Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy new Year!

I sit
in the comforts of a cozy prison cell
a little lit
listening to tunes on random
taking it all in...
Today I slang wings, tried to make dollars, but of course the whole thing is stacked against me. So I left with more money then I came in with and that these days is a sign of great success. I brush my pride to the side, and ride. On the way home I play some old favorites by "the Weakerthans" and watch a dazzling array of homemade firework shows litter the skyline. Florida is much more laxed on their firework laws then Illinois...they seem to be much more laxed on laws in general.

Anyways, I get home from an exhausting day of doing the damn thing, and find my dad attempting to slay dragons. It's almost like, the roles have switched, and I watch my son sink his sword into passer byers, toss fire, and I can't help but sit on my own tongue. I gather some grub, talk about the day, and soon I'm making my way down the block to some newish acquaintances I've made. The notion, get drunk, clang some drinks, do the counting thing, and re call the beauty that was 2010.

What a year!!!

I mean, the highest of highs and truly the lowest of lows
So much self respect and then on the same hand buckets of..."I could of done better"
I guess at the close of the year I find myself at a wash, not a loss, but ya know, the boss. This master narrative won't write it's self, so here i sit, clicking away, listening to great chunes, and doing what comes even more natural then dancing. Type TYPE click click!

Stolen cars!
Trips to museums!
Cuddle parties in sleeping bags!
Little Girls and Cheetahs!
Oh the dancings!
Brownie Cheesecake!
Trays of brownies!
Cops n Acid!
You can find me On THE GRILL!
Spinning something spun just for FUN!
Ninjas Vs Pirates 3yrs n counting!
Kinetic, free entries, back peddling making me with I had n attorney, Oz n his loose pours!
Cta n syncronicity!
Back to Bridges!

That is just off the top of my extremely scattered head. This past year, wow, so many friends, so many memories, so much madness, and I'm so happy I dove in head first!

However, as I sit, next to this roaring fire, taking it all in, these new people, some of which I might one day call friend, I'm reminded that I'm thousands of miles from where I'd like to be, and that feeling is crippling. Three horsemen!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! probably holding it down, hand swatts, hand slaps, passings of flows, all the things I love n know...and me...staring into buring embers hoping to catch a glimpse of it all. If I learned anything at the start of this year its that campfires aren't crystal balls.

So group of minors join us and the new gang of degenerates I'm hanging with quickly get them drunk. This guy, his name is Mike, he sort of looks like a down on his luck Santa, starts telling me about, "Center Block", he's wasted, been drunk since early evening, and I do my best to keep my opinions to myself. It's a funny think alcohol, it gives the tongue lithe like wings, and lets pride loose from it's sling. I scratch the dogs ass ass frequently...his name is Rocky and he loves attention. I slug back shots of rupplemints and avoid the Natty Ice....light...and know that everything will be more then alright.

SIDE NOTE: Yo! did you see Dick Van Dyke?!??!?! I feel so sad for that guy? Why was he on TV? The plastic surgery is just way to obscene and since the stroke, ya know, he's ummmm a little less then articulate. Just saying!!! n wtf?!?!?!? Backstreet boys w/ New kids on the Block??? Were they staging some sort of coo against Nysnc? Would Justin Timberlake re-unite? Is Chris Brown still beating women........My mind wanders on.

So uhhh, yeah!


...I'm terrified of you. However, I was terrified of your little brother too and got a lot done. SO! Tomorrow, comes a large bitch smack to the daily routine, and a hope to put all other resolutions to shame. It's really fucked up to me, last year, this time, I was on top of stacks of speakers with a microphone, three piece suit, vibing with 900 bodies, and this year staring at this screen. Can't say I'm sad, not really happy, but I am DRUNK!!! hahhahahahhaha

It's been a wild ride, no seatbelt, and I take the turns cackling like a true mad man!!! I dare you, to get chin checked at least once or twice this year. Make your self esteem do a few back flips and push yourself to some new limits. From what I'm told...
...We only got one more left in us...GASP!!! will you spend it.
All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way...
The puzzle has many pieces, I put em in place, when n where I can, and man so far the results have been amazing. Much LOVE to you and yours! 2010 was my year I hope 2011 is yours!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Me and my stupid wrist

What some of you may not know is why I moved away from the greatest city on earth. I did it in that ole Tommy Petty vein, ya know, running down a dream...that would never come to me. So, I've been here for almost 2 months now, and I've been working as much as I can. Stashing the monies I make, paying off some things I let go to the way side my last days up in the CHI, and overall slowly losing my mind.

Then, this past monday came along, and man!!! was I not ready for it. First I wake, shower, hop on my sweet sweet wheels, peddle to this bowling alley and get ready to take a liquor certification class. I bring banana's because Moses would approve and as I settle in my chair mayhem insues. It would seem my boss is once again not prepared, he doesn't have enough books for people, and since I'm the newest I hold least priority. I get booted out of the class, leave the nanners, and find myself peddling back home. O.k. no big deal and I spend the afternoon with my Step Sister watching "Slum Dog Millionare"...(It was WRITTEN)...


I say


This nerdy stuffy voice that belongs to a douche pond says

"Hi this is an attempt to collect a debt, fuck you in the ass, break your spirit, and possibly jar you from the path you are on...all in the HOPES that you will cry at night, curl up into a little ball, and sink into an inky black shroud of sorrow...alone...nevermore...mwwwuuuahahhaa"

The jist of the call is...

I owe 7,500 dollars to Uncle Sam and he'd like his money...NOW!

How this all started was...

...A few years ago, I transfered into the USAF Guard, from the USAF Active, and thought I was about to be a dad. So, they asked me if I'd like to enlist for two extra years and get a fat bonus. And I'm all like, HECK YES!!!, I need the job stability because I'm bringing a child into this world, and like Jax Sheppard once said "I LIKE MONEY". So I sign...CHOICE...and begin my time in the guard. To put it quickly, there was some nasty shit going down in that unit, illegal things, and then to boot...well...I don't wanna get into the details but lets just say...I wasn't the father. Sooooo, I make a sly move one day at drill...I tell them I'm unhappy and want out. Plus I inform them of all the illegal things they are doing and how I don't want to make a big deal about them. I'm scooted out the back door and I'm extremely happy.

About a year later I get a call from someone saying I needed to pay back my bonus (about 3,200 dollars). I'm near broke, about to lose my apartment, and really just stressed in general when it comes to life. So I tell this to the case worker, then also add the above about the unfit working conditions, and how I know people who haven't had to pay their bonuses back in the past. He says will look into this and get back to you. My life takes a dark turn, probably the darkest ever, and I lost track of all this.

Then I get the call this past monday, a lot more money has been added to it, and there is no options for me. I have to get on a payment plan immediately and this doucher on the phone starts raping me for information. I can feel it, that sinking feeling, and I start to wonder why I'm such an ass basket. I just spent the past two years digging my way out of 4k worth of debt. Did that, moved to my fathers to stash cash and not more then 2 months in I seem to have created an even larger moutain to climb.

I start to patronize my goverment assailent (no spell check on this puter sorry(yeah its that bad)). He then starts saying things really slow and I can feel my cell phone bill increasing. I cut him short, start to well up with a rage I haven't felt since my teenage days, and I'm always overwhelmed with hopelessness. That's about the time my father walks in with a "how's your day going" My face says it all and we chat about solutions...he mostly says, pay it and be done. At least look at the bright side, you have a roof over your head, food, something something...i start to drift off and watch all those little fairytales I'd been telling myself begin to vanish. I can't dwell to long because I have to go into

I peddle to the Bdubs, hop on the floor, and everyone in the restraunt can tell internally I'm a wreck. I think everyone everywhere can usually tell when I'm having a bad day. SORRY! on the sleeve is how I beez and that's my steez. We are so slow, the thing nagging me outside of the 7 grand debt that just fell out of the sky, is that I want to watch the Bears game with my dad, and instead am standing round making no money. I think, maybe an hour at the most goes by, and they send me home. I race back for the second time...

Home these days...

...So much warmth, there is some tip toeing that I've never before been use to but I adapt to all things with lighting like quickness. I get some pep talks, piss n moan my way to kickoff, and silently plot the destruction of Brett Farve. My step mother hands me some mail and there is a package from my great friend Izzy. Recently she has likend my life to a famous british comedian whose story is one of many adversities. All day I'd been thinking about how this was probably a good sign that I need to start thinking a bit more rational. Possibly cut my plan a year short and find that solid 9 to 5 grind. Then I open up the package and see it's that comedians life story via DVD..."Believe" the eddy izzard story. I connect with my friend via phone, tell her the news, thank her for the syncronatic blessing, and she instantly starts spit firing ideas on how to take down the man. She's a rebel, an activist, and a socialite...I love her, with all my might. The game is getting ready to start, her and Mr. Chicago must scream wildly at the flickering box and my family will do the same. So we click off and I head down to watch the pre game with my pops. WHAT A GAME!!! Records broken by the Windy City Flyer and Brett Farve gets intercepted and then soon after knocked the fuck out. From there the humiliation continues and the Bears clinch their division for the first time since that year the Colts got real lucky we still had a shitty offensive coordinator...SCREW YOU RON TURNER!!!

I go to bed, with a crooked grin, I don't like laughing at others misfortunes but it's cold inside my head. So I sleep, dreams to warm the soul, and re-route the path I'd plan to know. I wake up and there is an email from a near by pizza place I've been trying to get a job at...they want me to come in for an interview on Thursday. I look at the piece of paper I'm suppose to type to this blood sucking company and decide...fuck it...I'm going to seek out some knowledge. Possibly seek legal advice but eitherway...get the cheese eating nerf herder to call me back and ask why I haven't sent the email over yet.

