Saturday, June 2, 2012

caught between no phone & facebook less :/

The dismantling goes...and for any of your wrecking balls out there, you've probably come to know it always has more to goes.  My phone has been shut off and I'm not upset about this.  However it got shut off, as I temporarily logged back onto the book of facelesses and now "I've found myself in a tight spot".  I'll cut the chord here in the coming days, yet again, and I've already got all the things I needed from off there.  When I burned that up before, I didn't grab my pictures from the past few years (So many great memories), contact info of some key people that I only know how to get in touch with via that medium, and definitely didn't fully wax my little brothers pasty bottom.  All objectives complete and still it's hard to re-delete.  I guess that's the thing with a back slide, we just do it, sometimes don't know why, but before you know it your setting up plans to see some person whom you thought you never previously have given you a try.  :D

My mentor and good friend recently told me...
"Don't be afraid to hop off the path for a while, just make sure to find yourself back on it, and moving forward."

So my birthday came, there was a lot of flux going on around me, pressure to succeed in all things me, from me, and I decided to take a break on my monk like journey.  I let it all hang out friends, really, topped off at 3 months in some change and finally let that beast rip.  Indulged in many of my old friends and explored a variety of distractions.  I'm pleased to report, that after a fantastic finale in the city of Detroit I'm back on that path and moving in the direction that was suggested.

Will to power, the will to succeed, also lends itself towards site and these days I'm functioning with full clarity.  I know that this may come as a surprise to some of those found outside my life.  Oddly enough, I always wondered how you moved with such clarity, as I watched you trample myself, and sometimes those around you effortlessly.  Hopefully, I'm being a bit more merciful, and mindful of those around me.  As to say, the pain I've caused these past few months will definitely be the last of it's kind and from here on out it's incidental.  It's hard to think of someone who can walk through life with out ever causing sorrow, hurt, or a variety of negative emotions.  As I think, they usually wear robes, live in gardens of paradise, and have suffered much previously through out their lives.  I hope to find myself in some form of paradise in the coming months, with simpler people, learning new tongues, building foundations that will last, and sharing my ultimate gift the way she has always hoped so.

It's saturday night, I'm watching an informative movie in the background, playing verbal chess with a cheshire cat, doing bed yoga, and seriously contemplating sleep before midnight.  Oh Life!  The 180's have always been enjoyable and I go with it.  Hoping sometime sooner rather then later I have some adorable toes to connect with.

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