Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Loser Wins

Exhausted, just wiped, and I mean it.  I've been going non stop, sometimes his words ring back through my head...
"What the fuck are you going to do with your life?  Because I'm going to go to L.A. and do it up."
This is the tail end of a four year friendship that had been crumbling for quite sometime.  I'm the optimistic type and always hope people will find their way back towards the light.  Even as the above conversation was playing out I had given our friendship quite the bit of distance.  The months before I left he was showing more and more his true colors as a pho friend, we had one last talk, I disclosed some personal information about the next few months of his life and his new roommates and panic struck his face as he left me 6 hours early in the midst of a heavy acid trip.  Few months later I get the call from a crying friend, letting me know its all over, and how her life is ruined.  This on top of the continual soul injuries I'm suturing from losing a good artistic comrade to suicide.  All the while, his words to me across the internets we're validated, and he pressed on in only a fashion that this creature could.  So I'm sure he thought I took sides or whatever highschool fantasy bullshit was cooked up in that underdeveloped noodle of his.  I assure you, I did no such thing, I just sat sidelines and bit my fucking tongue until the disrespect pointed at me start to get a little to testy for what I'd define as "love".  Sooooo, more distance, and then more distance.  I figured at the very least we'd be artistic allies, we had worked on so much together at this point and our scene was so not make waves.  The online community we all shared got put in cross hairs, I watched as both parties took their perspective balls and went to their different regions of the US.  I sat in the middle putting it all on my shoulders and the worst came when I found out he unfriended me from a social networking site that 8 months previous he said he would never join.

"What the FUCK are you going to do with your life?"

There isn't a day that doesn't go by where I'm not forced to hear that splintering weaselly question kick up in my head.  I look around and see....
The same thing I was doing before I let a self centered parasite with no class into my life.  BEING FUCKING AWESOME!  Saving the world with friends that matter most and enhancing the greatest city god placed me in.  Regret is a young mans game, maybe because I'm celebrating my 31st birthday in a few weeks that I find it easier to know I was honest, a great friend, and you were the judgmental prick who destroyed something pure.  Time will let you taste those lessons, I'll be here waiting to work through it all, because I love you and know no other way to be.

Get me my sisters wedding footage you whiney little bratt, I'd love to move on with my life, and put you further and further into the past.

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