Tuesday was a lot of good but a project i was working on collapsed on me towards the final stages. It was suppose to be a great present for an artist buddy of mine who helped me bring dreams to reality this past year. FAIL!!! for a lot of reasons but mostly because I'm clacking away on a Toshiba from six years back. The anger of monday is welling up in me again and I take action. NO! I don't punch things, I grab headphones, my camera, and I take to the streets. DANCE MANIA!!! hahhaha! I know, lame, but what the hell else am I suppose to do. I feel like I'm losing control over everything around me and I'm not a guy who needs a lot of control to feel comfortable. However, the beginning of this week has me wincing at the thought of sunrises, and hoping I can find myself on the better side of Christmas STAT!

I come in from my night time galavanting, watch some breaking bad, and pass out into my newly found lucid world. Community colleges, never ending hand rails, and re-occuring child hood homes...I wake up and shuffle around the house. I have things to do but I'm still feeling a little less then peppy. My little sister makes me lunch...ADORABLE!!!...she even made us smoothies :D and then after a few hours of me doing the things that needed to get done I get a call from the Bdubs.
"Do you want to pick up a shift tonight?"
They are in short supply these days and am I all like "Hell to the yesUh!"
Peddle peddle, "I will posses your heart", peddle and I'm slinging wings. A few table in and this women leaves me a 50 dollar tip on a 20 dollar bill.............................................................................

I know it's not going to be easy and yes once again my master plan will take some re-structuring, but the will is there and ya know what the WHY is there as well. So I just have to relax, breath, and allow the HOW to present its self to me in time.

....Maybe I should have but maybe I shouldn't of....Bought my tickets to ULTRA this year! :D I'm getting nothing for Christmas besides that...gota take care of yourself sometimes :D


Sunday, December 12, 2010

You've gota earn that smell...

Bears Vs Patriots
Kip Vs Nikki
Eagles Vs Cowboys

Conflicts, will call it the three games of the day, and what a day it was.

I wake, from what was minimal sleep, had to close the DUBS down the night before, and finally passed out round 4 or so. Then wake, rise, shine, bagel, and some raisin bran helps me feel fine. I shower, ask my pop's for a ride into work, since will be watching the Bears game after my shift and heading to the same place (it's a blustery day outside, Florida winds are serious(not Chicago serious but I do ride a girls bike)). He obliges after some minimal him hawing but ya know all in good fun to let his son know that a car should be purchased sooner rather then later.

I get into work and instantly begin going through the motions. Before I know it I'm getting off and getting ready for kickoff. I've been amped for this game all week and even started feeling the jitters sometime around Friday. We have a gang of regulars that come into buffalo wild wings to watch the Bears and we all take our seats. White collar, from all around the U.S. and sharing a common love for the greatest football team in the NFL. Orange n Blue sucking down over processed chicken, beer, and whatever else our servers have to offer. The first two drives are something to give the heart race but after two botched third n longs by the Bears defense...well...lets say, they look like the weather, and inside I feel like the turf. My father checks out at the half and I'm there with my uncle and two other loyal fans. It's rare you see me walk away from a game (That Seattle game I left @ the 2min many red zone interception...HE JUST DOESN'T LEARN!!!).

Part way through 1/2 time one of the loyal fans says he's a Bachelor for a few more days and will be going to some Tampa strip clubs after the game.
"I'm going to win whether they do or not."
I'm feeling a lot of things inside, past conversations with you know who are still lingering, cabin fever is awaiting me if my uncle drops me off, and I'm thinking....
and Boobies HEAL ALL!!!
So I ask if he needs a wingman and that goes with out saying, but I'm saying, so it's agreed. We watch the rest of what is one of the more piss poor performances by the Monsters of the Midway, pay our tabs and head to 2001 Odyssey in Tampa, but first...More boooze! or uhhh sorry liquid courage or as I like to think of it...finger Meth. I can write but man, it kicks into ridiculous gears once I take a few swigs.

My stripper coach, looks like a good friend of mine, Eddy (cymatics), except if Eddy gave up on his current path and went a more traditional route. He's proper, navigates the car efficiently and openly shares his life with me. I like this guy, a mad character, and spews stories about the Chicago rave scene from the mid 90's. He has the same analogies as TMY about fungi and he grew up in Hammond, so I'm thinking it's a Hammond thing. I swim around through the back in the days, share some of my own stories, and we sit parked outside the joint drinking our beers.

We walk into the place, pay the cover charge, the women at the cash register says...
"Don't forget about me" and points towards a tip jar and I say.
"How could I ever forget about you, that's just silly..."
And proceed into the money hole that is a strip club. Ladies n gentlefolks this is where dreams come to die and erections are born again. I wouldn't call myself a strip club goer, I can recall all the times I've been to strip clubs, but never before have I been this prepared. The moments leading up to me making this decision to come out, lick face with the night, and document it all in my black book were dull n dreary. I'm a homebody these days and ya know with good reason ;) However, I don't know if it's the alcohol, the flashing lights, the, is that lady gaga? shit! I can't tell or all the half naked women but for a quick moment I feel alive.

I break the seal and sit next to my strip club coach, he breaks it all down to me, because I clearly look like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

"NO!!! you never tip on the first song, don't even make eye contact, just let them come to you, and if she gives you something you give back."

This makes a lot more sense and should help me conserve what little money I've brought with me into this place. WHERE IS THIS PLACE?!?!?! (google maps knows(as well as any Tampa strip club goer). So he continues in prepping me for what will be a night of folly, friendship, and ultimately life counseling.

"There are 2 rules that you always follow when you come to a strip club. #1 you Never, ever tip on the first song, they are wearing to much clothing, and are still feeling out the patrons. #2 is that you absolutely can't save any of them."

HAhaHAHhHAH! Oh brother, you told the wrong man, the wrong thing, in the right place at just the right time.

Her dancer name is Jamie...On the side of her body etched in thick black ink it reads, "This is just dust, another piece of the story." She see's me scribbling in my black little book and asks... "whatcha doing?" I say documenting life "she laughs with the heart of a hustler, licks her lips and moves a lot closer to me. She shows me more attention then I've had recently, but I keep the rules in mind and don't tip.
"Aren't you going to tip me?"
And I respond smugly...because I know the rules....
"I'm thinking about it"
She pouts, clicks her long black heels together and scoots her delicious behind across the stage from me. I smile and feel I've secured a will be proud.
"What the fuck was that?"
"Oh man! I'm surprised they haven't come over here and thrown you out? If a girl comes over and pays that much attention to you...pssh you have to tip, I mean she has on a lot of clothes so only a dollar but you gotta."

The strip club is a much more ethical place then I could have ever imagined but dammit I came to learn. I'm here with a veteran, out of retirement, to pass on some great stories from memories not to long ago, and a few clutch secrets that can help me make my money walk. Confused, a little discouraged, I build Jamie a money building on the stage, and she come back over in the middle of the 2nd song to collect. For those of you not in the know...the 2nd song is where all that remains are some leggings (somtimes) and a thong. There are a trail of generic stars inked into her body to go along with her wise stripper proverb and I'm wondering if this is the "C" squad...we are early. As she scoops up my little money building, I go for broke, lean in and say...
"Hey! uhhh, Hi!....My friend here has hipped me to the rules of this establishment and I just want you to know...I'm here to save you and everything is going to be alright."
A light laugh tumbles out her mouth, rolls of her nipples, and fills the club with a splash of sincerity. I get a wink, my building disappears and the next vixen takes the stage in a quick mess.

There is this crazy ritual that takes place, where the girl who leave scoops up all her dollars, and the girl coming on steps around her and cleans the two poles. A weird, near lesbian dance, that raises no pulses, but shows that there is order in this unholy tacky tourist trap.

Her name is Carela...I think that's how it's spelled, I think she is spun out on something but really i can't be to sure. I'm not about to ask but by the 3rd song I notice she only has 7 dollars out on the floor. I'm a bleeding heart, ask about me, I'm a sympathetic guy, and strippers are no different then anyone else...well...hmm...maybe a little but the buzz is right and I'm sitting on a lot of singles. So I shove one dollar in her red stockings and realize that for a stripper rejection comes in the form of 8 dollars after 3 full songs and being fully nude in a room full of strangers.

