Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I have nothing else to say...If your going to spring fever, please do your self a favor, goto this magical place. I've tried to sit and type explinations for the world to understand the glory that it is. I'm at a loss, RUN, don't walk to the earth realm, and find the extra glimmers I hid where the ravers did K. OHHHHHHHH JOYOUS TIMES @ the Quest!!! How I'll miss you so :(

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Call it in the air

Won't you come knock me over
I'm moving slower
and she's armed with a leaf blower
It's like the most you can ever give and be
met with hard steel and teeth
Seeing me for me
Welded into who I'll never see
Friends........We've all got em
They sometimes take shots at our options
Point out problems and break promises
Sometimes they shoot about funny nonsense
to obstruct our conscious with clever threats
They give us exactly what we need
what we've been missing fresh air to breath
The urge, the will, the power, the speed,
To do anyTHing
I mean anything we dream!!!
It's a two sided coin, come to think of it it's all about the toss
been coming up crissed and crossed
and almost longed forgot
what it meant to be in the presence of something genuine
A fine specimen
of the closest type of friend
from end till the next end
a companion
to help me move on and mend
the stories that won't be forgotten

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

April is all about ME...

Yikes yo whoa!

Over hauled the overload!

So I took that momentum and pushed as hard as I could to that unmovable wall. Getting a feeling like that mono log between, Batman & the Joker, but primetime and I'm not dangling 70 stories up by some sort of reinforced cable.

So far April has been stellar...

Picnics!!! It's been soooooo, way to long, since I've gotten to go out and really enjoy some nice weather with good company. Conversation flowing about like the breeze that settles in between our most PG afternoon delight. I feel this bond growing and with that comes panic. Been exhaling a lot lately, been writing more then ever before, and the tension still rests pretty hard on my shoulders. She definitely helps re leave that but replaces it with some intoxicating form of frenzy I'm delighted to let dissect my insides. Tom Petty keeps singing to me, heart is getting a bit harder as apprehension becomes a regular appetizer. Meh! Great friends, amazing times, and laughter that has me cutting back on my crunches :)

Been working back at the ole Jimmy's Grill. I really love my job, truly, and completely. My managers all look out for me, my co-workers are hilarious, and it's truly a safe haven for me. I'm allowed to go into work and be myself. I get paid to do it actually and it helps me sharpen a lot of my skills I plan to continually use through out my life. The best are the tables of kids that come in....I get to mime for them, high fives with em, and this genuinely increases my tip percentage on each bill. It's important to note that it's not why I do what I do but a hilarious bonus. The weather has been touch and go, with cold wins keeping people of our spacious patio. The new blood is looking bleak for the most part. A few peoples that will help the overall effort at the grill but for the most part...YIKES!!! The bosses are right in stride and overall it seems like this is going to be a really great year there. I'm working out the kinks in my schedule so I don't cause to many problems and genuinely feel like I'm not going to be as helpful as years past. I have to really focus on the conference and making sure to take time for myself as well. Over working this machine with all the things I'm trying to accomplish is a recipe for failure FOR SURE...luckily Diana is a wondrous boss willing to work with you where she can.

So I've hit a huge wall in more then a few avenues in my life....


I'm losing way more money then I'm making by doing the booths out at parties. This wouldn't be a terrible thing, except I need to raise money by October, and when I do these booths it takes away from the few free nights I have to rage. So I've come up with a new plan...and it goes...
...If peoples want me to come through and set up the floasis booth, that includes tasty treats for the party, games, and live art I'll be needing 50bucks up front. Then if people want me to drive around, walk around, and promote for their party I'll need another 50 bucks up front. I don't know that anyone will really be willing to pay for either of those services. Seems like the rave scene in Chicago is very much dog eat dog, everyone out for themselves, and an overall lack of Unity. Maybe I'm wrong...but these are the conclusions I've come to over the past 6 months of doing what I'm doing. I came to the conclusion, I can just pick up an extra shift at work and put all that money made towards the conference. NO RISK...ALL REWARD!!!

