Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Whatever its suppose to mean

I'm a heart breaker I've just recently been told and this from someone who did some quick research into my group of friends.  Never have really thought of myself this way but as I absorb the lesson life is laying before me I can't help but agree.  It would make sense, I've had the most precious parts of my spirit shattered time and time again.  I always feel like I'm a warm, inviting person, but since "the one" finally left for the last time I don't know that I've really ever been fully ready to surrender my heart to another person.

Life, we live it, go through the motions, fix things, make others worse, and all the while grow to die.  I'm learning in that fullness of death we might finally meet the ultimate meaning of it all.  Before you get worried know that I'm not much for wanting to know everything.  I enjoy the void, the entropic spiral that dumps you into a new scenario, and I take pride in re-learning everything I once thought I knew.  Keeps the soul fresh, the heart beating fast, and the mind nimble for whatever may come.

Still though, what I thought I am, the world tells me I'm not and I ride the bus wondering a bit.  These days I'm a content nomad, hurling adventure at the tamest of tinkerers, craddling calamity as if its my close acquintated family, and keeping things even as humanly possible.  Maybe that's what its all abou, ya know...balance...the things life is telling me are just markers of an extremely manuevered life.

Whatevers clever, just ranting on this packed people mover, sparing some poor soul from answering questions they could care less to entertain.  If I've broken your heart I'm sorry, hope you mend it, make it stronger then it ever was before and forgive me for my careless nature.  I know a bit, mostly about my self, my journey, and I've come to find 90% of the time I'm grateful for all the love lessons I've had to learn.  Ultimately I've only learned to love deeper, fuller, and true.


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