The next one struts out wearing a lot of baby blue lace, my coach is excited for this one, I have to admit she's high quality from what we've been seeing and I shuffle about some bills. I'm noticing some stripper tactics...
They like to take your hat (if your wearing one) shift it back and rub your face into those beautiful hill tops of flesh. So I fold up an up n coming tip, tuff that bitch in my kanglo n glow...i'm I write this, trying to maintain my litness but let's be honest...not nearly as I was when I was, the rush of the real thing intensifies the entire spectacle and it's why we do the things we do...tangent sorry...So she comes in, removes her top, a petite girl, now with her breast exposed, fake breast, and way out of proportion...not digging it, starting looking past her, the cowboys have just tied the eagles and we've got a real nice Sunday night game on our hands...
(i just realized as I've been typing for a little over n hour that my track selection has been all wrong. I've been jamming to some new chunes I just snagged, some Nero, Danny Byrd, old Glitch Mob...etc. After a swig of vodka I'm struck by lighting and swtich to a Youtube playlist of AC/DC.....The story shall write its self from here on out...(no strippers danced to AC/DC during the evenings adventures :( Wtf! still though....)
...So yeah, ya know how you when you don't pay attention to something in life it ends up showing up on your doorstep. Welp, umm, that goes doubley truthful for strippers! I'm not paying her any mind and she comes a crawling across the bar top with only me in mind. Maybe it's the moleskin, or possibly these beautiful eyes my parents blessed me with, or just maybe the fact that I CAN'T care less about this act. In fact I'm wondering if I give her a 5 (haven't seen one come out at all so far(this leads me to believe they are a hot item)) if she'll but those disproportionate globes back under the lovely lace and do the last song like that...instead the strippers keen senses peak and she slithers over with a...
"whatcha writing?"
With a smile, a pause of the pen, and a close of the book I spit about...
She says something like "neat" or "great" or some other stripper slang that I'm unable to decode and spread eagles blocking my view of the eagles. She pulls my head in to give me the trade mark titty hug, pulls my hat back, finds, the surprise I didn't mean for her, and goes...
"Oh for me..."
Were both a little more then surprised but my reflexes are just a hair bit faster then hers...
"I tell you what, I want to give this to my friend over here, he just adores you, and can't wait to meet you."
I pass the buck, feeling like Steve Nash, strip club assists who would of thunk. I mean I know I'm a rookie but I consider myself a go getter, a mover, a shaker if you will, and hell I might as well write a few plays of my own...see if coach approves. I go back to scribbling in my book, notes, that I'm now having to weed through, and the last bit of Bella's 3rd song is spent with my fantastic coach. He gives her my dollar and then a portion of his 4 american dollars and we both laugh a bit as she vanishes off the stage and behind that velvet curtain.
"So what did you think of my pass?"
"Well, good idea, heads up, but ya know she doesn't wanna double dip...She already did some work for you, and then your just passing the buck. So she's chasing that dollar and having to do more...I gave her a little more."
"I felt like Steve Nash..."
There is a look on his face, like, man, this guy is definitely getting ahead of himself...
I must say, as I watch my coach use his stack of singles, I come to realize, he really gets his monies worth. He gets way more then me and truly is a master of his craft. I take notes out the corner of my eye sockets because I don't think staring is only excites them more!
A few more dancers come out, I'm reading latin off one girls back, choking on some nickleback over the speakers, laughing at this 50 something in pastel flannel (oh yeah it exists) pissing away his pension on women who could care less, and coming to grips with every tip I give I'm taking baby steps away from the man I hope to be come October...
1/2 Time...
As we go to leave, I believe some of the "A" list is arriving and I walk right into one of them. Her name is Kip and i can already feel my money wanting to migrate into her bank account. What the fuck is that? Stripper money magnet? We swap a smile and as I step out the door I tell her...
"I'll be back and I hope I can give you all my money..." That sort of honesty drives them wild...I think.
Coach n I head down the street, I grab a small thing of Jameson, and a budlight for my friend. Stripclubs in Tampa are magical...fully nude, I'm told you can get anything you want in the VIP lounge, if your pockets are deep enough, but you can't drink in the club. Well you can drink, a 6 dollar can of coke or maybe an 8 dollar can of redbull (at least a one drink minimum(15 turns into at least 21...)) So we fuck the system, swap more stories, and sip the suds of our choosing in the comfy confines of his car. Keep in mind, up until this night, I've never really known anything about my coach, other than, he loves the bears, and always seems like a friendly guy on those sundays.
We share so much in common, if only from our pasts, my present, well past, but ya know present. I share some of the new sounds of the underground and he gives me some great ideas on tunes to possibly give on a later date. Then he plays some G-love and we swap shots from my bottle of Jamie... we re group... and head back into the club...
The carpet, is a hot swirling mess, of grey, black, and silver...there is no real pattern and I think at some point the patrons were allowed to smoke in there. The ceilings are low and where we once sat is open n then some. We get a better view and I dig the whole scene once again...
There are a group of "bros" sitting across from me ove yonder the stage. All von dutched out and one of them is wearing a buffalo, "wing" crown, and I chuckle...full circle, if only for a moment.
Kip and I lock eyes from across the various silver chairs, bar tables, and strobing halogens. I mouth out "Olive juice" she mininterprets and signals for me to come over. I sit down next to her and waste no time, I mean why would I, GORGEOUS, and ya know all the tangiables out for auction.
"Would you like to go on a date with me?"
"I'm sorry I'm not much into exsposure."
This confuses I start telling her the rules I've learned and this immediately sends panic up her pretty posture.
"no no no, if you don't tip her the first song she won't do a good job. And you should never try to save anyone...We're all figuring it out and people need to do that on there own."
Whoa! No saving needed here and I tell her I want to see her dance before I commit to a private dance. That's me, always leaving my options open, and needing that undeniable proof. She tells me I'm going to be waiting a long while and I quickly return with a...Your definitely worth the wait. Ping pong with strippers is great especially when words are the ball.
As winter takes the stage, my coach informs me that...
"You need to wake up in the morning feeling like you did something wrong & u can write that in your pad." So I do and I take to the rules, completely ignoring the dancer...i mean stripper...for the first song, collecting some notes from our outdoor convo, and peaking at the eagles hard at work on the other side of the club. That Mr. Vick, so slippery, much like the pole, much like the singles I unfold, and the story that's being told...
I dont' recall her name, I thought I did but clearly it's a misprint, but she's beautiful. Natural, curvey, ebony, and some of the most fantastic pole skills through out the night. I'm watching, drifting off, riding a great whiskey buzz, she twirls about, upside down, right side up, and all the while G-string in's only the 2nd song. Somewhere in between the double helix heel slide, lil wayne making the shitty sound system pop, and a quick conversation with a "Roadhouse" extra I drift off into my own world. I start, Tutting (click, learn, raise the bar...I dare you) and all of a sudden the DJ starts calling me out...
"Whoa there, having a good time, what are you trying to be...some kind of mime..."
Yuck yucka yuck yuck all through out the club, I lock eyes with him and mouth....I AM A FUCKING MIME...OFF DUTY!!!
"HAhahHAHA, well then" are the last things the club here's...
I don't tip the wonderful dancer instead I march over to the booth and begin doing some investigating. His name is Chris, he's running serato, and eating a delicious Jimmy Johns sub. He asks about my story and I ask how do I get his job. He takes offence, I back track, and say...
"ya know but at another establishment?..."
"Well, do u know how to DJ?"
I slip back into a quick flash, some of my more favorite moments as a DJ, and I come back with a response...
He smiles and says..."Well that's a start." Munch munch on his turkey tom no onions (I can smell them from a mile away and his sammich is lacking them), cues the next pole pleasing piece and completely ignores all the rest of what I would have liked to say. I'm feeling extra "money" and walk my ways back to my seat. However, before leaving, I leave an entire days worth of bad eating in his area...SO MUCH ASS GAS!!!! Talking about chilli, nasty chicken, french fries, various beers, and of course my general disgust for his profession. Just floating, thick, and ready for all those within a 10ft blasting zone.
I do my pee pee dance in the mens room and take my front row seat as Nikki comes out onto the stage. HOLY HELL!!! gun tattoos along side her firm breasts, amazing behind, platinum blonde hair, and all n all looking like my X-wife if she'd a just taken that last step. My friend use to always say she was one step away from the pole but she use to always say she had to much self respect to not go that route. However not enough self respect to remain faithful to her husband, or to not spit well liquor into tourists mouths, or ya know not be a lying cunt....Whoops! I think that might be the liquour talking...sorry...i digress.
She is up there...I mean...Her n Kip are by far the best this heartbreak hoeTell has to offer. I keep the rules in mind, ignore, scribble and of course she takes the bait. Her dance, with each swing of those perfectly preportioned hips, I find myself entranced, and I'm no match.
"What are you doing?"
I close the book, smile, and say...."Writing"
"What? rhymes?"
"nopers, LIFE!"
and quickly she spins about to her pole and says.
"well you better write, fast, and quick. Because it's much to big for you to write it all"
She slides up and down that pole and for the first time in the night I'm really feeling it...I really!!!
I WANT TO SAVE THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually a long standing plan of mine has been to create a loyal army of strippers. How I always picture it going down is as followed...
I strike it big, either ya know with my sweet sweet dance moves, hit them powerball numbers, cook up the best meth the world has ever had, or just find that random billion dollar brief case. From there, I head to every major city in America (possibly other countries too but ya know me I'm a patriot) go to the best strip club that city has to offer and find there money maker. The girl who just brings em in, turns em out, and banks. Ask her..."What do you want to do more then anything on this earth?" And then provide her with the means to do so...
Ne time I ever set foot in that city, BAM! awesome date night...yes yes...I'm aware I'm delusional but please just let me dream.
She takes a few of my dollars, more so then any other previous, even taps my under the hat stash, wich you guessed it means my nose goes for an amazing back and forth ride...I snarl, she giggles, and I go back to the scribbles. She looks down at me and smiles...I ask...
"have you ever seen someone do this?"
and the most sincere smile a stripper can sustain slips out...honesty...validation...and it only cost me like 5 bucks. Her songs finish and I watch her walk about scooping up her dollars, she keeps a close eye on me, and I think I might just have to get a private dance.
My coach leans in...
"Man, that book of yours is amazing!!!! They all are interested and wanting to know."
And i respond with a few variations of "i know right's"
However only moments after that, some midget stripper, well like 5'2 (in heels dude(dudette?)) comes up to my coach and tells him the book is creeping all the girls out. So he leans in and tells me to stop...I decide I have enough notes to pretty much rant my way into sunrise and tuck her away. Plus at this point my head is spinning...
GodSmack is blaring and out loud I say..."Man, it would be great to see all this movement to at least some shitty hip hop" and the next song starts a playlist of chunes I can at least describe as semi-bareable...I mean...given the location. So, my fingers get to moving, at first below the bar, but then I'm like fuck it, in rome, wearing a plaid kilt, might as well show em whats underneath.
Oh man!!! the looks are priceless, this coming from a guy who normally kicks it on street corners leaving them slack jawed. I get a few "Should we tip him's?" but the best is the bartender (red bull opener/pop can bringer)...
"What are you doing there?"
"It's called "Digits" and it's a dance"
"Oh, well, you should get a fushigee (i don't care to know how to spell that(or a lot of other words(sorry izzy)))."
Her n I go back n forth about how I won't be buying one of those. She smiles and goes back to stabbing peoples eyes out with 6 dollar cans of coke but I know what I must do before I leave.
The coach is looking a bit anxious, he wants to know if I'm ready to bounce, and I'm still waiting for Kip to come on stage n do her thing. I want to stack her against the competition and then get a lap dance from the winner. SOMEWHERE TODAY THERE HAS TO BE WINNER and dammit it might as well be my black slacks. That's when i see KIP cheating on me for the fifth time, leading some 40 something back into the VIP area, and I'm is an oppurtunity to save 25bucks. My coach n I gather our effects and head towards the exit. I have two dollars stashed, one behind my ear (rolled up like a cig), and the other in my new favorite place to hide dollars. I stumble up to the blonde bombshell that is Nikki and say...
"these were for you, I think, but ya know when the music was just right. However, my ride is leaving and there is just something about you that makes me want to give these dollars to their rightful owner. She smiles, I get a HUG, I think, can I save her?, and just settle with that strip club scent she rubs into my clothing. As I exit I remember to give the bartender the website to a highly motivated, involved, diverse, and ever growing online community of finger dancers :P I think she just might check it out...who knows...I told her if she does i'll buy one of those stupid infomercial balls.
The two, my coach n I, stroll out into the florida night, and I have a hard time understanding it's the middle of December. I brag about the smell...That smell...Of baby powder, broken promises, credit card over drafts, fathers that should have just taken the time, and what the hell ever they spray on them poles. He says...
"You gota earn that smell!"
and I laugh so loud that I feel a bit light headed. We hop in the whip and cruise back towards my new residence. I'm told of a great time he once had...Soldier Field, The rolling stones, smoking weed with his father, and learing that some people love to share. I'm glad I took a chance and I'm extremely glad I ended up being a good wingman. Seems like we achieved just the right amount of fun and actually spent way less then anticipated.
On the way back, I share a bit more about my life, and where I hope to see it go. He holds back but honesty eventually dumps out past his lips. Caution comes crashing into our free fall of an evening and all with a variety of apologies. I tell him not to worry and actually I thank him for his concern. He's right you know...
...These days, the days I trail blaze with eyes on a prize only I seem to understand, aren't for the faint hearted. I don't expect many to understand and I hope if I come up short the "I told you so's" will be short n sweet. What you are witnessing is a phoenix, becoming self aware and doing all it can before that majestic moment befalls him. The eagles ended up squeeking it out by three, Nikki beat Kip out by two, and well the Bears they will always be number one. It's four in the morning, my liquor is all gone, but I'm still having fun!!!
....wonder how I'll feel in the morning?
Thanks for reading, hope you took some breaks, most importantly hope you took some breaks, and mostly importantly....RESPECT THE RULES!!! you'll get your dollars worth and come to understand the delicate balance that is a stripclub.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Pull up a stool