Then there is her...
...She's the first one in years to get this close to me. Stirs me up in so many amazing and crazy ways. I'm driving miles upon miles, just to pick her up and drive more miles. It's worth it, her smile, and relief (on most meetings) lets me know that I'm some sort of amazing in her life. Were working on this thing called friendship, except, a lot of times I'm left feeling like I'm the only one working at it. Learning to avoid the land mines and put my feeling to the side. I knew the situation before I inserted myself into it but ya know till you get in the thick of it you never really know. So we take lunches when I can swing them. I put her on my lists, take frisbee's to the throat, and a million memories are mashed into an amazing spray of laughter. We hit speed bumps but ultimately I know I've found an amazing friend. Were moving by the ticking of her watch and I really don't have a say in the matter. Leaning on emotions at this point will cause the greatest treasure I've ever found to capsize. So my pride is put on time out and I do my best to speak little during the tense situations. This past month and actually the one before it has been extremely eye opening for me. Really getting an up close look at how I function with someone I have romantic feelings for. All good things in the end either way and I sure am glad when I hear her say..."Hi" but like she does it in this hilarious way...I can't explain it but man!!! sure does make my ears warm.

This month is all about me because it's my born month. Actually as I write this I'm less then a week out from becoming 28. MAN!!! HAHAhHAHAHAhahahaHA Seems like yesterday I was in the thick of turning 26, re adjusting to life post military, and trying so hard to make old friendships work. Now, two years later, a lot of change has taken place in my life and I can't help but think for the better. I feel pretty damn free these days. I create constantly, have an amazing grip of friends, continually working on improving things with my family, an active love interest, a unifying artistic goal, and a genuine smile stitched to my grill through out the day.

I have a pretty nice blow out planned for my birthday. Some great people to share it with and all the time in the world to properly recover from it. Someone recently was telling me I need to take a vacation before the summer starts. I agreed but didn't really know how I could do that. So now the plan is...
Have friends and family over to the lab on Saturday, eat tasty eats, then those that want to come big meet up at Resonate in the city and we DANCE!!! Then I party hard, purposefully, and till check in times at hotels. Grab myself a room somewhere affordable but with a pool and a hot tub. SUNDAY STRAIGHT CHILLEN!!! Then monday, wake up and enjoy my most favorite city, maybe take her out to lunch, but at night were going to Wrigley. Scored 4 tickets to a night game at wrigley on my bday :D Wish my paw was closer but I think I'm going to make a sign and try to say "HI" to him.

As I stated...these posts are a lot shorter, just notes, highlights, and things to remember.

They call it the season of "love" or so I've recently discovered by asking peoples. I call it the season of anticipation, sort of funny, recently it was brought to my attention that I don't like anticipation. :D I don't know if that really sounds like me...Whose got their UGS ticket!!! Hope ya'll are having a safe and fun Spring...High Fives and Hugs...Your beautiful.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

I can play them too...

We all play them,
Tic Tac Toe
4 Square...
...her and I though, Locked in a whole other lovely game
Wrecked like Mr. Petty once warranted a feeling for the tender confusion of heart palpitations
3 hours well rested
and now poised to be my most impressive
These lessons
lie...I mean lye littered leaving no room for second guessing
She's not even here yet but close................
....Then again, hardly ever far at all
Essential like the suburbs and shopping malls
Will eat the way she likes
Sing the things that make her eyes burst to life
But if we'll be quick, sharp, a cutting knife
slicing away the last remains of my choking spite... ..... OH LIFE!!!
I love what you do for me

Friday, April 2, 2010

In March I Find a Million Dollars prt4




I've been so pleasantly busy, bordering on pissy and haven't had the time to sit and click these keys. So I'll put what I can in print but it's been brought to my attention that I share much to much about the daily. So I'll attempt to keep it factual and actual with out gushing to much about her ;)

Last week was dope, the tight rope is one that I walk proudly, and believe I'm getting better at it with every passing season.

