So the past few months I've dove in head first. No back up, I'm running into burning buildings, taking stray shots, and coming out with few to no scratches. I'm running through the mine field with a quirky grin. It's like the year previous was a sneak peak and I find myself still attempting to enjoy the nose bleed seats. I reek of something meek but I remember all that I've seen. I remember terrifying screams and the shattering of simple dreams. So I'm jobless at the moment, which for me is a rare feet, and I'm living out of an old duffel bag. This isn't exactly what I had in mind when it came to traveling around. However, higher calling, and a gut wrenching experience in intuition has landed me in the new land of Lebron.
They got waxed!!! I knew we were going to win tonight, game 1 of a seven game series, and a lot of colorful stories surrounding the opening tip. Sure...sure sure, we didn't win the regular season games by that much. But ummmm, 21 point victory, with insane D, superb 3-point shooting, and an entire highlight real for Taj alone. It was nice to be a bulls fan in Miami...real nice.
Soooo, her car is totaled and this is because she was visiting me down in Chicago. So all the things we were possibly talking about became insanely real. The what if's quickly shift to...when. No one is answering but the tension is steadily mounting. There is a lot of mistrust, misdirection, and anxiety circling the daily. Just lost the comma in my bank account and I'm haunted by vision of my birthday visit. Still though, I keep it cool, like a lifetime stock of Klondike bars...well...at least tonight. Other nights have been a bit awkward and disastrous to put it mild.
I do my best to conform, put in time with the family, and be as patient as she might hope me to be. Somewhere between me not cooking anything correctly, re-mopping the floors for the 2nd time, and getting dogged out for properly equipping everyone for a game of Scategories I start to get weary. Still though, I'm an Icebox, I've got so many delicious chocolate ice cream bars inside me you'd have to know the secrete coordinates to see and believe.
I just feel heavy and in the more stressful moments, my flight or fight starts mapping a ridiculous escape plan. I don't know what to do...well...I know, but as the day reaches 7 I start to feel uneasy. I have a head full of Stella and white wine...I'll do my best to keep it under wraps. I love her so much, I do...but sometimes, "Us" together...well it makes me scared. Truly deeply, scared for a lot of things and I don't really understand what to make of it.
Four long days off, time to bond, time to pick, poke, and ask more questions. All the while her eyes running over me, dousing me in doubt, and telling me to relax. "shhh Shhhh, just enjoy yourself..." Says the cabby driving you onto the highway during rush hour traffic. Oh brothers...Sisters...the antics! We are hilarious, no doubt about that but where this road turns next.............Man I just don't know.