There are some things flickering on the screens, mostly college sports, and I'm spinning round this glass of hope. The week has been a fast fading mystery, work trudges along, and life does a lot of the same. They all come sit at my bar though...

On the regular, I chat with fantastical drunken fanatics of all types, and I do my best to keep my opinions to myself. Really, that is like 90% of the job, and over the years for my landlords sake I've gotten good at it. They come in, one by one, pull up a stool, and proceed to dump. The stories run a crazy range...

Mike, he works next store at the grocery store, stocking food, getting customers what they need, and nursing a broken heart. His X-wife takes near half his check for the kids he rarely gets to see and some crazy thing called alimony. He's a good man and the boulder he drags in here on the regular makes me grateful I cut that last one loose.

Let's take Richard for example...
Tips well enough, orders Jack n Cokes, NO FRUIT..."what the fuck man, if I wanted healthy shit I'd be hanging out at some ritzy lounge, where they charge four bucks for a bottle of mineral water, and the women all cost just enough." So yeah, I take some licks from time to time from him but I understand that it's because life pushes down on him really hard. As long as those tips stay above 15% we should have no problems and my pours will continue to be generous.

Then of course there is Albert...
Everyday is the same...
Shows up way before happy hour and is here much to long after. Sure, I make my electric bill off of him in two weeks time alone but you just have to feel a little something for someone drinking their life away in this manner. He tells me about a time he stabbed a guy in the eye with his thumb during a bar fight. This was back in Boston, he spits a little when he talks, but I'm use to wiping things off the bar. He preaches to me about his kids that love him, how he's living the dream, and then the next day rolls around. Still day dreaming, still sinking dollars into my bucket, and still watching those college kids like maybe somewhere inside them lyes a better version of what he could have hoped to be.

We have Tom, various girls every night, and he always picks up the tab. He let's them order whatever they want, I bring them shots, and he picks up the whole tab. To bad he doesn't know how to tip! When I think of how many money shots I've probably afforded that guy...well lets just say I silently hope some sort of sickness befalls his member sooner rather then later.

You have your regulars that just come to watch the games, the fights, the scrolling spatterings of apathy, and of course my zen like guidance. We laugh and generally through out the night you can hear a common cry of fuck the status quo. Many HOORAYS!!! spirits guiding spirits into that fabled land of pretend that makes sense for a few hours. Shit! What do we know...bills...DUI's...Families saturated in divorce and hardship...economic down turns...and a need to aspire to be something spectacular before our eyelids open no more. Occasionally someone slangs something "cash" like on the jukebox and everyone sings along.

Then again...somenights a stranger comes walking in. It always seems to be on those quite nights. Alone, watching the clock, grazing over the newest crossword puzzle, and hoping 1 A.M. will come sooner rather then later. To be honest, a stranger like this, well, in all my years of pouring poison, I don't know I've ever come across one quite so twisted, and I don't wish to ever share a conversation with the likes of this devil ever again...

but I did...
and you know what they say about dancing with the devil....right?

......Dance with him and you might just end up losing more of yourself then you wagered.

"I'll take a Jameson, double, and neat."

He pulls up that oak stool with a easy and like so many before lets his conscious rest along that bar top. Heavy, I can feel it, but I just can't yet understand why...So I pour his drink and say.

"Tall order sir, hard day out in them killing fields?" Here is me, speaking as if I'm in the presence of the usual...

"I just shot a man..."
It echoes off the walls and comes back to me with much speculation.
"I did it because in my gut I knew it was the right thing to do and because if I didn't do it others would suffer."

Pouring his potion reality comes in with each inch of gold that hits that rocks glass and I'm concerned for the next moments of this jigsaw puzzle called life.


"Like, I loaded a weapon, barged into his den, and left a heavy smell of gunpowder in the air."
He takes a large gulp from his freshly poured drink
"BANG!!! BANG!!! BANG!!!"
setting his drink down at the last bang and looking up at me with a hearty smile.
"I did it for you ya know..."

At a loss for words for the first time in what feels like forever, I stumble with my response, and he quickly says...

"You've loved right? I mean, you look about at least 30 something, I've got to think some sort of warm splintering feeling has taken apart your soul and made you a better man for it? Ya know LOVE! that things you'd do most anything for?"

It takes me a second to realize this is a question and I say...

"Yes sir, actually, very much in love, got a wife, she's due in a few months time here........gona be a spring baby. Thinking about naming him Matt after my father."

"Ah, that's good...."
Another large gulp, taking his glass down to about 1/4, and he says
"ya see...about two months ago, I had something like that. My own little plot of heaven in this madness known as life. I'm in my 50's understand, I've seen a lot of things, experienced two decades worth more then you, and become all to comfortable with the forgotten promises of my younger years. Still though, about a few years back I met her. Eyes just spewing with hope, hair golden, long, streaming, and screaming with strands of comfort. Heaven! I tell no lies, I was a mad man, lost, pissing away my nights in places like this, and then one day she came to be."

He gulps the last of his drink, pushes it towards me, and with out hesitation I pour another. I don't dare breath...I let him finish what has been a long time in the making and hope that he finds me more friend then foe.

"We made plans you know, places to see, things to be...and then one night...he came."

I see a hard demeanor go soft for only a few seconds, a few salted drops catch on his whiskers, and he shrugs this off. Turning to his audience of one his continues...

"I work late, I'm not a jealous man, so I let my flower spread her pollen about this great world because, ya know, it seems like the world could use more happiness...."

I think, where are the regulars? Where are the loyal fans of failed freethinking? Why have I been foresaken to be murdered by a madman at this barely above minimum wage bar? My own undoing I guess, all those glasses I've poured, never telling them to stop, and now death takes the form of an old mystic with tales of retribution.

I guess he can tell he doesn't have my attention...fully, and says...

"HEY! are you listening or aren't you?"

meekly I squeek
"yes sir, just a bit nervous that's all..."

A hearty laugh tumbles out of his gullet and he dumps about.

"Then drink up!!! Worry not friend, your just the last friendly face I'll see for many years, and I have no one else to bare my soul too. Ya know, I thought that's what bartenders were for, soul bearing...
Hell, I use to sit for hours, talk to my bartender about the things I could have done, the things I should have done, and could have been...
All of that was before her..."

Once again a few soft drops of moisture and then....CRASH!!!
What was left of his whiskey goes against the wall and I immediately pour myself a shot.
"better grab me one of them too"

We both meet eyes, heaven, hell, beside one another, two men, a swig, and the burn is so smooth I almost forget my current dilemma.

"He saw her out, with her friends, she was wearing something so appealing, so attractive, intoxicating, and the weaker man that he was made plans for something in sincere."