I started back in a big way @ Jimmy's Grill...
The open mic was better then it had been since Christmas break. I made some good money on the shifts I worked and started cleaning off the rust from this long winter. School was good and I started getting an idea of my final two projects in my editing class. I'm going to link those with what I'm going to be doing in October for the Liquid Conference. So that's all looking like a heap of win and it helps me stick out my chin.

I get this crazy idea through the middle of my week, not sure if it makes me weak, but I follow it through and begin carrying ivory in my back seat. I also gather up the proper chords to make those keys sing and talk to her PC. Not sure how I'll give it but I'm determined to let her know how spectacular she helps my world look.

I gather supplies for "Take2" and head out to the party. I get there "to early" and set up my shit, then Dan hops into my ride to journey out for Pizza. We begin to discuss the finer points about life...Friendship, parties, girls, and the continuing struggle to properly define that masterpiece that is us. I dig Dan, he's a super helpful cat, and from what I gather chill as all get out. Our journey for pizza takes a bit longer then I'd hoped and we end up speeding back to the party. I give parting advice here and there. I try to thank him for all the help this evening, last weekend, and I'm sure he'll continue to do. High fives and we take to our functions at the party.

Walked into that place feeling something a decade or so ago I use to claim to know...WHOA!!!
I've been helping Jake and Bart out these past few months. I really wanted to see there party succeed so I made sure to really bring out all the stops. Hooked it up with there headliners, had my buddies lug out this massive puzzle piece wall for photo's, and I bake a ton of brownies...let's not forget the delicious little ceaser pizza's. I asked peoples on Facebook before the party what they wanted, brownies & pizza came screaming from the masses. Both of those tasty treats went real fast and all I kept getting asked was...

"Dude.......are there weed in these brownies."

Then after I'd say no it was this washed out look of disgust, like free brownies aren't enough, but if they had pot in them it would have been ALLLLL good. All other acts up until my friend did a good job and carried the party well. I'm sort of biased so when bit[c]rush and dotty I was PUMPED. We sing Bart happy birthday and then RICK ROLL the entire party...aahhhhh hahahha hilarious! priceless! and glad to be a part of that.

Some creative difference during the 1 1/2 set but pushing on is what I'm on. Still though I'm a bit shaken but feel I rebounded nicely. Little singing, lots of rapping, and the good majority just toasting and getting people involved in the party. I'm not allowing myself to bring weed or any smoking devices to parties anymore. So I have a mic and decide to try something out...

"Yo! I can't bring herb into parties anymore because I always seem to end up in cuffs because of it. So I'd seriously murder something for a smoke."

Within seconds, I have 2 pipes being passed to me, and then within minutes more follow. I didn't even really want to get that high but I take a puff here and there. It's an amazing place to be a part of, the giving, the music, and the beautiful congregation of strangers under a unified cause. After my dudes set is done I set out about the party to properly promote the next two parties I'm helping with. Meet some new peeps and most importantly get down with the get ups.

There was this amazing moment where the bass went out on the sound. I was asked to say somethings on the mic to keep peoples from getting to pissy. I talk with peoples, crack some jokes, and then I decide to try a little psychological experiment. I ask everyone to get real quite and focus all their positive energy on the music coming back on with full strength..........
......A hush washes over the rave, some minor chatting here and there but it seems like everyone is really focusing. Nothing sounds as if it's going to happen, so I put the mic down and go to lean into Clark Kent. As soon as I set the mic down...BOOOOOM!!! Yep, magic!!!

The tunes stay on for a little longer and then the fuzz shows up. Things get intense and they threaten to search all 200 peoples there. Dealers are dumping what they have and I'm sitting there with a shit eating grin like..."YESSSSSSSSS...look mom, no Cuffs!" Were made to wait a long while so I seize the opportunity to promote my fargin ass off. Hand to hand flyers, to some very confused teens, being fucked up around authority isn't fun for some.

