It's me, inventor of the T-shirt dis, creator of the liquid dance conference, person whose probably cooked you breakfast and I have some parting words to write. Then truly, gladly, I leave this torch high up top on the mountain range, and hope someone comes along to place it even higher. However, the weight has become to much to carry and I'd gladly like to see what life is like outside of this "community".
Let me start by saying, I'll always flow, have always flow'd, and hope to continue to spread flow through out my life not just through this dance. The intrinsic nature of creation is something that's fascinated me since I was a little lad and peddling into the waters of creativity. I'd also like to explain something to some of the thick skulls that will or won't read this post. I WAS ON MY WAY OUT! It became very clear to me about 6 months ago that over these past four years I had opened up my world to a whole heap of hell. If you've gotten to know me, then hopefully you can attest, I have one speed, and tend to go rather deep (far) with the people I bring into my life. The chant I've been hearing as I've less then gracefully (for a reason) exited a lot of your lives has been "TO FAR!". Ha! Cool. I work from an internal navigation system that even to myself in someways these days can be intense but I assure you I'm done caring "for" you...all of you! I will however, always care "about" you, especially if you continue to express yourself through liquid/digits, but I've seen to many times what people do with that love. This is not to point blame! I'm done with all that and hope others are too. I just know that this thing, this beautiful gift that found me at an extremely young age, and then came back around right when I needed it most means more to me THEN ANYTHING ELSE EVER FOR SUPER CEREALS! So with that, I'll now be as selfish as I choose to be with it.
There were some events that took place this previous summer that ultimately led to the dismantling of the community I very much loved (love) floasis. I did my best to remain neutral through all the egomania I watched splash about the internet. I even tried to mediate between both parties and was pretty much told the same things from both.
"Don't need them, won't need them"
To say it simply, that hurt, especially because I had just spent so much of my resources (which I don't have a lot of) attempting to bring unity to liquid and ultimately felt like I was failing my dance. The fall out came and through other events I lost contact with one of my dearest friends. So there is no need to be neutral there anymore because that person has exited my life. Then there is that other 1/2 of the puzzle, that since it came back into the dance has brought with it a lot of conflict, deceit, and douche baggery. Seeing their manifestations through out my confluence weekend was just to much to bare. So hence the call at 7 am and then our conversation at 9am. For the record! I never threaten your wife or new born child. NEVER WOULD! What I said was, we will be sitting down and talking face to face if you ever plan on working with me again. You've done nothing but spit in my face, the face of those I love most, and the people I've tried to work with. Where your confusion about my words "might" come in is when I screamed..."And I'd appreciate it if your wife was there, because she's probably the only person on this earth that can keep you to your crooked ass word!" I also NEVER SLAPPED THAT YOUNG MAN!!! So if you'd like to keep slanging your shit about my life and know you aren't the first bottom feeder I've faced off with. You can also talk about "Jumping me" or any other type of physical conflict as I've seen you do with others. I'll just have you and everyone reading this know. I won't strike you but if you or any of your lackeys decide to become physically agressive with me, you will be restrained until you can learn how to act like a civilized individuals. I wait patiently for the day that we might look at one another as equals, however, as that silly little rabbit has taught me...Don't hold your breath, just go your way, and see what awaits you.
Allow me to now get into the meat and potatoes of what it is that I'm attempting to write.
The words "Go Home" were etched into a shirt I was wearing at the third annual Confluence Liquid dance battle. First I'd like to mention, the promoter of that event expressed before the event to everyone, "leave the drama at the door". Once I unzipped my jacket and begun to act like a jack ass he also attempted to control my actions. I acted on my own accord, own up to the choices I made, and hopefully will shed some light on those actions. Because while it might have looked like I was directing them at one person in particular, I assure you, they were not meant for just him. Firstly "go home" can be interpreted in a lot of ways but I'd like to clear it up. For the lot of you (not all), it means, find your happiness, your bliss and let it take you to the place you've always hoped to be. Remember, if you can, when summers lasted forever, when you were able to play with a stick for hours, and then begin to understand what "Go Home" means. The simplicity of life is all encompassing and as we age we tend to forget just what this divine experience is truly about...LOVE! Through out my dealing in this scene, I've noticed a lot of patterns, even became a part of some of the nastier ones, but a year and a half a go I decided to change my ways.
The abuse of entheogens or as some of you might call them "psychedelics" will no longer be tolerated within my presence. Drug abuse in general will no longer be tolerated in or around the things I love most. The key word here is abuse! I think self medication is great, I've also come to know that life in its infinite wisdom will place a lot of hurt on us at a young age, and we may not know what to do with it. In the four years that I've began using entheogens, I've healed myself a great deal, and helped bring a lot of light into others lives. So please friends, don't get me twisted, and don't think I won't still go occasionally get "twisted". Just know that I can no longer condone the ramped abuse I've witnessed (been a part of) these past four years. My protest will be silent, until you want to talk to me about it, if you want to talk to me about it but i hope you come to know substance abuse is a demon. Or rather, substance abuse feeds a demon in most of us, and you can take that literally or metaphorically. I'm not here to tell you what to do, just hopefully put you on the path to recovery. I will firmly tell you this though, entheogens (the word literally meaning "awakening the god" within) are sacred in all their forms, and abusing them will only bring onto your life a great sorrow. As far as the alcoholics, all day weed smokers, e-tards, pharmy abusers and ketamine junkies. Those things you are using to cover up the hurt you feel are only making it grow larger inside you. STOP NOW!!! GO HOME!!! Whether that means going home to sober up for 6 months (like I did), confiding in some friends that you have a problem and allowing them to help you heal, or seeing a healer to help you remove those things on your own accord. The choice is yours but I implore you to realize you are wasting precious time and that this divine existence needs you at your best. A quick mention should also go to those profiting from selling these substances. Think about it, the odds are stacked against you, and my heart will surely weep if you get caught up in the prison system.