My phone vibrates, singing loudly, "IF YOU WANT BLOOD!!! YOU GOT IT!!!" (I love AC/DC)

He laughs....
"Go ahead, answer it...I won't be here much longer."

"Hello, uhhhh, yeah, not a good time...oh!....well umm yeah dealing with something much bigger at the moment. What?!?!? No dude, fuck you! yeah I mean, well........Wait wait wait a minute. You tell that mother fucker I'll be there and with bells on. Seriously though...not a good time"
I hang up, smile something awkward at what to me starts looking more and more like the grim reaper.

not skipping a fucking beat, that scavenger of time, hopped right back onto whatever line he was grinding.

"He followed her home and once he realized she was alone...well...He did the things that drive a man like me over that line he once hoped to never see again. I won't bother you with the details that made the stomachs of all the reporting sheriffs weak, or how I had to make her funeral arrangements. All I need from you this evening is absolution. I shot him, dead to rights, before the long twisted arm of what we call the law could make a grand spectacle of him. I found my vengeance in a little double wide and I didn't think twice about it. The only thing I thought about was those that would suffer if I didn't and those that suffered because I hadn't done it sooner. I'd never thought of myself as a killer...ever...I've busted more then a few heads in my day, taken a thrashing, and picked myself up. However, as soon as I caught word of who it was, and put the pieces together...All hesitation went way word and I found myself thriving off instincts."

He clears his throat, motions for a new rocks glass, and I abide....

"Absolution...that's all I'm looking for stranger and I guess maybe a thank you."

I collect feels like forever but I'm sure it's just seconds. I think about how to best structure the words and half way through that process personality overtakes the thinking machine.

"RUN!!! But know you did the right thing, know that sometimes, evil must be punished by the firmest hand possible, and that a man must do what he hopes to be right. Find refuge, in those that share a similar oder to yours, but know that you did what was right. If this man did what you think he did, then take comfort in knowing that the cycle stops with you. I won't personally thank you, because I don't know that I have the stones it takes to end a life, but let me extend my sincere gratitude for the safe passage of my son. I don't know that they would have crossed paths but the world is an increasingly small place and I'd rather not leave matters like that to fate."

Weak, shaken, and just drained, my hands shake and he reaches next to me. I flinch a little as he grabs a grip of tooth picks and smiles.
"Young man, I do believe you just may have saved my soul, and if I didn't know better few others might find it worth saving."
He pushes that slender piece of wood into his mouth and twirls it round to the other side fast. With a swift motion he lays cold hard steel across my bar, and my gut falls out into my shoes.
"this is for you...or for them...tell them what you like. I'll be long gone by the time the sun catches the one I loved most."

He walks calmly out the way he came and I'm left shook.....

So they come in from time to time...

"HEY!!! what the fuck, can you put the game on?!!?!"

I always ask what game, with clenched nerves, and a smooth calm that you only find in prisoners of war. What they don't know if they've usually snapped me out of the most terrifying moment of my life. Blood on my hands? Blood on all our hands...pssh! So accountable for the actions of others but for one night, I just might have been an accomplice to something so self righteous and pure...

...Matthew is two now and the best parts of my days are when I get to hold him. Part of me continually thanks that crazy old man. This existence... Wild & uncharted... warriors...where do they roam and where does he roam now. On the quite nights, those nights I feed the jukebox alone, I always wonder if he'll come back for his steel. I wonder and with anticipation I hope to spread this real.

Friday, December 3, 2010

On The Road prt 2

I push past Indy with ease and some kind words from Alan Watts. If you aren't in the know, please allow me to hip you to one of the most enlightening men I've ever heard speak, and if you care to check him out the world will become a much better place...guaranteed!

I picked a specific lecture series on the ego...
The last few months I was around in Chicago I was very much a man destroyed by his own ego. Scared to go out into the night air for a lot of reasons but mostly that I wouldn't be able to sit on my own two fucking lips. I see things in the world I don't like, I want to change them, and I feel I have the will to change them. At the cost of others feelings, my own well being, and the natural order of things. Then there are the things I see that I like, that I can't have, and I begin to shift pieces around to see just how close I can get to them. The ego is a powerful construct of the mind and for some it can end up piloting the whole ship. The last few months I felt swallowed up by mine and extremely scared of what might come up and out. So I cruise and listen to this older gentlemen tell me all the things I should have already known. All the madness and wisdom that I think most of us could learn to digest. Into the thick black night passing into Kentucky.

I get anxious and find myself longing for human's about 3 in the I ring what I hope to be one of my new friends down in Florida. His name is Kyle, he goes by NEWT, and you can tell I've woken him up. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! HAHAHHHAhahhA!!! This maniac, cruising at extremely high speeds, begins asking an insane amount of questions rapid fire, and all to an unsuspecting person. Kyle is a great sport, we get to know one another, hobbies, hopes, and all the tiny innumerable s that I soon forget. I tend to learn and re-learn people, I don't know if it's a subconscious hope to breed consistency or just the early stages of me being a burn out. We put some loose plans together to meet up soonish and get down with some liquids. He tells me about his plaid sunglasses and I about swirve off the road causing what I'm sure would have been the most excitement most of these farmers have seen in months. We burn through a nice hour long talk and I resume my listening to VERY VERY LOUD MUSIC.

I have a few tracks cued up for sunrise and as she starts to shimmy up the coast line I get tingles of anticipation through my knuckles. Yep! still drilling, still thinking that this is all really finally happening...
to save as much money as humanly possible...
a)Largest group of monies will be thrown into CD's to accumulate interest while I head out for (b). After I return from (b) withdraw said monies and buy myself a nice plot of city space in Chicago. Invite artists that I've known over the years that are serious, dedicated, and have a death grip on their crafts to come live with me to create.
b)Smaller group of monies will be my rocket fuel to travel to places I've only seen through the rapid fluttering of my eyelids. Main destination being "Just Debut" in France. I want to use that event, the events surrounding it, to properly spread the liquids, and get my name out into the world. I also hope to travel, write many pages, meet many lovely faces, crash on foreign couches, and choke out this wanderlust that eats away at my soul.

That's the plan and as the sun pokes her head out illuminating the mountain sides I let my sunrise playlist rock out. The rich colors...Oh how they dazzle these already frazzled senses. Tree tops splashed with all the fantastic colors I hold dearest. I've enjoyed many a sunrise this past year, one in particular, Sinner man leaked out from an iPhone, the horsemen still grinning from an amazing adventure, and I was daydreaming something of my present visuals. This time it's London Electricity, emancipator, and Alkaline Trio...I'm alone...but ya know...only physically. The road takes me up and down, winding round, beauty at every turn, and I'm so happy to be traveling through this great country during Fall. I love fall...

To Me (it's important to say that)
Life is a lot about toiling away at the things that move you most. It can be hard to find those things, once you do, it's important to shift gears and run that engine till the cylinders go POP!!! So, life is cycles, it is seasons, and TO ME each one of those seasons has an extremely important function to completing a years work.

Winter-This is when the less daring mammals hibernate, plan for the spring, and enjoy the simpler things in life; I however, hit the pavement twice as hard, so I can gain ground on those that either got a head start in life via birth place, better genetic make up, or in that rare case are just much better at the game then yours truly. I also enjoy sipping whiskey and shoveling driveways to Slipknot...maybe yours...who knows. It's important to note, I feel winter is a lot about reflection, looking at the past year and taking in what came to be, could have been, should have been, and finding the happiness in it all. The comfort to become reborn as we approach...

Spring-Fresh, NEW, hope, and the smell of things to come. Plans are in motion, others maybe come to your aid, but whatever the objectives of that year are should be firmly in place. I always begin to notice the new attachments in my life and start to decide whether these belong or not. This is my born season and always find myself doing way to much. :D

Summer-HOT HOT HOT!!! Full swing, eye on the prize, and working with a feverish pace. You can find me like eggs on blacktop, topnotch, and probably a bit to much so. This is where you start to see what will be, a lot of times it can be hard to face that reality, but it's important to. It's important to know where you stand with your objectives and let delusion cloud you no more. Sure take on a few more side projects but don't think it's going to complete whatever your pushing towards. Because ultimately...

Fall comes...If you've never seen the movie "The Fall"[<---click it come on :)] I definitely suggest you check it out. Hell I'll mail it to you, or forward you a torrent, or's a good one! So, umm, yeah...Fall comes. What will be will ultimately be and we give into the inevitable feeling. The changing of colors, the culmination of the summers labors, and finally the results.

This past year...WoW...I think about it all as the miles add up

Pit stop...hop out dump 65 dollars worth of gas into my panther like automobile. While thats filling I head into the Mcdonalds, haven't had something from here since TMY n I were in Wisco, and I know why :D Grab something to go, it's hot it's got cheese, and It doesn't take to much time off the clock. That clock, the tick tick ticking!!! I'm doing the math and it doesn't look good. So I put the pump back hop into my beast, without a goodbye or a peace, I'm back out there ripping up pavement.

So yeah this past year, has been one of the most amazing in my life, for a lot of good reasons, and some bad ones too. All in all, I believe I was telling one of my good friends, I've done more living in this past two years then I can even comprehend. All foreshadowing aside, I begin to comprehend a lot of it as I come into Georgia...I bump a little LuDa! "we on that grind...all the time...Nothing BUt GEORGIA!!" yeah, sorry, whatever... So many great memories, however, the stinging bite of recent memories flood my wispy eyes and that just means I need to turn the music louder.

