Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Whose to blame?

I watch them, all day, everyday, I study, observe, admire, and do my best to understand. Recently I greatly failed, took advantage of a genuine feeling and definitely got used up by someone who I thought was different.

I'm told they are reflections, we attract what we need, when we need it but after these past 6 months I feel so damn lost, and extremely scared to ever pursue one again. Selfishness, splashing around is selflessness, wondering how to make it all fit, and shaking hurting to not relapse. There were times, when we'd lay around for hours and it all made sense. Then there were times when it was never enough, like I was some how suppose to give her, "us" more, but I just wasn't seeing the same effort given in the few things I needed.

So scared little man, running back to the things he loves most, and stiff upper lip in tact. It's never to late, at least that's what I've been saying these morning, after I scrape off the nights rest, and push into another whirlwind of a day. I have a lot of love for a lot of things and people. I guess, realistically this past relationship showed me that I'm not ready and may never be.

So to you, the one that I've cared to much for, and have definitely exhausted my brain in an effort to bring you closure...
FUCK OFF!!! GET BENT!!! and hopefully, maybe one day, we can be friends again...
And to most importantly me...

You can use these words in your own life, laugh at them, etc...Just dumping them out so I can possibly close my blues and drift to somewhere soothing.

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