Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Where we land

So the past week here has been a ruff one, I've been visited by darkness, and I struggle greatly with it all.  Love is a tricky train and I keep pumping coal into the engine.  Take me from what I've known and into what I've always hoped.  It's like the light at the end of the tunnel will absorb every fear, broken promise, and muddled truth.  Absolution isn't waiting for you to swing by and pick it up.  It's placed high up on that perch, waiting for you to climb and truly show your worth.  So tired, over inspired, and all to comfortable walking that wire.  I smile through it all but some mornings when I wake I just want to lay back down, dream of when it first began and know better this time.

Nothing really changes, for those of us that love, and know what it means to give control over to another on earth do we forget the impression they leave?  It's a constant reminder, how we aren't good enough or weren't worth working through things with, and as another winter creeps in I feel the chill hardening my skin.  So many lives I tried to touch, so many souls, crying...Do you remember the various times you wept in my arms, I do...and the bleeding heart foolish enough to try and save them all.  I guess it could be worse, or to quote, "worse things have happened to better people" and I don't mind rolling around in the shit.  Grew through it, smile most of the time, and brighter then those fake Hollywood teeth they teach us to reach.

The past week has been a fierce roller coaster of introspection, stumbling over hesitation, and for some reason getting away from the care free creature I love to be.  It's good though, not all things sunshine and rainbows, and I imagine over these travels a lot will come to the surface.  It's just funny though, the amount of misinformation that circulates, and how most people don't really ever care to go towards the source(s).  I wonder why I wonder why and I'm just happy that these days I no longer cry.  Seems to be a pattern in my pride, so this go round I'll give that some dismantling, and see what I look like on the other side.

Seems like smiling is the theme, nah what I mean?  It's amazing what you can do with the power of a smile, how you can connect with a stranger, or laugh off the most awkward unraveling.  I've recently been walking by strangers on city streets and pointing towards their feet.  As I point I stop and say...
"Whoop's, looks like you dropped your smile..."
And like magic, usually, a smile forms across their face, which allows me to say...
"Guess not, maybe it's for someone else...have a great day."
The random act of kindness patrol wanders on and with new idea's forming daily!

Good news Minneapolis...TmY just got here :D  Which means it's gona get flowy and oh whoay!

Love your life, the struggle, the strife, and I promise you it'll be alright.

P.s. Much more uplifting post coming soon ;)

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