I start to pass Atlanta which means I'm getting real close to my destination. Up until this point I've been cruising, pissing in plastic vitamin water bottles, one hand on the wheel other on the bottle, steady, STEADY, watch the levels, put the cap on, hide safely and not stopping!...NOT STOPPING! Well expect this one stop, a relapse if you will, an extreme guilty pleasure, dark and brooding. Other then that though, cruising, and feeling mighty peppy (thanks Rachel n TMY) but as I pass Atlanta I start to doze off. I do some calculations and think I can take an hour nap n still make it to my fathers in time.

I pull off and over, I pass out in record time, CRAZY DREAMS smash into my sleep space and I jump to life. I grab the wheel and freak out!!! WTF!!! did I oversleep how long have I been out 1/2 n hour...fuck it...can't risk it. This rental is costing me a large sum of money per day and I hop back on that interstate...slam a five hour energy...push my PA to it's limits and sail towards a world of unknown.

I cross into Florida and much to my good fortune I end up drifting behind a guy doing 100+. The perfect Gofer...Teee Heee all the way home! I pass by Gainesville...birth place of Tom Petty and for some reason I've always pictured myself retiring if some day I would end up having a career that would allow me to retire. :D So I cruise along and I begin to realize, I'm going to make it on time, and with maybe an hour to spare. Happy dance ensues and I forget that I'm teetering on two days with little to know sleep.

I come into the Tampa Bay area, hop on the interstate that leads me to my new house, and BAM! I'm greeted by a large confederate flag. So I salute the shit out of that shit and chuckle something truthful..."Oh the SOUTH, how I've missed you so, and I can't wait to see what we do together this time." A few more songs later and I'm pulling into my fathers lovely drive way. DELIRIOUS!!! Slightly ahead of schedule and extremely hungry.

I come into the house and I'm greeted with a great big hug. The two, that is to say, the few, scrawny, knotty knees and beautiful eyes of blue. Take to unloading this sleek SUV and getting what little remains of my worldly possesions into my new confides. He then alerts me to a delicious stew that has been cooked. I salivate as soon as he begins forming the words that would inevitably lead me into the kitchen. OH MY GOODNESS!!! My stepmomz is the bestest! I woof it down, hop into my black chariot and follow the spitting image of what I'm sure I'll one day grow to be. Back past that damn confederate flag, over bridges, under some others, and all the while I'm think WHOA! I'm a long home from my lovely windy...

I get the car to the rental company with 25 minutes to spare, full tank of gas, and no additional charges. Jason Statham ain't got shit on ME!

Welcome Home...I come into my room...I set down a few last things...I look at the wall over my bed and what is hanging there.
O.k. world, universe, infinite cosmos, I'm listening, possibly maybe, speak clearly this time and will get through this with best intentions in tact.

Much love and respect with all those that helped me before my departure. The sammichs made by Nelly. Packing, cleaning help, from Daisy, Casey, and Chris. The weird ramblings shared by Kai and I days before my departure. TMY for scooping them mirrors and giving them a good home. Man...ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE that I long to hug! I miss you more then I can even begin to convey. Thank you so much for believing in me and helping me bring to life a little slice of heaven. I re-heat it daily, welp, somedays I just take a slice out the fridge and eat that shit cold...some might say it's better that way.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I knew I moved to here for a reason...


He comes home and it's him and I...somehow we get locked into that eternal struggle that will more then likely define the both of our lives.


I tell him just what the underground scene means to me...

Freedom, expression, YOUTH, veritility, a means to freely express myself, no more fake plastic people, and some of the most original fiends I've ever seen.

I go back up into my room to creep some minutes off this Adobe project I've been drifting through and he comes up with a...

"would you like to come down, sing some songs, and drink some drinks with me..."

It's on and I know it is as soon as I hit ctrl+s (thanks Kai)....I get down stairs and my father begins constructing his teal potion. It's mostly vodka and it hits the pallet ever so right. We sit down on the love seats in his man cave and begin the evening festivities!

However, before this all starts, before the drinks, I beging digging and find a lot....

I don't want to give to much because my father is a private man but...
He tells me about the madness that was Korea!
his best friend who eventually ended up serving life in prison because he killed his two kids and waited for his wife to come home. He tells me about little one bedroom apartments, bootlegging booze, and his walks through the underbelly that would some day be his son's stomping grounds. We laugh and then eat Chinese, my step mother comes home at this point and everything takes a softer turn.

She does that naturally ya know...
Such a great women, so much care, comfort, and ultimately two ears that make me glad I was born with lips. She listens to us roosters crow and laughs like it's all what is the need to know news. I'm really glad I made this leap, thus far, thinking about the impending holidays, my friend coming to stay from Orlando, and all these crazy dreams I seem to stack across my screen.

So we get to drinking...I learn about the chilli peppers, some country, hair metal, and other things I wont' dare to mention. We drink...yes! and on a school night! I even get him to stay up past 10 o'clock!!! I always knew I was a terrible influence on those I loved most but it took shacking up with my father to really help me come close to that understanding.

I'm really looking forward to the next couple of days...

My grandmother!!!
Ohhhhh man!!!!! the hug I plan on putting on her...all the pain I've felt these past months, all the hurt. I'm sure she'll wipe it all away with one firm clutching. My aunts B-day is arriving soon and i hOPE to bring her something unique and not a moment to soon. These next two months are all about what I moved here for! FAMILY!!! not to say I didn't have them up around my front door...that front door that often greeted me with a crazy cat...JJ...yeah you dude!!! I miss our walks meng...But family! Like blooooooooD, the people that twitch the same way I do, preach the same politics, and continually work to better the same things I do.

I hope you are ready for them...

Its been way to long for me...All the fill in families...THANKS!!!!

This year however, i get my little sister, aunts, uncles, father, etc....The things I've clutched so hard to want. No lies, tears stream from my eyes...maybe its the Aphex...or maybe it's the realization that dreams realized come long after time put in dissecting the lies we live through what we hope will one day surprise us as the truth...ya know...the opposite of black friday lies!

So please...toast those you love the most, and rid off that impending ghost! Because this next month is about the things that matter most!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

All I wanted to do was dance...


This past week has been a disaster in so many ways...
I get this job, from out of no where, and I'm thinking blessing. Not more then 2 hours into my first training shift do I become fully aware that it is anything but. Sooooooooooo, days pass by and I go through what is the worst training at a job ever. Talking about...

Let's send him home with a bunch of paper work and none of the proper pamphlets to fill them out with. At one point they sent me home with this mini book that was suppose to give me answers on menus items. Yeah, I get home, and it's in fucking SPANISH! It was almost like they were looking back on the last two years of my life and saying..."Bet you wish you'd of took that two semesters of Spanish a little more serious buddy." From the trainers that just don't care to the managers that are more worried about saving hours then properly training someone, I find myself at the end.

My last training SHIFT!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! It's friday night and whoa damn slow, I mean short bus slow, and then from out of no where I get this thought. If for some reason I can get out of here early tonight, I might be able to snag a ride and get down with some dancers this evening. I've been living here for a week now and completely isolated from most forms of human contact. More so then toking the occasional pot, dropping the hilarious acids, I find myself craving that semi circle of like minded pears that express themselves through motions. So, I start to tug the strings that I know will get me cut, and about 8:30 I'm handed my final test. The kicker, I have to clock out and take this behemoth before I can exit the building. If my counting is correct they already have me down for about 2hrs off the clock in this building, and I'm left wondering...will this be a trend? So I get to the task at hand and at some point I become extremely tired of playing by their rules. I start talking with the other servers, FOH (front of house), and cooks...only to find...most people don't fucking know either.

This leads me to take my test into that bathroom, with my pre test, and begin forging away at my freedom. MWUahahhHAHAHHAhahHA! I don't feel bad since they gave me the proper documents to complete everything four days prior and have really done a piss poor job training me overall. So I hand my completed test to Jay, he looks a lot like the team lead from "party down" season one (acts like it to in a lot of ways), and skip out the door bumping Blue scholars! Unhinge the bike and bolt home, my hope is to get home, and get in touch with one of the few peeps I know down here and snag a ride to get down town. I fail on so many levels...I sit...Grey Anatomy taunting me in my face! FUCK! Man, i got the itch, and part of me just wants to steal my fathers car, Smash on these local cats and scoot back before anyone is any the wiser.

Sadly, I get dressed, get back on that bike, and cruise out into the crisp Florida winter air. The sky is largely illuminated by the moon and the past two years of psychedelics. It's beautiful, I put on the Trio and head to this bar...They call it linksters. Page gets me drunk, I attempt to make small talk but start failing once I find something to write about in my little white book. I pump 5bucks into the jukebox and my plays go unnoticed. I'm alone! Marooned! This is all my doing though and in the mirror across from me I remind myself of that as I wiggle my fingers. Looking sharp, Cheddar like...Cheddar is the sharpest of all cheeses fools.

Curtis Mayfield
Rage Against the Machine
Lupe Fiasco
Violent Femmes

All while the Bulls barely eek by a win over Dallas. Page made me a delicious potion that further dropped me into the realm of seclusion and before I know it I'm paying my tab and unlocking my bike. I ride around...and find myself to this other little bar a few block from my I take a break to rant...

My father upon moving into his house made me sign an agreement to not take any substances without a prescription. So it's not about bringing drugs into his house or even coming home under the influence. It's more about not having those toxins in my system while I call his home my home. It's completely alright for me to go ride around town, rack up 20dollars in charges via various bars, get wasted, destroy my liver, and slither my ways back home. I don't know that I understand this logic...ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS DANCE! Yet, whatevers, I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity I have before me this year and with my eye on the prize I know all objectives can be reached. I just want to smoke a little weed and boogey :)

So I sit at this bar and I go from tipsy to drunk, Dessa sings to me, and helps me piece together the last 10 months of my life. I scribble with a mad fury and I will say the best part about drinking again is the haste it gives my PEN. I breeze through the last few pages of a book I got for my bday...I put an extremely important chapter to rest and peace the fuck out of another establishment. As I leave I watch the happy little dance going on and wonder if I can somehow re-insert myself into that human equation again....doubtful...but it'll be fun trying.