The rest of the night is a whole lot of driving for me, getting lost, then found, then lost again (I ended up in Indiana TWICE!), then at the Hostel to get insulted a bit, but mostly just kick it with Tommy. That guy sure knows how to cheer a friend up.

I go to sleep for a few hours and wake up with enough time to freshen up and do the most romantic thing I can possibly think of. It feels like things with my friend are getting more and more confusing. So I extend my neck on the chopping block and then head out to the liquid workshop. I manage things there and I'm extremely happy with the turn out. Hgitch shows up out of no where and blesses the entire workshop with his positivity. Scott and Kai break up the class into groups of two and it's an amazing view. I scribble words on paper and analyse all the stress currently eating away at my insides. Between a smashing of my pride the night previously, to the general run of the mill paranoia I carry around with me, and then all this new nice great amazing I've been cuddling up next to my head and heart are in a million places. This makes for some great writings and eventually eases my gut.

I get back to HQ and give her a call...

...I can hear a sweet choking sound on the other side. Like those good intentions did more then I could have ever known. People, seems as a whole, as life goes we lose the things we love most sometimes and I greatly enjoy plugging people back into those things. I can hear the sound of ivory dancing in the back ground and I feel like a skyscraper that has just been completed...

A grip of us mow down on some delicious eats and then head out to Cafe Lura for an open bar and more eats. Lot's of good drum&bass, Scott is just killing it, smashing pretty much the entire time, Tommy and I just sit back with that slack jawed look were so accustom to having when he dances...
Endless creativity...Yes
He's a great dancer and I continually learn a lot from his motions, plus he has an amazing way to break down his dance and package it for the outside observer. It's going to be amazing to see what he does come October :D

With a few hours in the bag @ lura, our homey Vlad comes and scoops up Scott and Randy. They head out to freakeasy and I call up my friend to see what she's up to. Still getting ready and by the sounds of it she's extremely excited to blow off a lot of steam. I get to the freak, somehow beat Vlads caravan, and I find a nice little spot in the corner to take a nap. I really didn't get much sleep the night before, nerves, and the anticipation of the impending day.......actually, haven't really been getting much sleep lately. Things are picking up speed greatly in my life. Back working at the grill, school, liquid conference, world domination, street performing, vending at parties, and HER :D. It's nice to have a plump life and it really makes the down time I do get all the more enjoyable.

I don't get much sleep and decide to find my friends. They are making their presence known real well at the party. Scott with his dancings, Vlad with his birthday cheer, and Randy.....Ahhahaha He's in extra chill mode this evening. Scoping the scene, observing, looks like pondering his own plans for world domination, but the three of them are a site to roll up on. We socialize, make some new acquaintances, and get heavily distracted by this man playing the violin. SICKNESS!!! like sooooo good, with a little fire show next to him (burners! :P), and I'm really glad I paid my twenty bucks.

Some hours go by, I'm starting to get really tired, and I think to myself it's o.k. to call it a night now. THEN!!! Radio Hero comes on and the entire mood of the party changes. If that wasn't enough I start to get some conformations that my very lovely friend will be enhancing the view at this party shortly. I take to getting all types of excited and even begin to do some dancings myself.

Substances are purchased, the music stays consistently good through out the night, and I watch her smile slip side to side behind this flame. WHOa! I'm not a Kodak guy by any means, but I'm glad I snapped one off there. My friends all dip out sort of late and miss what I understand to be the best part of going to freakeasy. From about the hours of 5 till 9 the place becomes a bit more thinned out. So more room to breath, be yourself, meet interesting peoples, and OHHH the skyline transform in a most pleasurable way. I know that I'm a raver at heart, there is more rebellion there, but the Chicago Burner scene is amazing. So many kind people, unique people, and just an overall openness that I sometimes don't find in my scene. I'd like to think I steal ideas from the parties I goto that they do and then bring them back to my little underground world. Rebuilding what I use to know in a better way then before...properly giving people a bridge to continually enjoy electronic music, no matter the age.

