Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A rapist wit

I exist
Tumble weeds, forgotten dreams and shit
Fully, totally, soley, and mostly equippd
A hardwired mind to turn shit
Into wit
Thumb tacts, broken glass, and cement
Into patched tires and popped out dents
And intense mess
Flashing memory games like simon
I'm a
Headcase hobbling down hospital hallways in some stolen scrubs
I'm a
Protogol son of no one
Running round with phazers on stun
Next to no one
Except for a billion bob barker wannabes
Handing out high fives, heartaches, ad what's meant to be
For the better part of my century
Talking tuff but learning not to talk at all cause eventually
Everyone turns their back
No longer looking to laugh
Just pressing play on the track
And seeing how the bruises choose to stack
Punchlines on speed dial
Allibys dated, validated, and profiled
So when I meet your sickness in an alley
We'll make def comedy jam look like alf
Or alf like the hendersons
A hilarious henchman
Coasting towards less then honorable mention
But that's all a matter of perception
Adjust your glasses
Fake ass actresses
Study the footage to find
A one of a kind genuine mind
That won't dare define your disease with an infinite amount of time
Pigeons play with holes I just honor my grind

Whatever its suppose to mean

I'm a heart breaker I've just recently been told and this from someone who did some quick research into my group of friends.  Never have really thought of myself this way but as I absorb the lesson life is laying before me I can't help but agree.  It would make sense, I've had the most precious parts of my spirit shattered time and time again.  I always feel like I'm a warm, inviting person, but since "the one" finally left for the last time I don't know that I've really ever been fully ready to surrender my heart to another person.

Life, we live it, go through the motions, fix things, make others worse, and all the while grow to die.  I'm learning in that fullness of death we might finally meet the ultimate meaning of it all.  Before you get worried know that I'm not much for wanting to know everything.  I enjoy the void, the entropic spiral that dumps you into a new scenario, and I take pride in re-learning everything I once thought I knew.  Keeps the soul fresh, the heart beating fast, and the mind nimble for whatever may come.

Still though, what I thought I am, the world tells me I'm not and I ride the bus wondering a bit.  These days I'm a content nomad, hurling adventure at the tamest of tinkerers, craddling calamity as if its my close acquintated family, and keeping things even as humanly possible.  Maybe that's what its all abou, ya know...balance...the things life is telling me are just markers of an extremely manuevered life.

Whatevers clever, just ranting on this packed people mover, sparing some poor soul from answering questions they could care less to entertain.  If I've broken your heart I'm sorry, hope you mend it, make it stronger then it ever was before and forgive me for my careless nature.  I know a bit, mostly about my self, my journey, and I've come to find 90% of the time I'm grateful for all the love lessons I've had to learn.  Ultimately I've only learned to love deeper, fuller, and true.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I keep you close friend...

Well that's what they tell me to do
They insist closer still
As I choke back the bitter pills
Of some rather cheap thrills
Thrift store memories
And this is far from what you've meant to me
Extension of what's meant to be
The casualty of an ironic destiny
But with a twisted grill
Jagged ivory I am still
Smiling, trying, to make sense of your guilt
For a lesser fiend i'd kill
Alone mad with what will
And wont...
Ohhh so fucking close
Because that's what we've been taught since birth
Scower the earth
You heartless coward and find no cure for your thirst
Just a series of burned bridges and what's worse
No one to defame or curse
Just a bread crumb trail back to those you've hurt
For what its worth
Your welcome
For what I'm worth keep the change
And never hurt another as deeply again