I ride down a few blocks, find a parking lot, park my bike, and proceed to bust the fuck down & OUT! Some FLUX, Beats, Heyoka, and I barely break a sweat because of this amazing climate I'm surrounded by. I feel great! Definitely still buzzing from the cocktails I purchased and I got to unload some much needed dance tension. I check my reflection in the glass of this Lutheran Church and can only describe myself as satisfied. I scurry home and can't wait to sit in front of these keys for another hour or so.

Angsty "strung out" blares through the head phones and I put it all down...Read it...dismiss it...fuck it! I can't wait to look back on it 3 years from now. Because I'm digging this thing called life and living it the best way I can. I'm established at my job now, so now I begin making real money, I think I've learned the lay of the land I'm currently calling home, and I've battled the worst forms of regret this week. All n All...I'm thinking things are good...hope you are thinking the same. PEACE FRIENDS!

Friday, November 19, 2010

All my malice

You are the benefactor of years n years of caution
I'm the road less traveled and hair less styled
good bad and all those close but not so touching in betweens
you'd like to paint me that
Chum, buddy, pal, friend...
I'd like you to know...I wish you the best
All that can ever be said has
and all that ever will be is already in motion
the free fall is exhilarating and there is no room for waiting
no time for debating
So I implore you to resist your
(good god there might be children reading)
^^^if they are^^^
Let me say this and that
THIS:Is a man who takes chances, breaks hearts, does his best to mend them, and hopefully never break them again.
THAT:Is half a man who doesn't have the stones to even call and insult you
Nope just throw stones from a far
gossip about my life like its the hot topic of substance
Eye to eye more then a few times
except you set it up so that not a humble word would smash on your pride
You be the locomotive
I'll be running on them train tracks
lets see who first will collapse
Don't get sloppy?
Making you seethe is one of my more natural hobbies
Far far away and out of the blue you just need to wish me off and say HEY!
but you know in your not so subtle way
man....'s been a long while since I've had to read any of your writing
(you think there might have been some improvements)
Let's hope this blunt ass back hand makes it a lot longer
I live to loathe you
But instead I'll hope to let it all go
and watch something better grow
Best of luck sir! If you believe in that sort of thing...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

On The Road prt 1

Shot out of some sort of circus cannon, racing towards Florida in what has to be the sickest car I've ever had the great fortune of driving, and I'm on a timetable like I've never known. I have ruffly round 20 hours to make what the directions are telling me is a 21 hour drive but I get the feeling like it just might be o.k.

So Teddy helps me pack up the pimpalicious ride, I get my snacks in order, and begin peeling back the miles. The always talented bassphreak has provided me with my own personal mix to start my journey on and I'm happy to blast it loudly. The past week had just been a blinding mess and I'll do my best to not bring it into this. However, I'm going through moments, thinking of things I could of said, laughing at the things I did, and tearing up as I see her fade away in my rear view mirror. Fret not love, I'll be back, and finally with the right mind to stay in your comforts. Not along side them, hiding, in the burbs, and visiting on weekends. No, I think this time, I'll have a couch for people to do just that, and watch it all come round full cycle...yeah I like that thought...NO! you can't come!

Not to long into my drive I get a text from one of them. She's extremely sad and wondering how I manage to always keep it together. How I always seem so very happy and keep everyone in great spirits. I decide texting while driving isn't going to be good so I engage in what would be a very long conversation. The young women I'm speaking to definitely suffers from manic depression. I struggle with this as well...These amazing HIGHS!!! soaring, coasting...LOOK AT THAT, hahahahhahahhhaha! etc! and then these lows that just bottom me out some days. She is a bit younger and from what I can tell has it to a much deeper extreme. I offer her a lot of advice, expression being the main one, and how writing has helped me out tremendously through the years. After my friends recent breakdown and the result I also make sure to mention that professional help might not be a bad route to seek when her vision becomes a bit to narrowed. Towards the end, we laugh, chat, and talk about the future. I get to marry her and her friend :D Two wives...I know and I'm not even Mormon.

Back to the matter at hand...

Have you ever driven through Indiana? SUCKS!!! so flat, boring, and at the time I'm driving PITCH BLACK! The tunes make up for it though..."Key to the City" was a top 5 favorite on my journey no doubt. Some others included...

Crying Over Pro's
All things Alkaline Trio
Alan Watts
Rise Against (the louder the better)
Heaps and Heaps of Drum and Bass: Pendulum, London Electricity, Krott, Broken Note, Umomz
Blue Scholars @ Sunrise...yes sir
Caravan Palace: a nostalgic throw back to the last time I drove this stretch
Tom Petty: Wildflowers album
Aesop Rock
All things DOOMTREE
When Life Gives You Lemons...
Mixes by:Bassphreak, TMY, Bit[c]rush, Dottcom, and LAZERSWORD (yeah still)
....the list goes on and on

I had brought with me a copy of Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" read by Matt Dillion to listen to but I decided against it. First listening to audio books can cause some snooze factor and since I didn't have anyone to switch out with that wouldn't be good. Second and probably most importantly I wanted to re-read the book, not listen to it, and I had specifically set it aside during my packings. I love this book, I'm half way through it again, and it's a true inspiration in my life. Whenever I'm going through a large transition I enjoy reading it and reliving that crazy mans life. I hope to one day write something in the vein of and give back to something that gave me so much.

Cruising along, just crushing the miles, and getting way ahead of myself. I start to lose steam and somehow I still have one last capsule of my love/hate relationship in my backpack. Where I'm going to is a farewell to a lot of things but none more serious then to all the various substance I take. I don't consider myself the type of person who "abuses" drugs, I definitely take my fair share but abuse has never really been what I'm about. However, through these passing months my intake has become more then I would care to mention. I get a free place to live down in Florida and one of the few rules my father has is a strict zero tolerance rule. Sometimes, life puts you right where you need to be when you need to be there, and then again other times life puts you in the middle of a drive by shooting. I'm gona go with the positive frame of mind and enjoy my lapse into sobriety.......relapse into alcoholism......:D......and not plaster my opinions about drugs all over my fathers extremely nice walls.

Soooo...a few songs thump by and I get that really good feeling in my gut. This gives me the idea to start working on some drills for my digits and I'm really glad I had this thought. This will definitely keep me awake long after the little capsule wears off and I've been meaning to balance out my practice habits. I've become crazy right hand dominated as of late and would like to gain some more control on my left. So I go about drilling a few motions with my right and then seeing if I can duplicate with my left. This also helps kill the boredom that is Indiana....
....Funny thing about Indiana, I use to drive here all the time to visit my X-wife. One time I even got to hit up Indianapolis and boy howdy is that place jumping...shooot! stores and bars open to 9p.m. they even got them talking pictures you've heard so much about. I HATE THE COLTS...CAN'T STANDY INDY RACING!!!...PLEASE SELL THIS STATE TO SOMEONE COOL. I think Johnny Dep could do a lot of good to Indy...i kid

Are you bored...are you interested? Should I continue? I will...whether you answer those questions or not. I just need to get some shut eye...till next time.

OH! and you...Yeah you fucking tool shed! I know...I'm childish and should really read my own posts, etc...but what I find so funny is that you read them. Everyone needs an adversary, so I'll gladly take you on as mine because if you knew anything about me...I have very few! This is not to say I don't have my fair share of people I butt heads with but I don't know to many people who share the same view you have towards me. Happy trolling hoe bag and please feel free to preach to me about Karma again. Trust! Me! I've seen first hand the thing that come about when I stray from being a "good boy"...I believe...I'm human like the rest...and actually "all to human".

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Just So You Know

I'll miss you
from the sunrises
to the orange surprises
the lack of color in our eyes
oh & all the laughs
People who allow me to be me
good, bad, from the ugly to the lovely
I've never had a group of peers who didn't judge me
Don't worry...
I've got all the bracelets (or so i thought)
all the secrets
the painful things
the trust
& all the in betweens
Back bone of a broken scene
I high five all you vertebrae
& leave little forget me nots
In the places we loathe the most
these words, let em act as a toast
or the continual nagging of my ghost
Each one of YOU!
there is a lot of good to be said about
& I thank you for never ever once publicly acknowledging my doubt
Ya'll were my rocket fuel this past year
& let me tell you...
I blasted off somewhere so far...
Mmm hmm past Mars
& I'm never coming down
Off to roam, alone, with headphones and a back pack
But I assure you I'll be back
to battle the wack
Plain the opposite of black

Thanks for the couches
nights on futons
a group where I felt I belong
all the handfuls of shampoo
conditioner late night/early morning trips to your bathrooms
The globs of minty mush
that I applied to my brush
to keep this rotting mouth
from becoming like my childhood house
For the free eats
For letting me bump "beats"
thanks for a million memories with dilated pupils
I'll miss you much to much
off to find my what
& I hope you do to
And we keep in touch through
The shifting of many moons
to the unique the savy the few
I just need to thank you
for being you
& the generosity you so kindly spew
I built myself a nice view
Poured me some bitches brew
Sipped it & brought to life dreams I never dared knew
Largely because of you
Sometimes a washer & dryer
other times rides & talks through live wires
Before my clock expires
I doubt I'll ever find so many people I hold higher \
I love you & am forever in your debt
You kill my regret
& have me pushing to whats next
These friendships I love & will never forget

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Rest In Peace

I write these words with a heavy heart, numb, and all around exhausted. I'm going to write these words to you but oddly enough post them for everyone to see. I tried sitting down and writing to you yesterday, I was still in a lot of shock, and crying on the hour. Today, has been a little bit easier though, and I begin to rationalize a lot of stuff.

