after him and the band were through.  After talking with the drummer I was brought around to where the tour bus was parked.  I talked with frank for a few moments, said my piece about the song "Redemption" and was rewarded with some scribblings in my moleskin to mark the occasion.  From there, more busking, barking, and light hearted chats with my new friend from the  "D".  Turns out, she's  heading back there around the same time I'm looking to shove off from the silky shores of Chicago, and has a spot for me to crash.  With her help I'm up to three possible spots and think Detroit will be first on my american tour.  All to soon, her and I are parting ways...not before...

...She starts to teach me an extremely thought provoking Buddhist prayer.  I can't recall it at the moment but best believe I'm getting it in writing tomorrow.  Because as soon as we part ways I smack into Brian Fallon from the Gaslight Anthem...O.o...Words, blubbering, and another autograph.

Then I stand as close as I can get to watch them do their thing.  Didn't hear the song I love the most but who mama, did I get an ear full of amazing, and even belted out a few songs with some strangers.  As they walked off stage, I rushed over to the our tent, and made it just in time for the parade to shove off.  I get to be a resourceful ground crew member and end up doing a parade drive by on Coheed and Cambria. Get people off stilts, get squirt to car, and soak up more amazing music.  Snap photos and look forward to sharing some of the more private memories with those I know will love them most.

All to soon, the sun is gone, and now...FIYYYYYAAAA!

I got to work with a great team of fire spinners, people at this type of festival aren't use to seeing these sorts of things and the looks are priceless.  One by one they take turns, juggling flames, and smiling through the flickering blackness.  A couple close calls but what's wonder with out a little danger.  At some point, this old friend of mine who I gifted my old ticket to has "found me" and is all smiles.  I am too because this is good-bye...I love showing it the way it taking...and no one being any the wiser of universal intentions.

Grand Finale!  RISE AGAINST! Chicago's very own and closing out the fest for day one.  Earlier in the day this young man who was a security guard gave over his pen twice to me.  So I over heard him ranting about how he missed his opportunity to get the lead singers autograph and my intuition spikes high.  I steal his pen one last time and rush through the mob of people.
"This young man stuck at the gate doing security has waited all day to grab your autograph and missed his chance..." I hand over my moleskin and some quick scribbles are thrown over the pages.  I don't usually tear pages out of my moleskins but these days have been about exceptions.  I rush back, return the pen and rip off a piece of paper that makes this young man soar something sincere.  A thanks follows and soon after Humbolt park erupts into an obscene fury.  I escort miss Quinn, teach her how to properly use that bracelet of hers and in true fashion I'm forgotten about.  She squirms her way up to the front of people on the side of the stage as my top hat and I excluded from the show.  I don't mind though, I enjoy it all from multiple angles, and definitely appreciate the last song.

I remember riding a womens bike a little over a year ago, blasting that song, every morning on my way to the worst job I've ever known, and singing loud.  Not nearly as loud as the 30,000 fans that piled in to Humbolt park for this first amazing day of RiotFest.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

It's the final countdown


This is it!

I have the date for the ceremony, have begun purging all my belongings, saying good-bye to people, and preparing for what comes next.  I've been given a variety of advice the past few months and part of me wishes I was more prepared to take in some of that advice.  The other part of me (the part pushing for this madness in the first place) is happy to stroll out with what I can fit in my back back and gladly not look back.

I know now I'll be spending the fall up in the Midwest, bouncing around with various dancers I admire, and planting seeds in some of my more favorite cities.  I'm really looking forward to teaching more, learning a ton, and experiencing the fall in Minneapolis.  Who knows, maybe even get to check out the P.o.S CD release show...BooM!  Very much excited to see what it's like to street perform in a variety of cities and maybe bring some artist who have never tried it before out with me.  Most of all, I'm really excited to start writing my book, and really get this large tale off my chest.  Feels like this four years still lays extremely heavy with me and I'm hoping to find a lot of peace as I type through these memories.

Sometime in November I will head down to Tampa to spend time with my father for his 50th b-day.  Also see some amazing friends and share in some holiday spirit with those I love most.  Shortly after my fathers birthday though, I'm starting my journey towards what will be, and hope to ring in the New Year with an amazing friend.  All the while, walking, talking to myself, singing, star gazing, and taking in whatever experiences unfold before my feet.  I get so excited as I think about it all, I've waited forever to step out onto an adventure like this, and feel extremely grateful to have all the skills I do.  I can pretty much crash land in any city and be able to earn begging NEEDED!!! 

Oh the faces!  Oh the places!  OH THE GLORIOUS OASIS'S  :D

I have no idea where I'm going and for once in my life...that is fine.