Danelle arrives from a party her hubby and her threw. I only mention her because of...
...Well you see, at freakeasy they have started this new ritual. They do a pillow fight at like 6 in the morning, my highlights from this fight...
Damian duel wielding pillows, if you don't know this guy is a giant, a big gothic giant, a gentle giant, but with those pillows it was FUCKING ON!!!
I got some good shots on some folks, def, took a few to the dome...but I brought in my own pillow...a special pillow, None of that freakeasy regulation shit.
THEN...she comes down the stairs of where we were chilling before the "madness" broke out. She has this lingering look of anticipation and I quickly offer up my pillow. She takes it and takes to thwacking random party goers. It was a site, because she just always comes off as this super sweet person to me and this was her being really aggressive (ya know for a pillow fight) and I was pretty much dumb founded from that point on...
...Till she smacked me upside my head.
So yeah Danelle...

We officially over stay our welcome somewhere round 9. Pass out time is at hand and washes over my exhausted body quickly. Comforted by white...purity...the fluffy soft fill of that blanket definitely takes my mind way up there near clouds, or in one?

Wake, rise, socialize, and then stuff faces @ the Pick me Up......Please go, you can thank me after you get the french toast...if you get it vegan make sure to ask for powder sugar. There is this theory circulating that vegans don't like powder sugar, can't say yes for sure, but would love feedback.

Were suppose to be picking up some medicinal plants but not until later. An accidental pass out happens but this means that I get to watch her morning routine before work...well at least for a little bit, those damn meters, sure do know how to take someone away from something extremely enjoyable. I hop to my car and swiftly navigate my ways to HQ.

Mr. Distortion is getting off work so I grab him after getting some breakfast and personal reflection time (thats sometimes what I like to call writing). We decide to head out to Logan Square and shoot some footage because it's a lovely day. I'm riding on the wings of contention and I feel bursting with creativity. I have this new idea for a video I'm working on and I shoot the first clip of what I'm sure is going to be a long series using this amazing song I want to dedicate to all my friends. Then, after dropping Distortion off I cruise back to the "Lab", and just chill for a while.

I've been going at full steam since January...Don't know or if you've kept up ;) (it's a lot to read I know, but these notes are mostly for me). In my life before January I usually go at a pretty fast pace but this year is all about that Conference and I'm going to make sure I really gave my everything to make it a success.

So her and I chit chat internetally....actually...her and I chit chat in so many different ways. It's amazing, so much depth, substance, and then again...just silly things. Weird things, thoughts, jokes, seems infinite and thats what I dig about it most. However this conversation got a little darker and then jumped to something so interesting I was stuck thinking about it all night at work.
"Take a chance"
They can be taken so many ways...
...So we never got those plants the night before. I end up coming across some and right after work I run round on my "mission". I decided that the "chance" i was suppose to be taking needed to be taken, hahaha, but I think I lost my nerve, was also receiving weird signals, making tiny elevators even smaller, and just fucking it up in so many ways. We end up at lura...D&B on a monday is new to me but it's enjoyable. I try to pick up a mic but instantly feel my body temp rise, she has that effect

@ Lura...
Talks of existence
The meaning of life
My lack of smoothness
...I think were deep people, or possibly deep thinking people. She challenges my beliefs in a really amazing way. Questioning and re questioning questions I thought I'd long put to rest. That in it's self makes her an amazingly note able women.

I bring her back to her place, we smoke those plants, and I muster up the urge to share what I think is an amazing piece of poetry. Inspired by her...She's not the best at saying things after I break off a piece of my mind, wrap it in metaphors and sentiments. However, I'm starting to understand her facial features, and I believe her eyebrows gave me a standing ovation. Good-byes are said and the least decisive out of this duo ends up taking a chance. Because of it my ears are nice and toasty for the first half of my drive home...
...If you can't tell...
The weekend has long past...
Were on Monday night!!! (tuesday morning actually)
But there are only a few more days in march and I'm making great progress, not really slowing up or getting stuck, sooooo...we push oN!
Tuesday I already know is going to be a motherfucker...It has motherfucker written all over it...LIKE MOTHERFUCKER...THIS TUESDAY IS GOING TO FUCK YOU UP...and it does, but...