You were a bright young soul, coming into your own, and I enjoyed it most when you spoke your mind. You were rigid and definitely to smart for your own good. For everyones good and I thank you for that. I thank you for the hands I now see so many people wear across their chest, I thank you for believing in my ideas, and sharing your own. I thank you for so much and forgive you for leaving us so soon.

I saw it you know, that stare, the way you'd look off into the abyss, and just obsess over your problems. I tried to make light of them, offer solutions, and help you come to grips with the suffering that can be life. These past 48 hours I've beat myself up a lot for not doing a better job. I've beat myself up for our final moments together and find myself wanting nothing more then to have you back in all our lives.

Watching you dance on that dirt road at UGS this past August was an amazing site to see. You once were a wallflower at parties and that night I saw you blossom into something major. Such high hopes, in all of our eyes, everyone voting one by one who had made the largest impact that weekend, and I was pleased when you got the flag. It was nice knowing that you'd have this constant reminder around you that there was something you'd be contributing to our dance and that your journey was off to a great start.

A few days before you left us, you brought me all the photos you'd gathered since you became a fixture in my life. I've looked through them a lot these past two days and haven't decided what to do with them yet. I know I'll come up with something good and hope that you'll be proud. You saw things in a special way through that camera. Thanks for taking the time to come out and snap photos of my old stomping ground with me. Those stories I told you about me growing up, the struggles, continually searching for identity, and eventually finding it in dance...those were true. Few people know them, I shared them with you because I LOVED YOU!

I'm sorry if I lost faith in these passing weeks. I was definitely hurt that you sought out my help, that we bonded that morning while everyone slept, and then you did the opposite. Makes me feel like I failed you when you needed me most but I talk to everyone...seems to be how we're all feeling. The pain of losing a loved one is never easy and losing you friend, has been surrounded by so much mystery.

Life to me is the culmination of energy, the coming together of all this randomness and the building of substance. Death is the dispersal of that energy and the restarting of a beautiful cycle. I looked out my window today and saw you among the leaves on the ground. The oranges, the reds, and I even saw you up in those clouds you love so much. I saw you in my little brother as I stopped by to talk with my mother and I think I even caught a glimpse of you in my rear view mirror as I straighten my hat. What I'm trying to say is...

...Your not gone. The physical has been taken from us before we'd like it to be, this makes the heart heavy, and my eyes puffy. However, you are wherever I want you to be, and in time I'll come to make sense of this tragedy. I hope your soul is at peace! I wish I could have done more for you while we shared space on this crazy blue marble. I'm glad our paths crossed and I'm sorry we didn't have more time.

I love you friend...sleep well

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I probably should have just kept walking away

The whole day was filled with fantastical awsomeness. I met with my great friend Nereida and we got massages from my homey Kevins school. It was the last day of their practicals and we got to be little rub down Ginny pigs. It was soooo relaxing and the first time I've ever had someone with trained hands massage me. I told her what areas are aching the most and what from. With that knowledge this women went on a half hour mission to heal my body. I've toyed with the notion of becoming a massage therapist for sometime now. People tell me I give great massages and have a wonderful touch. After watching my friend go through this course the past year and experiencing what I did yesterday, I'm pretty much sold. However that will come a bit later on down the road and once I return home.

After massages we get munchkins, we asked for 25, but Nene swears they gave us more. So we give some to a man jingling round change in a cup. Hop on the red line and cruise towards "strange cargo" to make a funny shirt for a funny man. We chat about a lot of things, she has amazing ears, and is extremely empathetic. I enjoy our talks because she doesn't judge but is always extremely firm with the advice she gives. At the store, all decisions come rather quickly and the shirt is made in less then 1/2 an hour. I'm extremely pleased with how it turned out and can't wait to award it to my comrade in liquids this Friday.

We head out the store and cruise over to Leona''s one of my favorite eateries in the Chicago land area. The portions are MASSIVE with so many options, the service is impeccable, they always have great music videos playing on flat screens, and I usually find myself dinning with great company. We both get chicken parmigiana but cooked different ways and neither one of us finish everything that is put in our place. I do my best to remain calm when the bill comes and allow my friend to pick up the tab. :D It feels nice to have someone pay for something but still not how I roll.

We hop on the belmont bus, I'm going back to Hq, she's riding it to Cicero I believe, and we chat some more. I learn about the ABC date, which is so clever it makes me extremely excited to share it with someone sometime soon...ask her for more details :D I hop off the bus and begin walking to Hq.

I work on the brochure for the conference with Randy and inform flowzel about a possible business adventure. Him and I head out to the green dolphin to meet up with some amazing dancers. I've been coming to this night since I was 21, when I was away in the military I'd always stop by when I was on leave, and as soon as I moved back to the Chi I began becoming a regular again. However, over the past two years I've lost touch, mostly for personal reasons. The results of losing touch though, will be this amazing event I'm hosting this up coming week, and that sort of vaporizes the little sadness I have about missing Monday nights.

I heard him name dropping a friend of mine at the door, he was built like a house, and looked like he came straight out of "the shore". I paid him no mind at the time because I came to GD with a specific plan. Say good-bye to some amazing dancers and hopefully impress a few of them with all my hard work I've put in this past year. So the night wages on and around midnight we have a nice little dance circle going on. However, Mr. Shore (that's what I'll call him) keeps getting in peoples faces, talking large amounts of shit and at one point blowing on my neck? Needless to say I'm extremely confused and cautious. Then he starts an actual fight with one of the B-boys and it gets dismantled. He then comes back by me and starts jawing. I attempt to explain to him a few things...

"This has long been a meet up for Chicago dancers, we usually take to a corner, do our thing, and have a good time. We make a circle and take turns because having all of us spread about the club doing this individually would be no fun for anyone. If you want to join us, feel free, but just know that we all play nice; take turns and such."

He blows up at me, starts telling me about all the people he knows in L.A. and what he's done for Chicago. I definitely try to object and let him know that no one here cares about that. We all pretty much just come to get down, show, prove, and learn. He starts in about my age and how I know nothing about what "this" is all about. It's my turn in the cypher so I hop in and do my thing. There is this extremely cute girl that I've been flirting with this evening. I make her my prime target and get her to smile pretty big. Plus I get some whoops and hollers from some of my friends in motion.

I catch my breath and position my self on the other side of the circle far from the time bomb. However, he makes his way over to me, and starts talking about how my moves are 20 years to old. I give him the yeah yeah, go ahead, do better bit and once again he begins cutting me down to size. I attempt to walk away to the other side again and he goes to follow, I feel safer next to my homey Scott and head back over there.
This is where it gets ugly and I believe where the personal lesson is for me. He says this bit about...
"I could get any fucking chick in this place."
I think, o.k. random...and then say
"Well, you should do that, and stop fliriting with me because it's getting embarrasing."
A quick flare of the nostrils and he comes back with..
"You wouldn't know what to do with my 9inchs."
This brings about a soft laugh and I say...
"I'm not worried about your nine inches, I'm more concerned about the teeth marks your going to leave on my cock when I'm face fucking you."
The temperature next to me increases by a couple degrees and he goes ape shit.
"YO! I got my fucking gun in the car, I'll smoke you, etc etc...big gangster talk that was as real as his tan"
So completely wrapped up in the moment I turn, push my face into his and say...
"Seriously, A man dies when it's his fucking time to die, and just because your twice my size doesn't mean that you can sit here and fucking bully me all night." all happens extremely fast.
I'm up off the ground by my throat with this coked out (it's the only way I can make sense of his behavior) ogre raising his other hand to smash my face. Within, hmmm, 1.3 seconds, Scott leaps in and puts the bahemoth into a choke hold. This is extremely startling to everyone involved especially the guy getting choked out. Once I'm free I break the fuck out and starting looking for the security that should have been handling this thing from the start. One of them hurries over and starts to order Scott to let him go. Everyone around the altercation is saying "NO" the dude is jacked and at this point contained, but the security guard persists and Scott not wanting to get in trouble.......let's him go.
Once released, from like two days back this asshole throws a MASSIVE haymaker and Mr.Distortion (thats Scott) ducks it with grace and ease. Then comes a couple more punches which are blocked but this dude looks like a stuck bull that is only seeing red. After a few more seconds of thrashing about he's wrestled to the ground by 4 security guards and then thrown out. Since Scott threw no punches and there were more then enough witnesses to the entire thing he got to stay.
I on the other hand, was riding an insane amount of emotions, and did my best to carry on with the night. I felt terrible that my friend got involved and protected me. He could have been extremely hurt and I definitely would have had a hard time living that down. I'm wondering, why the fuck that guy wouldn't leave me alone, and why the fuck after his first fight he decided to make me his next target. Most importantly though at 28 I'm wondering why I didn't just fucking walk away. I make some jokes here and there, do my best to sort of cut the tension and attempt to get down with some peeps. However, there is this unsettling dissapointment in me, and I guess at the universe. In those situations, that sort of person wins, he's bigger, and clearly crazier. I'm looking for justice in an unbalance altercation.
The positive...well...maybe it's not a positive, but it's clearly hilarious. My friend Scott gave an extremely nerdy dance a lot of street cred that night :D Part of me though wished he would have just let the chips fall, since there were no other guys involved, just me and that ass clown. I've taken more then a few ass whoopings in my time but man...prolly would have needed much more then a few stiches.
Scott if you read this...THANK YOU!!! It gave me a lot to reflect upon and definitely strengthend our bond as friends. It's funny you know, that crazyness happened two days prior at smart bar, and then that. Conflict was bubbling and we both rose to the occasion when it was our turn. I got your back sir and thanks for having mine.