Saturday, February 26, 2011

I've been hiding from myself

I need to make these keys click and clack. I've been burning the ole candle at both ends again but not in the most positive of ways.

To Update:
Been living in Florida for the past few months and working the worst job of my entire life. I'm not kidding, not using colorful wording, exaggerating, or anything. The people I work with hate themselves, the customers, the managers, and if I didn't know better life its self. The customers are 50/50, half of them are redneck ass bags that can barely muster up the strength to tip at 10% (if you didn't know the nation wide standard is 15%), then the other half seem to be latinos who suffer from the same ineptitude as the rednecks. Both parties descend on my job like locust, bringing their poorly behaved children, and suck down as many wings as they can. It's really depressing, I've become somewhat numb to it, but sometimes I do punch the computer's either that or little Levi (that's a common boys name(round here)) gets an incidental knee as I'm walking by.

Your probably thinking...
"this isn't like Tom, where are his colorful praises for humanity. His joyous words about how everything works out and it's all about love. Spread the love, yadda yadda, etc..."

Yeah...Uhhh...I think I'll find my way back there. Just right now, for a lot of reasons I'm being tested. For now most days, I dream, I day dream, I mean, I close my eyes and see gruesome scenes. Of me and blood curdling screams...flashes of black, I can't see, then red, the black, "NO stop please! Were in a recession! I just don't have the money to tip you!!!" Loud chain saw noises in surround sound. I can feel the vibrations of the pulsing machine in my firm grip. Flash Black, then Flash I see my face, steaming red, blood smears from the previous patrons, veins pulsing out of my dome, and with a wicked cry I scream. "THEN YOU SHOULD OF WENT TO KFC BITCH!!! VINNNN VINNNNNN MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hhhhhhhhhhhaaaAHHhAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhh not the children!!!! And when I'm done with the customers I move onto a few select co-workers :)

I KID!!!

Look, I'm able to pull the positive from all of this, but I needed to vent. You wanted to read, so I decided to make it comical and sadistic. The ole one two punch! When I'm not re living murderous scene's in my mind I picture a variety of other things. I have some great trips coming up these next two months, some amazing hands to high five, swap stories, and build even more amazing memories with. I like to day dream about next fall, when I hoping around this melting pot of the world, sipping tea, trying to eat green, and seeing all the things I'd like to see. What the couches will be like...
How much I'll learn from so many amazing dancers...
The various trouble I'll get into...
I do drift, to the clouds, to happy places but I'm sad to report most of the time I'm hobbling around thinking to much about what has already been.

My mind loves to work backwards. I'll just jump into a situation, with out to much thought, really take to it, BANG!, shot out of a cannon, and don't usually stop to think till after the fact. HAhAHA! 28 ya think I might know myself a little better but ya know like the title says :) So lately I've been thinking a lot about what I should have done, what I could have done, and attempting to now calculate the outcome of my various consequences. My knee continually throbs, my back hurts in new ways, and there are few days I don't spit blood. So...hmm...I guess excuse me while I wallow, only a little bit, and for a little while.

I realize I have so many more great things to write, create, and be apart of. So maybe I'm finally taking the time to put this up in writings because I'm turning a corner? Or I could be a bit over worked and just needed to vent... ...It feels nice to grease this wireless key board with the days failures and follies. I've got to get up and do it all over again tomorrow, in fact I have no more days off till I ride out to Confluence. That meet up has been a shimmering little white light for the past month and friday can't come soon enough.

I take responsibility for my actions...
To those of you I've harmed in carelessness this past year, I'm truly sorry, and reap the mental backlash ten fold these days.
To those of you that I've helped with steadfast passion, your welcome, and give a motherfucker a call some time :D

The best part of my life right now is my family!

I love the dinners, watching my little sis spin her gears around all the things that are said, listening to the cheezy jokes of my pops, and tasting the delicious meals made by one of the most amazing ladies on this earth. I smile, sometimes don't say a word...silence...that's when you can tell I'm taking it all in.

So, yeah the job sucks, but at least I have one
Yeah, my body is growing old and injuries I've put off for a few years now have picked up steam but at least I dance with my fingers now
And yeah I'm a paranoid wreck that sometimes over thinks himself into a daze but....
..............HahhAH! If you've got a "but" for that last one drop it in the comments.

Much Love and Respect

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