Monday, July 23, 2012

I play the outcast

It finally happened, denied entry, before I could even set foot into the event, and the funny thing is I wasn't even there as myself.
So I guess I drew a knife on someone, although, it was just me and that one.  I have a weird memory, they pulled a knife out first, and I showed them I had one as well.  You know though, the he said, he said, and how it tumbles around.

So o.k.

I tried to be calm, hell, I've saught out resoultion for the disrespect we've put in the others lives since the gate, but some peoples lives are just boring.  So, a grudge was made, and has been held for quite sometime at this point.  Time and time again I keep trying to seek some form of mediation.  This isn't the first time, with a person, or group of peoples, and I get the feeling it won't be the last.  Where I get mad with this one in particular, is all the poison he's put into my life, and all the personal information he stole.  A simple sit down of a few minutes would greatly put my spirit to ease.  At heart, I'm a fairly carefree entity, and love the light hearted parts of this experience.  These days, I find myself flying fairly free but come back to two sources of severe pain.  I'm aware of how I've called them into my life and at this point I'd love to just be done with it.

It gets tricky though, I'd really enjoy just getting it out, off, and into the ether.  I think it could be great for both parties and would be a rather cathartic experience.  Some how though, these plea's have been drowned out, and now I've made death threats?  Let's be clear, I'd never want to cut short someones life, EVER!  Even if someone was attacking me, I'd find a way to restrain, and dismantle that energy.  The type of aggresion I'm conjuring up is more from a long lost land of forgotten.  Ya know, sort of, a time and a place.  This only being, if we can't meet face to face, and just put the past in it's proper place.

I get it though, our culture is one of ZERO accountability, and we continually look to blame others.  So, ya know, I put the bulls eye on my back a long while ago.  FIRE AWAY!  Just know it doesn't change either of us and the lessons still sit waiting to be unwrapped.  It's always amazing to see, so many people I interact with, see me as a blessing, but then there are those that look at me as an awful curse.  I just am, as you are, and we will be.  I can't help think though, through a conversation, all things could be dismantled, and if the parties involved feel that this is just someone they never need to speak with...well, then so be it.

However, in my world, you don't get to do what you've done, with out at least chatting about it for a bit, and mustering up some form of apology.  It's the least we both can do for the other at this point, if a soul was screaming, I MEAN! SCREAMING! for a few minutes of my times.  I'd gladly oblige, but ya know, I'm delusional, I'm crazy, and this past year I've become a bit to much for most to bare.

Intense!  Maybe, to the point, definitely!  A knife wielding, death threat issuing, maniac...NEVER!

Paint me how you like...I plan on writing it all down in my own voice.  Let's see who gets the most money says the skinny guy laughs last and loud.

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