Double @ Jimmys...due to the great weather and our short staffededness I get the patio to myself for like 5 hours and it's a great 5 hours. I get to work with Dan theCannon and its a great high fiving time through out. I make some loot and learn that she'll be coming out for my open mic tonight. I'm really pumped because we have some confirmations for a few talented artists.

So I get cut real early from the dinner and freshen up before my company arrives. We have a nice relaxing, super affordable (THANKS MOM) dinner. I then set up for the open mic and do something that rarely ever gets done...I MEAN RARELY...I let her take a walk through my mind. I just hand her my old book of poetry, this book is from before I properly met alice, and I'm not that proud of it. I get everything set up but through out I'm glancing over wondering what she's wondering but she gives away nothing ;)

The open mic isn't what I'd say the least. I'm getting really exhausted by about 10 and by 11:30 I'm breaking that bitch down. I race home smoke some tree's with some amazing peeps and pass out because I have to be up @ 9 to do it all again :D

Work the next morning is just a beast...It's beautiful outside, insanely...prolly the best spring day thus far. I get stationed indoors because Mr. Distortion is back at the lab and were suppose to go street perform in the city once I get off work...Hustlin hustlin...we keep em coming back. This all doesn't happen, we get shelled at work, and I'm running food mostly and seating know monies but I did get to be a big help to my Jimmy's family. Were all grabbing money right now in a crazy way. Because soon will have a whole grip of new blood around us. We have the experience and know how to run these sections like pro's and on the days our bosses give us a chance we put on quite a show.

I get out of there with little to no money but it's so lovely and sunny I'm only half pist. Get back to the "LAB" super quick, shower, and do the twist...O flex for a bit ;) Break out into the city and once there I get busy with my chance to become dizzy. I'm invited over for some TV possibly movie and informed I can bring a "treat". I dig into the cluttered cobwebbing of my memories to decode what treat means. I stop off at the local 11to7...Grab a thing of Cheesecake Brownie and then 5 lottery tickets. It's the last day of march...

...Figure if I'm going to find a million dollars, I have to play the damn lottery at least once, and on my walk over to her place I start day dreaming.

The most amazing conference my friends and I could possibly conceive.
Some fantastic rec centers around the south side of Chicago
Security for my loved ones and myself
Way to many Little Ceasers pizza's

I get to her place and we share the contents of our days. I'm growing to like this more then anything else. Hearing about her day, sharing mine...I like how I can scrub off all the dirt from the day or re ignite all the amazing things that happened.

We watch this hilarious movie, there are some uncomfortable parallels that I see, and over all it's a great time. It's getting late and I've been overstaying my welcome lately. So, I decide to take leave, and head over to chill with Scott and Kevin...but before I go...

Explosions in the SKY
Dynamite eyes n mine
Pulse pumping overdrive
Flushed for my tiny elevator ride

I check my tickets at that convient store and with each scan comes great hope but also let down. I've never had a lot of money, actually these days, it's more money then I know what to do with. Balling out of control so to speak but my balling mentality is much lower. From lower class to middle is a huge step up...HUGE!

So yeah, I didn't win a Million dollars in march but I get this feeling like I found something so much more valuable. It pilots my senses in a million directions and has brought my levels of creativity to such amazing heights. Next month is my born month and I'm sliding into it head first loving the taste of the dirt. From the high fives, to the free pizzas, that crazy ass Disco, ninja'd piano drops, kicking it with the greatest group of folks ever, March has been an amazing month. Like i said last post...these will be getting shorter and done when I can do them.

Life calls, I just added more minutes to my plan, and I'm thinking about getting one of those blue tooth things...Nahhh I'm not a douche.

Peace peace friends...As always thanks.