You might wonder, "Tom, why so serious? I've always known you to be such a goofy, carefree guy, and this seems to be the opposite." So glad you asked...
1) Through out all these distorted affairs I've lost many things, friendships that meant the world to me and parts of myself I hope to one day meet back up with.
2)Had to deal with 4 suicides and a few other deaths in under a years time
3)Most importantly...(this one is to be the most long winded)
Through out my travels in this dance, I've taken the time to get the many origin stories that are out there, and it would seem I keep coming into new sides of those stories. However, as the coin flips in the air, I'm compelled to start drawing some of my own conclusions and please take them for what you will. I've noticed things, greed, drug abuse, incestuous romances, and seen what they've done to an otherwise beautiful dance. I've seen people give up, disassociate, slang shit, and act in a variety of ways that I'd like to define as unkind. You taint, tarnish, and continue to bludgeon this beautiful dance. I for one will not follow in the foot steps of my predecessors, I will learn the lesson, and make my stand in the greatest city this earth has ever known (shameless plug <3). Don't think it's called the 2nd city for just one reason and don't think the bullshit won't stop at my door step. I will not go to another scene, take the best parts of this dance, marginalize them and hope people will respect me. I will not build a shady enterprise in hopes to gain status, resources, and make up for the insecurities I have as a man. AND I MOST CERTAINLY! will not go quietly into the night, excommunicating others, and thinking well at least I tried (if that's even what you think because i have no way of knowing). What I will do is break the cycle, I will talk about the things no one wants to talk about, get the information no one has ever bothered to get, and I will wait patiently for those that care enough to meet me on some middle ground. I'm leaving "your"/"the" liquid scene and I will be building my own...I mean...I've been building my own but now I'm just closing the doors to it. Don't worry it's not hard, I plan on leaving bread crumbs all about the world for people to find their way back or maybe there for the first time. Most people I meet are so short sighted, at this point, if you haven't noticed, I'm working 2 years in advance, and manifesting at an alarming rate. So call it cocky, say "he's an ego manic" (which I did study under one of the best) but know that this is my story and I write it as I see fit.
Remember your scene before me...
...Because I remember life before I so freely gave the lot of you my undying love, unwavering loyalty, and all my strength.
It wasn't half as amazing but I wasn't dealing with so much tyranny either. I guess that's the ole double edged sword, that I sometimes feel so heavily thrust into my abdomen these days but don't worry I know who placed it there. ME! So while some of you have voiced I need to take a step back, then ya know the through the grape vine have caught wind that you are "worried about me", or all the various forms of fuckage I don't have to give know this...
I'VE BEEN PLANNING TO LEAVE!!! & WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF!!!
I don't really believe in institutions, I've always been a loner, amongst a sea of cliques, groups, organizations, etc. I walk amongst them all, have friends through out the world, but don't really belong to any of them. This is because I AM THE GADFLY...that tiny buzzing around all the gossipy cows and this time I won't go the route of the martyr. I'll stand fast and hope the real heads will come be a part of what I'm growing. Which to be clear is as follows...
FLOW! (not just liquid(lota F's dayum)
and other things that generate more LOVE! (also more F's if I can think of them)
Because when you hold onto the past (grudges, pain, experiences that don't teach you anything anymore) it becomes toxic and try as you might like you can't change it. What does end up happening is you become changed by it and that friends has been one of the saddest things to sit by and watch. I see so many people holding onto things that weigh them down, trying to claim ownership of things that clearly don't want to be owned, and turning their backs on one another in crazy ways.
So don't worry! I won't be preaching to you anymore, in fact, I'll be taking my rightful place as the "Liquid Mime" and hope that in time we all find one another working together on a unified project. I've made some great friends these past 4 years and I know they will stick by me no matter what. Those of you who now find yourself on the other side of the door that is my life let me leave you with this.
When you are ready, YOU! being the key word, because i'm always down to heal and work through things with the people I love most. I'm here to listen, listen being the key word there, and hear what you have to say. Hopefully we can teach one another some things, grow as people, and make the communal thing we love stronger. Till that time comes in your life, I'm going back to what I found when I was 17 years old and I'm taking her all around the world. Because no matter what comes, goes, i push out, or take into my life she's always there for me. She is the love of my life and has given me more to be hopeful then anything else on this earth.
Many Blessings friends, I can't wait to watch from the nosebleeds, and humbly await for when we can all be friends again.
From here on out Silently,
Pwt the liquid mime
P.s. If you are having trouble with your addictions and are to stubborn to seek help maybe these words that were recently shared with me from a fellow liquid dancer will help. "Don't Take The Tab DUMMY!" Because we all have a choice, accountability is the key to divinity, and there is no price you can put on a clear conscious.
P.p.s. LOVE YOURSELF! & LOVE YOUR LIFE!